tobari leans into the touch idly as he thinks about that. nervous? not really. he doesn't get nervous in any way that's innocent or small. rather, the way he feels around rafayel is... ]
I think—
[ you're the only person I really let in anymore ]
... it's the opposite. Like you're the only one I can relax around. Even a little.
[ that he doesn't have to be on guard on or worry about another betrayal coming ]
[ while the answer isn't exactly what he expects, it isn't necessarily a shock either. he feels similarly. he felt this way back in purgatory as well, but maybe they had enough in common where it didn't feel like baggage as much as a point of mutual understanding.
maybe there is comfort in that. ]
Well, that's good. I mean, we dooo live together. [ lol. ]
But, I think I know what you mean. While I do hope you feel that more often here in Linkon [ maybe with friends, or other people he eventually meets. ], I still hope I'm the first person you turn to.
[ like of course he wants tobari to be able to trust others at his own pace, and find people to relax around, but also... he still wants to be special? is that selfish... ]
[ . . . tobari ends up going a little quiet at that. to him, that was shioji. his older brother figure that he thought always had his best interests at heart, who was his sounding board for all decisions, and was always the friendly face who took care of all the things that tobari didn't want to do.
he will just reach to tangle his fingers idly in rafayel's again. ]
You are.
[ even if he's bad at opening up. ]
I trust you more than anyone.
[ and he hopes it won't get him burned again. but even if it does, that's just his fault. that's the price of faith. ]
[ i love how he still has to kill shioji in vial au too...
that said, maybe it's fortunate that he's not in the picture. honestly, tobari seems like he's just gone through a lot, and rafayel doesn't pretend to understand what drives him to say any of this. he just knows... it must be an incredibly painful thing to come to terms with.
of believing it's harder to put your faith in someone. ]
... Then, you can be my person too.
[ he squeezes his hand. ] That way, you don't ever have to be scared.
[ if he's giving him the power to hurt him, then he also wants to give up the same thing. somehow, that feels more... intimate than if they just said i love you, but...
rafayel is not thinking about that at all, actually. it just feels right. ]
[ kILL HIM? the way tobari would actually be so sad if shioji died... damb
but he does look over a bit at rafayel's words. two thoughts slip into his mind at once—the way that this is an awfully trusting thing to say even though he knows that rafayel has someone else in his heart. to be 'his person' nonetheless... tobari won't take that for granted, regardless of whatever else their relationship looks like and...
it occurs to him that despite the fact that tobari is so used to carrying people's faith and trust and hopes... he feels the most worried about disappointing rafayel. he hopes he never gets close. if there is one person's belief that he'd like to keep, it's his. ]
... same to you, then. If it helps you feel less alone.
[ sighs, you're right. he is still the man who saved him... just skins him
he would argue he'd always love miss bodyguard in some way, shape, or form. they were bonded, even in this life, and regardless of it's something she acknowledges or not. she may have no interest in him, but that fact remains constant. but, could he say he trusted her when he can't even shown who he is to her? the emotions he feels are a little different. he realizes love and trust, a relationship that's actually built up...
is a little different.
but, he could say he trusts tobari. with conviction. honestly, he doesn't even consider being disappointed, but maybe that's also a sign he hasn't learned from being abandoned the first time. do they both have issues? maybe. ]
Less alone... I think you're right. [ ... ] I was stranded on the road in the mountains like this once. [ he tries to explain without the details of how he was virtually chased and ran off the road, and without the part of his injuries. ] Back then, I had no one to call for help or even just to talk to, and it made me realize how truly alone I was. I could have helped myself, sure, but in that moment, I just...
[ he shakes his head. ] What I mean is, I'm glad you're here. Thanks.
the story of rafayel being left stranded makes tobari frown immediately and his fingers curl around his hand just a little bit tighter, unconsciously. the idea of him being in a situation like that, truly stuck and without anyone... it bothers him. even in tobari's own last moments, when he did die back on itehari (which is still slightly odd to think on now), he didn't feel that level of isolation. no one let him. he was lucky. truly lucky. ]
... I won't let you feel that way again.
[ such a certain declaration—but he means it. regardless of whatever this relationship turns into. he feels so strongly about this that he even forgets for a moment that he might not even have that much time left. how easily he could be made into a liar. ]
You don't need to thank me for that, though. I'm choosing to be here. Every second.
[ maybe he's bound to rafayel in his own way because of the vial and his own sense of gratitude, sure... but he doesn't think that discredits his active choice to spend time with him. to choose him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Okay, Mister Jailbreak. [ lol. ]
I thought you liked a bit of danger. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here alone with me.
[ he says as he suddenly uses his hand to pretend to "bite" tobari on his side.
he should not be doing this while driving. ]
no subject
[ a halfhearted little warning tone, even as tobari glances over finally to look sharply at rafayel ]
Are you saying that I should be nervous around you?
[ said like thatβs such
a far off dream ]
no subject
he's not actually sorry. ]
Shouldn't you?
[ ... ] If not nervous, then what?
no subject
tobari leans into the touch idly as he thinks about that. nervous? not really. he doesn't get nervous in any way that's innocent or small. rather, the way he feels around rafayel is... ]
I think—
[ you're the only person I really let in anymore ]
... it's the opposite. Like you're the only one I can relax around. Even a little.
[ that he doesn't have to be on guard on or worry about another betrayal coming ]
no subject
maybe there is comfort in that. ]
Well, that's good. I mean, we dooo live together. [ lol. ]
But, I think I know what you mean. While I do hope you feel that more often here in Linkon [ maybe with friends, or other people he eventually meets. ], I still hope I'm the first person you turn to.
[ like of course he wants tobari to be able to trust others at his own pace, and find people to relax around, but also... he still wants to be special? is that selfish... ]
no subject
he will just reach to tangle his fingers idly in rafayel's again. ]
You are.
[ even if he's bad at opening up. ]
I trust you more than anyone.
[ and he hopes it won't get him burned again. but even if it does, that's just his fault. that's the price of faith. ]
no subject
that said, maybe it's fortunate that he's not in the picture. honestly, tobari seems like he's just gone through a lot, and rafayel doesn't pretend to understand what drives him to say any of this. he just knows... it must be an incredibly painful thing to come to terms with.
of believing it's harder to put your faith in someone. ]
... Then, you can be my person too.
[ he squeezes his hand. ] That way, you don't ever have to be scared.
[ if he's giving him the power to hurt him, then he also wants to give up the same thing. somehow, that feels more... intimate than if they just said i love you, but...
rafayel is not thinking about that at all, actually. it just feels right. ]
no subject
but he does look over a bit at rafayel's words. two thoughts slip into his mind at once—the way that this is an awfully trusting thing to say even though he knows that rafayel has someone else in his heart. to be 'his person' nonetheless... tobari won't take that for granted, regardless of whatever else their relationship looks like and...
it occurs to him that despite the fact that tobari is so used to carrying people's faith and trust and hopes... he feels the most worried about disappointing rafayel. he hopes he never gets close. if there is one person's belief that he'd like to keep, it's his. ]
... same to you, then. If it helps you feel less alone.
You'll always have me.
no subject
he would argue he'd always love miss bodyguard in some way, shape, or form. they were bonded, even in this life, and regardless of it's something she acknowledges or not. she may have no interest in him, but that fact remains constant. but, could he say he trusted her when he can't even shown who he is to her? the emotions he feels are a little different. he realizes love and trust, a relationship that's actually built up...
is a little different.
but, he could say he trusts tobari. with conviction. honestly, he doesn't even consider being disappointed, but maybe that's also a sign he hasn't learned from being abandoned the first time. do they both have issues? maybe. ]
Less alone... I think you're right. [ ... ] I was stranded on the road in the mountains like this once. [ he tries to explain without the details of how he was virtually chased and ran off the road, and without the part of his injuries. ] Back then, I had no one to call for help or even just to talk to, and it made me realize how truly alone I was. I could have helped myself, sure, but in that moment, I just...
[ he shakes his head. ] What I mean is, I'm glad you're here. Thanks.
no subject
the story of rafayel being left stranded makes tobari frown immediately and his fingers curl around his hand just a little bit tighter, unconsciously. the idea of him being in a situation like that, truly stuck and without anyone... it bothers him. even in tobari's own last moments, when he did die back on itehari (which is still slightly odd to think on now), he didn't feel that level of isolation. no one let him. he was lucky. truly lucky. ]
... I won't let you feel that way again.
[ such a certain declaration—but he means it. regardless of whatever this relationship turns into. he feels so strongly about this that he even forgets for a moment that he might not even have that much time left. how easily he could be made into a liar. ]
You don't need to thank me for that, though. I'm choosing to be here. Every second.
[ maybe he's bound to rafayel in his own way because of the vial and his own sense of gratitude, sure... but he doesn't think that discredits his active choice to spend time with him. to choose him. ]