[ honestly, he didn't expect her to reach out first.
than again, even if he had thought to send her a message, he wasn't doing it... mostly out of respect to her. he'd like to think he was impervious to feeling bad in this specific way, but maybe he's not. maybe he wasn't as apathetic as he should have been.
regardless, he isn't sure if he sees it as a comfort or something else.
no different than those girls in the romance movie she'd watched last month, which is embarrassing to put into context of the present since she'd thought them so funny for staring at their syntrofos waiting on a call, but at least... 3kon is probably still hanging out with her on video. probably.
if so it'll be funny at the speed she snaps the phone back up to read his message, stomach flip flopping in a way it hasn't in a long time, though. she doesn't know if it's nerves from what happened before, or something else.
ah, no. it's something else. she knows that, it's plain as the flowers he left her, and she pushes aside her friends' collective agreement about rafayel's intentions. ]
Cool! Just text me when you're free next week and I'll meet you downstairs. Since it's in-house and all.
[ is
this a wise idea though, when she's getting thoughts in her head. no, of course not. but she does want to still be friends, to be normal and spend time together, so malkuth can... press them away like a flower in a book, if it's nothing at all. which it probably isn't. it can't be, not her.
damn, she should've asked what he was working on, but now it's too long after her last reply and she's going to go crazy actually!!!! ]
[ while rafayel does feign a certain degree of ignorance, it's also true that there was a layer of mystery in the form of their natural souls. hence, he also doesn't presume to know what lingers beyond what they've already shared, and he's been perfectly fine compartmentalizing that. no, that might have been a lie. he's been doing his best to forget, if just because he isn't sure he had the emotional capacity to care for others. he wonders if he ever had, or if he may just have deluded himself with the words a certain hunter said.
regardless, he does look back at her text for a moment between his painting.
her bringing the location up... he shakes it off before texting her back for real. ]
okayyy ill try and finish this but just getting the colors right is kinda a challenge here lol
[ does he feel more guilty about the inspiration he feels in spite of being away from home?
both homes.
is he texting like he normally would though? he hopes so. ]
[ mmm... it's stupid how easily and eagerly she tunes her boys out to reply, but also how she just... likes to see him reply to her at all, and
oh, god, she really does like him, doesn't she, there's no soul interference or-- or enhancing, maybe, the way she wants to hang up and call him instead. it's... a familiar desire, one that had already left her with the same hollow feeling in her chest as before but
at least she isn't dead this time.
her finger hovers, tempted, then she replies instead, hoping the pauses aren't too unlike her norm. ]
[ it's odd. there were times back at home, where he kept his innermost thoughts, even on art, extremely private. the same went for works he hadn't fully completed, so he wonders what it means when he can entrust her enough to see his works in progress.
he seems to fall into thought for a moment, before he does end up snapping a picture of a canvas, albeit much smaller in scale. it's mostly just colors, but something about it mimics the way water and ocean tides flow, wisps of colors that people may not have envisioned in the deep sea. a slight pink tint, and yet it's clear by his last brush stroke that he was still deliberating over this color. ]
[ 3kon's on fucking hold at this point i'm so sorry gang just hang up on her ass he knew she'd ask.
the video call remains in the background, three small screens that make up the corner of her device and the voices that go with it, while malkuth's gaze takes in the colors she's truthfully longed to see for a bit now. the world as he sees it... or rather, the hues he sees it in -- pulled from point to another the way the ocean does the seaweed beneath its docks, gentle yet overwhelming in its presence.
is this what it's like underwater? she wonders, and wishes she wouldn't have to drown just to find out. it reminds her a little of chesed's floor in that way: a calm flow, where the world simply felt... apart, just for a while. until one finished their cup of coffee. her finger traces the screen lightly, zooming in on parts here and there, and a larger part wants to be invited over to see it in person. ah, no, that'd be bad, wouldn't it. ]
You know me too well βͺ
It's so beautiful... like I'm looking up through water, but without the danger of drowning. Or maybe I am? I still can't swim, after all... my mentor's on leave. I don't think it'd be so bad if this was my last sight though! But I can see what you mean about the colors... it's a little hard to decide which one you'd like to make the quiet subject of your piece. Do you think fish enjoy the sunrise beneath the sea?
[ oh, what a stupid question. ]
I think so. I mean, no matter how often one sees it, it's such a beautiful moment, right? If you can even get up that early, Rafayel~.
[ there's a certain level of wonder to her words. unlike most people who tended to take for granted the things they could commonly see in life, he can tell that malkuth's assessment of the world also comes from a place wherein she held a deeper sort of reverence and perspective; she knew the value of the sights around her in a way that most humans or people often overlooked. it makes sense when he recalls her words of the life she once led. she was sort of a ghost wasn't she (citation needed)? at least, in some ways, and he can kind of relate to that idea, maybe since he also may have just been a husk of his former self at one point, too.
regardless, he looks over the words and can't help but feel a little guilty over the idea of being understood by a perfect a stranger. maybe just as guilty when it makes him reflect back to their brief contact. it's why it's easier to focus on the texts she sends. it made it easier not to look internally, where it was much darker and murkier.
she might have thought it was a stupid question, but he likes the simplicity of it. ]
they do they even enjoy the sound of rain from the beneath the surface or thats what i hear
dun they say people fall asleep easier with something in the background maybe you could use some of that too you look like the type who had trouble falling asleep when you have a field trip the next day
just so you know im a responsible adult lol i can wake up for a sunrise or two
[ in a world that wasn't influenced by a foolish act last month...
she might've asked if he wanted to paint one with her. she still wants to, because it sounds fun, but the message remains on her screen before she deletes it and replies with something else. ]
I probably was, yeah. I know I am now. So it'd be helpful... if I didn't have to hear it most of the time here already.
If you can wake up that early, then I'd like proof! Send me a picture sometime.
You could've kept your painting to yourself! I didn't make you show it, after all. I don't know what I can offer you, though... Want me to draw you something? Or I can make a cute little animal for you! I'm getting pretty good at felting! I'll get you a picture of a sunset in return? Request anything and I'll give it my best shot!
[ he was joking, but considering he's been avoiding her for the past few days, it isn't entirely unwelcome that they've slipped back into their usual routine. even if... something feels a little different. something he can't quite place his finger on. ]
are you pouting right now i thought you were supposed to be like the mature one
[ who said that? ]
felting how many hobbies have you started since getting here
anything is the most dangerous thing you can offer buuut since im a kind fishie ill stick with requesting your next assignment
how about you choose a sight and try to recreate it but the main focus should be about the colors you choose
there will be times in your life when you might want to revisit a specific shade from your memories yknow you can consider it practice for when that times comes
[ maybe it's a color that she'll draw inspiration in her architecture, too. ]
[ another recreation, but with a focus on colors -- her favorite topic. there's a lot she can talk about with color, but putting it into practice is a whole other matter.
... malkuth guesses there's no better time to really practice painting. or maybe she should use colored pencils? markers? chalk? oh, chalk would be fun! temporary, but fun. she'll put it on her grocery list. ]
Got it! I think... this time I'll want you to see my creation in person, so I'll let you know when I'm done! Colors feel like they differ when they're photographed for some reason...
very good observations you really are a good student
there are some things you only understand by seeing it in person things have different impact so do feelings
[ even the emotions people bring and their own personal backgrounds effect their overall perception, and thus their interpretation, right? or that's what rafayel believes. interpreting and appreciating often came within the construct of ones own understanding of the world and its subtleties, after all. ]
ill see it when youre done i know you work better with a deadline but dun you think you should step out of your comfort zone and surprise your prof sometimes lol
I'll be fine without one this time, don't worry, but I won't keep you waiting forever for it either.
[ hmm. what else... nothing else. no... she wants to keep talking to him... ]
Anyway, I'll let you get back to your painting -- lemme see the finished product when you find the color you're looking for, okay? I'm excited to see how it'll turn out!
[ he wonders if she stresses the bit on waiting by the brief exchanges of the topic in the past. or maybe that she just knew him a little better than he thought. he doesnβt want to think of that possibility. it just felt wrong and for a second it reminds him of the fact that was resolved to keep some distance.
the chat bubble π¬ moves for a second before it stops.
then picks back up: ]
that depends on the artists whim yknow if you really wanna see it
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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than again, even if he had thought to send her a message, he wasn't doing it... mostly out of respect to her. he'd like to think he was impervious to feeling bad in this specific way, but maybe he's not. maybe he wasn't as apathetic as he should have been.
regardless, he isn't sure if he sees it as a comfort or something else.
... as he reads on, maybe
it is something else. ]
you know you could just say next week
[ is this that time perspective debate? ]
i was working on something
but i can make time
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no different than those girls in the romance movie she'd watched last month, which is embarrassing to put into context of the present since she'd thought them so funny for staring at their syntrofos waiting on a call, but at least... 3kon is probably still hanging out with her on video. probably.
if so it'll be funny at the speed she snaps the phone back up to read his message, stomach flip flopping in a way it hasn't in a long time, though. she doesn't know if it's nerves from what happened before, or something else.
ah, no. it's something else. she knows that, it's plain as the flowers he left her, and she pushes aside her friends' collective agreement about rafayel's intentions. ]
Cool! Just text me when you're free next week and I'll meet you downstairs. Since it's in-house and all.
[ is
this a wise idea though, when she's getting thoughts in her head. no, of course not. but she does want to still be friends, to be normal and spend time together, so malkuth can... press them away like a flower in a book, if it's nothing at all. which it probably isn't. it can't be, not her.
damn, she should've asked what he was working on, but now it's too long after her last reply and she's going to go crazy actually!!!! ]
no subject
regardless, he does look back at her text for a moment between his painting.
her bringing the location up... he shakes it off before texting her back for real. ]
okayyy ill try and finish this but just getting the colors right
is kinda a challenge here lol
[ does he feel more guilty about the inspiration he feels in spite of being away from home?
both homes.
is he texting like he normally would though? he hopes so. ]
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oh, god, she really does like him, doesn't she, there's no soul interference or-- or enhancing, maybe, the way she wants to hang up and call him instead. it's... a familiar desire, one that had already left her with the same hollow feeling in her chest as before but
at least she isn't dead this time.
her finger hovers, tempted, then she replies instead, hoping the pauses aren't too unlike her norm. ]
Can I see?
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he seems to fall into thought for a moment, before he does end up snapping a picture of a canvas, albeit much smaller in scale. it's mostly just colors, but something about it mimics the way water and ocean tides flow, wisps of colors that people may not have envisioned in the deep sea. a slight pink tint, and yet it's clear by his last brush stroke that he was still deliberating over this color. ]
i knew youd ask
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the video call remains in the background, three small screens that make up the corner of her device and the voices that go with it, while malkuth's gaze takes in the colors she's truthfully longed to see for a bit now. the world as he sees it... or rather, the hues he sees it in -- pulled from point to another the way the ocean does the seaweed beneath its docks, gentle yet overwhelming in its presence.
is this what it's like underwater? she wonders, and wishes she wouldn't have to drown just to find out. it reminds her a little of chesed's floor in that way: a calm flow, where the world simply felt... apart, just for a while. until one finished their cup of coffee. her finger traces the screen lightly, zooming in on parts here and there, and a larger part wants to be invited over to see it in person. ah, no, that'd be bad, wouldn't it. ]
You know me too well βͺ
It's so beautiful... like I'm looking up through water, but without the danger of drowning.
Or maybe I am? I still can't swim, after all... my mentor's on leave.
I don't think it'd be so bad if this was my last sight though!
But I can see what you mean about the colors... it's a little hard to decide which one you'd like to make the quiet subject of your piece. Do you think fish enjoy the sunrise beneath the sea?
[ oh, what a stupid question. ]
I think so. I mean, no matter how often one sees it, it's such a beautiful moment, right? If you can even get up that early, Rafayel~.
no subject
regardless, he looks over the words and can't help but feel a little guilty over the idea of being understood by a perfect a stranger. maybe just as guilty when it makes him reflect back to their brief contact. it's why it's easier to focus on the texts she sends. it made it easier not to look internally, where it was much darker and murkier.
she might have thought it was a stupid question, but he likes the simplicity of it. ]
they do
they even enjoy the sound of rain from the beneath the surface
or thats what i hear
dun they say people fall asleep easier with something in the background
maybe you could use some of that too
you look like the type who had trouble falling asleep when you have a field trip the next day
just so you know im a responsible adult lol
i can wake up for a sunrise or two
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she might've asked if he wanted to paint one with her. she still wants to, because it sounds fun, but the message remains on her screen before she deletes it and replies with something else. ]
I probably was, yeah. I know I am now. So it'd be helpful... if I didn't have to hear it most of the time here already.
If you can wake up that early, then I'd like proof! Send me a picture sometime.
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first a movie
then seeing my painting
now you want the sunrise too
sounds like someone is being a liiiittle spoiled yeah
but didnt anyone tell you when you make a deal
you need to offer something too
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I didn't make you show it, after all.
I don't know what I can offer you, though...
Want me to draw you something?
Or I can make a cute little animal for you! I'm getting pretty good at felting!
I'll get you a picture of a sunset in return?
Request anything and I'll give it my best shot!
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are you pouting right now
i thought you were supposed to be like the mature one
[ who said that? ]
felting
how many hobbies have you started since getting here
anything is the most dangerous thing you can offer
buuut since im a kind fishie ill stick with requesting your next assignment
no subject
Not as many as I could have if I wasn't also learning to be an idol manager on the fly...
But an assignment is doable!
Hit me with it, Prof!
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how about you choose a sight and try to recreate it
but the main focus should be about the colors you choose
there will be times in your life when you might want to revisit a specific shade from your memories yknow you can consider it practice for when that times comes
[ maybe it's a color that she'll draw inspiration in her architecture, too. ]
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... malkuth guesses there's no better time to really practice painting. or maybe she should use colored pencils? markers? chalk? oh, chalk would be fun! temporary, but fun. she'll put it on her grocery list. ]
Got it! I think... this time I'll want you to see my creation in person, so I'll let you know when I'm done! Colors feel like they differ when they're photographed for some reason...
[ not exactly a degradation, but different. ]
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you really are a good student
there are some things you only understand by seeing it in person
things have different impact
so do feelings
[ even the emotions people bring and their own personal backgrounds effect their overall perception, and thus their interpretation, right? or that's what rafayel believes. interpreting and appreciating often came within the construct of ones own understanding of the world and its subtleties, after all. ]
ill see it when youre done
i know you work better with a deadline but dun you think you should step out of your comfort zone and surprise your prof sometimes lol
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[ hmm. what else... nothing else. no... she wants to keep talking to him... ]
Anyway, I'll let you get back to your painting -- lemme see the finished product when you find the color you're looking for, okay? I'm excited to see how it'll turn out!
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the chat bubble π¬ moves for a second before it stops.
then picks back up: ]
that depends on the artists whim yknow
if you really wanna see it
focus on your assignment first yeah
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To sweeten my chances of seeing it, I'll bring over some fruit one day. How's that?
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too many variables
i cant sayyyy
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stops
then continues ]
What do fishies like to eat? Or should I guess?
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[ ( rafayel voice ) you don't understand me ]
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Don't complain if I swing by with something you don't like then, Rafayel! But I'll try to figure out your tastes.
[ ... within the limitations of karteria, anyway. that's going to be the hard part... ]
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then ill await the most monstruous looking fruit