[ it's not that he doubts tobari. no, they've been through too much for him to be under some false illusion that he was out to deceive him. if anyone was capable of that between the two of him, he'd sooner consider himself the problem. after all, he hasn't forgot what he's done to him...
even if he's been forgiven (?), he still thinks back on it from time to time. especially during times where he feels like tobari is grappling with the weight of everything he's inevitably left behind. even if he can relate, each time it happens, he renews a silent vow that he has to do better to support him.
the squeeze is reassuring. enough that he continues walking a little more leisurely. he also grips his back firmly. ] They say trust is one of the most valuable things you can give to another person. Trust is incredibly fragile, after all. But, for some reason... [ he gets the impression that tobari's trust is a little more robust than anyone else's, and yet, he still thinks he has to take extra care of it in spite of that. ]
I know how painful it is to wait. [ so he thinks he won't keep tobari waiting for too long. ]
[ . . . tobari's trust has been battered quite a bit lately. shioji and shiranui did a number on him. even so—he did tell rafayel that he was willing to rely on him. that he was open to trying again, with him. maybe it was made easier because of all the nonsense with the vial... because it's hard to deny the tangible, physical proof that someone cared about tobari so much that they needed him to live more than they needed his forgiveness. so given all that— ]
... how am I supposed to not trust you? [ when rafayel cares about tobari's life more than tobari does? ] I'm not so cold a guy that I can remain unaffected by you.
[ rafayel's friendship, yes, but even his more erratic acts of attempted salvation and thoughtfulness have gotten to tobari. sometimes what you crave more than anything is the idea that someone is so unapologetically on your side. all of that makes the idea of feeling 'pain' over him seem so... small ]
I'd say it's pretty easy. If you're not careful, I could...
[ he turns to tobari and just lightly brushes the back of his knuckle against his lips. just enough for the warmth to transfer, but not without enough force to leave any lingering sensation. he doesn't withdraw right away, either. he locks eyes with him, as if making a point. ]
But, okay, okay. I got you. Though, you should know... I can't help but be worried about you. [ for better or worse, tobari had a way of making people ... rightfully concerned. there was no telling what he was capable of getting himself into in all his kindness. he thinks it's funny if just because he seems so gruff from his exterior. but like their first meeting, he's sure ... his softness is also impossible to miss. he was the kind of guy who'd cling onto a single flower, after all.
... speaking of, he should bring him to the greenhouse sometime. ]
[ every flower is precious when you've never seen them before...
that said, there's a little quirk of his brow. tobari has lived through so much shit at this point, he finds it odd to think that he could be worried about. how come! he's a terrorist! he's the big bad district boss! isn't he the problem.... so he just huffs out a breath of amusement ]
You know, I think that I can handle myself pretty well.
[ but if rafayel's going to try to make a point, then so is tobari? he'll take their hands then and gives a firm enough pull to tug rafayel closer to him—though his free hand catches his hip to steady him so he doesn't fall or they don't crash into each other
but they are much closer. closer enough for their noses to brush ]
So you shouldn't threaten me with a good time.
[ what if he doesn't want to be careful? what then? ]
[ that fact that he thinks all that is even more adorable... he is not beating the cutie allegations. ]
I'd argue that's kiiinda part of the problem. [ he's not saying tobari was to be underestimated, but he certainly had a way of thinking, vs. a way of actually doing. kindness shouldn't ever be a detriment to someone, and yet. they live in a society of humans?
but, he's distracted by all such sentiments when tobari tugs him closer. close enough where he can feel his warmth penetrating the chilly night air, and enough where he can't help but feel both self-conscious, and the tiniest bit excited. his heart is beating in his chest, and despite all his reservations he leans in and...
presses his cheek just up against his. ] A good time? Like this?
the fact of the matter is that it only takes this moment for tobari to realize he probably shouldn’t escalate whenever rafayel plays with him because it’s turning into this horrible recurring pattern of chicken where they keep getting dangerously close to something they shouldn’t
having to choose between retreat or crossing a line… uh oh…
tobari thinks about it for half a second before he ultimately settles on a little bit of both—he turns his head just enough to let his lips brush against rafayel’s cheek. you could barely call it a kiss. but barely is still something.
on one hand intimacy and vulnerability scares him. on the other, he has to win. instinctively, he likes to think he knows tobari would put a stop to it if it was reaching a point of no return, and yet... it looks like he may have only been partly correct there. he feels the light touch of something on his cheek, and he...
short circuits. it takes him a good two to three seconds to official reboot and rewire himself back to reality. a reality where tobari kissed him and he wasn't like weirdo purgatory cursed? he then gives a small... laugh. maybe half at himself for even being so shaken by it. ] Cheater.
[ but, they do end up making it to the car.
he holds the door open for tobari... i guess they can pick up the plushies next time. ]
tobari just tries not to laugh when he shortcircuits, raising a brow as if to almost silently ask ‘you good?’ but he’ll try to let rafayel keep most of his dignity… his thumb brushes against the back of rafayel’s hand almost in apology though… he didn’t realize the reaction would be quite so strong to something so chaste ]
Sorry. If you don’t want me to give up, I might not play fair. It’s better if you don’t start thinking I’m that good of a guy.
[ sometimes he’s a little selfish too… even if it’s only sometimes and a little.
he’ll get into the car easily enough, probably again admiring it… cars nice. machines cool ]
[ he gives a small huff, he shakes his head. he downplays his own reaction, if just to retain some semblance of composure. ] That's impossible. [ to not see him as a good guy. unfortunately, he as good tastes. he says this as he also enters the drivers side, and settles into the seat. he leans over, and places the octopus on tobari's lap, and then moves to assist him with his seat belt, which is kind of hard since the roof of the car is so low.
regardless, he's deliberate in how lightly he touches tobari's side, as he clicks it into place. he looks at him and smiles, as he already pulls back. ] For the record, you know we've done more than that, right?
[ still, trying to play it cool... as if the emotions back then and now are the same. they're clearly not, but let him pretend. ]
[ tobari frowns just a little bit... he's really not a good guy... but he won't argue it because he has a feeling they'll never reach a conclusion. he'll hold the octopus in his lap like precious cargo and huffs a bit when rafayel insists on helping with the seatbelt
he raises a brow at the mention ]
... slightly different motivations.
[ like
tobari would've hooked up with raf then but not now so ]
Just slightly? [ he smiles to himself, if just because he does think it's a little cute to hear tobari admit that. the octopus on his lap helps, too. even if he does think he should stop teasing him now. with a push of a button, the engine revs, and he turns to wink at tobari. ]
I'll take the long way home, unless you're tired? There's a good place to look at the city lights that's not too far from here.
[ tobari's interest gets caught again and his eyes light up just a bit with the sound of the engine... guy likes machines and what are cars if not just even more refined machines
but he just huffs out an amused breath, raising a brow in a silent question. date getting extended, huh... but what he says aloud is a simple: ]
Mm. I'd like that.
Guess there's a lot I still haven't seen.
[ he's prone to exploring on his own, but there's a lot of ground to cover... ]
[ he can't help but find the reaction really endearing. then again, he probably was the same when he came up to the surface. maybe that's why he can't help but be drawn to things like driving incredibly fast, or claw machines. these are experiences he believes you can't get anywhere else...
pluuus, as great as riding on the back of a whale can be, it's not exactly thrilling.
that said, the roads are far less congested now with the swift coming of nightfall. it probably also helps that neither of them tended to operate on the same work day schedules as the rest of the city. he shifts into drive, before he steps on the gas. ]
Yeah, and you have the best chauffeur around. Don't think everyone gets this treatment.
[ he then gestures to the glove box. inside it, tobari will find some snacks, including chocolates. ]
[ which he does genuinely believe but no need to get into all that... when they start moving, tobari admires the car again—and lets his gaze follow raf's direction to the glove box. opening it, he'll pull out the chocolates with a small laugh ]
Still craving more sweets?
[ well, he'll open it anyway to look through the options ]
Preference?
[ since these little boxes always have a variety... ]
[ . . . ? tobari tilts his head at the question, turning the lid over to look at the cheat sheet of options. he's quiet for a bit, reading them over, but if he's being honest... ]
... I don't really have a strong preference on things. Is that odd?
[ tobari likes some things more than others, but his opinions on food are often neutral. japanese is familiar because of itehari and he'll eat sweets because suzune would often bring them home and he'd help her finish them. ]
Fruits, I guess.
[ so he's looking for a cherry or strawberry flavor with the chocolate... fresh fruits were harder to bring up to itehari so maybe he likes them because they feel like a treat ]
though, he thinks it may make sense. if flowers were such a rare commodity in his world, he can only envision that most things that came readily to others was limited. so before he takes his words as patronizing, he does continue. ] I also think the have a specific taste that you can only really think to have on the surface. I like the tartness to it, and it's a good contrast with chocolate.
But, what I really want to say is... it's not odd. Whatever you don't know or haven't tried, you can start from today. Maybe in time, you'll grow to have even stronger preferences, and I'll have to start calling you Mister Picky.
[ cute....? tobari frowns a little bit in confusion? hello? he is the big bad head of the red light district?
but.... well. tobari considers the words. it's possible he might develop stronger preferences the more he's exposed to different tastes and flavors and just... food that never made it up to itehari. he's curious. he'd like to try as much as he can. but as for being picky... ]
... I hope not. At least not to that extent. [ softly ] I think... it's important to be grateful for anything you're given. Food especially.
[ it's not date night talk, but he remembers what it's like to go hungry. to feel weak and shaky and cold. and the abyss got so, so cold. he picks out the cherry chocolates—there's two in the box, so he reaches over to rafayel's lips. a simple request: ] Open. [ before he guides it to his mouth ]
When it comes to food, people work hard to pick it, prepare it, box it, deliver it... even find out what you like and share it. So I'll probably always like this feeling most, regardless of flavor. Trying something new with someone I like.
[ said with a little smile before tobari eats his own matching chocolate ]
[ that response back is... very tobari. undeniably and painfully so.
it was rare to find someone with this level of gratitude. the type of person who would never truly take things for granted, and who in turn, because of this, had their eyes and heart open to beauty of the world. as awful and cruel of a place that it could be, it's tobari who acts as a constant reminder to the fact that the concept of "not always" exists. in that sense, he can't help but to release a small, quiet sigh. as revenge for making him feel these emotions,
he gently clamp nips on tobari's finger as he slides the chocolate into his mouth. he almost kisses his hand in some weird reflex, but barely stops himself as he peeks at tobari briefly from his peripherals. ] Yeah, someone you like.
[ ... but, cherry. it's good. it might be a flavor he associates with him now, and that felt dangerous. ] Though, I think the hand-off could use some work. I mean, "open"— that's too demanding for someone you like?
[ or is he the customer or employer in his scenario? was this supposed to be roleplay he isn't sure, but what he does know is that he wants to also be the one to show tobari everything. ]
he just tilts his head slightly even if his eyes remain on the road. the streets pull into a winding, less marked pathway through the mountains, and so he does drop his speed a little. as much as he could turn this to linkon drift... he allows them both to live another day. ]
What's that supposed to mean? Are you going to treat me roughly from now on?
[ he can kind of see the reflection of tobari's head turning towards the window, and he can't help but think it was already worth it to drive up here. it makes him think that maybe he could also gradually start keeping his promise to show tobari the world too. ]
No, but I get the feeling you say what you don't mean sometimes.
that makes him laugh. it's short-lived and a little out of disbelief, but it is a laugh. he's amused at the idea. he can't deny it! sometimes he is a little liar but also, ]
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even if he's been forgiven (?), he still thinks back on it from time to time. especially during times where he feels like tobari is grappling with the weight of everything he's inevitably left behind. even if he can relate, each time it happens, he renews a silent vow that he has to do better to support him.
the squeeze is reassuring. enough that he continues walking a little more leisurely. he also grips his back firmly. ] They say trust is one of the most valuable things you can give to another person. Trust is incredibly fragile, after all. But, for some reason... [ he gets the impression that tobari's trust is a little more robust than anyone else's, and yet, he still thinks he has to take extra care of it in spite of that. ]
I know how painful it is to wait. [ so he thinks he won't keep tobari waiting for too long. ]
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... how am I supposed to not trust you? [ when rafayel cares about tobari's life more than tobari does? ] I'm not so cold a guy that I can remain unaffected by you.
[ rafayel's friendship, yes, but even his more erratic acts of attempted salvation and thoughtfulness have gotten to tobari. sometimes what you crave more than anything is the idea that someone is so unapologetically on your side. all of that makes the idea of feeling 'pain' over him seem so... small ]
I can handle whatever comes as a result of that.
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[ he turns to tobari and just lightly brushes the back of his knuckle against his lips. just enough for the warmth to transfer, but not without enough force to leave any lingering sensation. he doesn't withdraw right away, either. he locks eyes with him, as if making a point. ]
But, okay, okay. I got you. Though, you should know... I can't help but be worried about you. [ for better or worse, tobari had a way of making people ... rightfully concerned. there was no telling what he was capable of getting himself into in all his kindness. he thinks it's funny if just because he seems so gruff from his exterior. but like their first meeting, he's sure ... his softness is also impossible to miss. he was the kind of guy who'd cling onto a single flower, after all.
... speaking of, he should bring him to the greenhouse sometime. ]
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that said, there's a little quirk of his brow. tobari has lived through so much shit at this point, he finds it odd to think that he could be worried about. how come! he's a terrorist! he's the big bad district boss! isn't he the problem.... so he just huffs out a breath of amusement ]
You know, I think that I can handle myself pretty well.
[ but if rafayel's going to try to make a point, then so is tobari? he'll take their hands then and gives a firm enough pull to tug rafayel closer to him—though his free hand catches his hip to steady him so he doesn't fall or they don't crash into each other
but they are much closer. closer enough for their noses to brush ]
So you shouldn't threaten me with a good time.
[ what if he doesn't want to be careful? what then? ]
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I'd argue that's kiiinda part of the problem. [ he's not saying tobari was to be underestimated, but he certainly had a way of thinking, vs. a way of actually doing. kindness shouldn't ever be a detriment to someone, and yet. they live in a society of humans?
but, he's distracted by all such sentiments when tobari tugs him closer. close enough where he can feel his warmth penetrating the chilly night air, and enough where he can't help but feel both self-conscious, and the tiniest bit excited. his heart is beating in his chest, and despite all his reservations he leans in and...
presses his cheek just up against his. ] A good time? Like this?
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the fact of the matter is that it only takes this moment for tobari to realize he probably shouldn’t escalate whenever rafayel plays with him because it’s turning into this horrible recurring pattern of chicken where they keep getting dangerously close to something they shouldn’t
having to choose between retreat or crossing a line… uh oh…
tobari thinks about it for half a second before he ultimately settles on a little bit of both—he turns his head just enough to let his lips brush against rafayel’s cheek. you could barely call it a kiss. but barely is still something.
and then he’ll pull back ]
Something like that.
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on one hand intimacy and vulnerability scares him. on the other, he has to win. instinctively, he likes to think he knows tobari would put a stop to it if it was reaching a point of no return, and yet... it looks like he may have only been partly correct there. he feels the light touch of something on his cheek, and he...
short circuits. it takes him a good two to three seconds to official reboot and rewire himself back to reality. a reality where tobari kissed him and he wasn't like weirdo purgatory cursed? he then gives a small... laugh. maybe half at himself for even being so shaken by it. ] Cheater.
[ but, they do end up making it to the car.
he holds the door open for tobari... i guess they can pick up the plushies next time. ]
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tobari just tries not to laugh when he shortcircuits, raising a brow as if to almost silently ask ‘you good?’ but he’ll try to let rafayel keep most of his dignity… his thumb brushes against the back of rafayel’s hand almost in apology though… he didn’t realize the reaction would be quite so strong to something so chaste ]
Sorry. If you don’t want me to give up, I might not play fair. It’s better if you don’t start thinking I’m that good of a guy.
[ sometimes he’s a little selfish too… even if it’s only sometimes and a little.
he’ll get into the car easily enough, probably again admiring it… cars nice. machines cool ]
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regardless, he's deliberate in how lightly he touches tobari's side, as he clicks it into place. he looks at him and smiles, as he already pulls back. ] For the record, you know we've done more than that, right?
[ still, trying to play it cool... as if the emotions back then and now are the same. they're clearly not, but let him pretend. ]
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he raises a brow at the mention ]
... slightly different motivations.
[ like
tobari would've hooked up with raf then but not now so ]
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I'll take the long way home, unless you're tired? There's a good place to look at the city lights that's not too far from here.
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but he just huffs out an amused breath, raising a brow in a silent question. date getting extended, huh... but what he says aloud is a simple: ]
Mm. I'd like that.
Guess there's a lot I still haven't seen.
[ he's prone to exploring on his own, but there's a lot of ground to cover... ]
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pluuus, as great as riding on the back of a whale can be, it's not exactly thrilling.
that said, the roads are far less congested now with the swift coming of nightfall. it probably also helps that neither of them tended to operate on the same work day schedules as the rest of the city. he shifts into drive, before he steps on the gas. ]
Yeah, and you have the best chauffeur around. Don't think everyone gets this treatment.
[ he then gestures to the glove box. inside it, tobari will find some snacks, including chocolates. ]
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[ which he does genuinely believe but no need to get into all that... when they start moving, tobari admires the car again—and lets his gaze follow raf's direction to the glove box. opening it, he'll pull out the chocolates with a small laugh ]
Still craving more sweets?
[ well, he'll open it anyway to look through the options ]
Preference?
[ since these little boxes always have a variety... ]
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[ did anyone?
that said, he does tilt his head. ] What did you want? Don't you think you should tell me all your favorites if we're going to keep living together?
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... I don't really have a strong preference on things. Is that odd?
[ tobari likes some things more than others, but his opinions on food are often neutral. japanese is familiar because of itehari and he'll eat sweets because suzune would often bring them home and he'd help her finish them. ]
Fruits, I guess.
[ so he's looking for a cherry or strawberry flavor with the chocolate... fresh fruits were harder to bring up to itehari so maybe he likes them because they feel like a treat ]
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[ he can't help but say it, but it really is...
though, he thinks it may make sense. if flowers were such a rare commodity in his world, he can only envision that most things that came readily to others was limited. so before he takes his words as patronizing, he does continue. ] I also think the have a specific taste that you can only really think to have on the surface. I like the tartness to it, and it's a good contrast with chocolate.
But, what I really want to say is... it's not odd. Whatever you don't know or haven't tried, you can start from today. Maybe in time, you'll grow to have even stronger preferences, and I'll have to start calling you Mister Picky.
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but.... well. tobari considers the words. it's possible he might develop stronger preferences the more he's exposed to different tastes and flavors and just... food that never made it up to itehari. he's curious. he'd like to try as much as he can. but as for being picky... ]
... I hope not. At least not to that extent. [ softly ] I think... it's important to be grateful for anything you're given. Food especially.
[ it's not date night talk, but he remembers what it's like to go hungry. to feel weak and shaky and cold. and the abyss got so, so cold. he picks out the cherry chocolates—there's two in the box, so he reaches over to rafayel's lips. a simple request: ] Open. [ before he guides it to his mouth ]
When it comes to food, people work hard to pick it, prepare it, box it, deliver it... even find out what you like and share it. So I'll probably always like this feeling most, regardless of flavor. Trying something new with someone I like.
[ said with a little smile before tobari eats his own matching chocolate ]
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it was rare to find someone with this level of gratitude. the type of person who would never truly take things for granted, and who in turn, because of this, had their eyes and heart open to beauty of the world. as awful and cruel of a place that it could be, it's tobari who acts as a constant reminder to the fact that the concept of "not always" exists. in that sense, he can't help but to release a small, quiet sigh. as revenge for making him feel these emotions,
he gently clamp nips on tobari's finger as he slides the chocolate into his mouth. he almost kisses his hand in some weird reflex, but barely stops himself as he peeks at tobari briefly from his peripherals. ] Yeah, someone you like.
[ ... but, cherry. it's good. it might be a flavor he associates with him now, and that felt dangerous. ] Though, I think the hand-off could use some work. I mean, "open"— that's too demanding for someone you like?
[ or is he the customer or employer in his scenario? was this supposed to be roleplay he isn't sure, but what he does know is that he wants to also be the one to show tobari everything. ]
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[ listen. "open" is effective and simple when necessary? and it can still be kinda spicy depending on the implication? it's a very flexible word... ]
I don't think I need to handle you that gently, though.
[ about some things sure because rafayel has been prone to spiraling tonight but
this seemed fine ]
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he just tilts his head slightly even if his eyes remain on the road. the streets pull into a winding, less marked pathway through the mountains, and so he does drop his speed a little. as much as he could turn this to linkon drift... he allows them both to live another day. ]
What's that supposed to mean? Are you going to treat me roughly from now on?
[ ?_? ]
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Would you be opposed? You can be honest.
[ this is still flirting ]
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No, but I get the feeling you say what you don't mean sometimes.
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that makes him laugh. it's short-lived and a little out of disbelief, but it is a laugh. he's amused at the idea. he can't deny it! sometimes he is a little liar but also, ]
Big fan of throwing stones from glass houses?
[ HYPOCRITE ]
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Puh-lease? I'm like always honest? You must not listen to me much.
[ he will never acknowledge this is also him. ]
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