[ tobari thinking all that and rafayel having no clue...
to be fair, this all feels like dangerous territory to him. his blossoming feelings, and the acute awareness to it all. he isn't sure if tobari is confident of returning to a time before they've went on this date, and before they knew each other's warmth like this— but, rafayel wasn't.
he was always the type to long for things that were already out of his grasp. but, if he were being completely truthful, he didn't want one of those things mourned to be this.
but, he is also serious about giving tobari time to really adapt. ] Hey, don't word it like that. I mean it. I think it's more for you. [ to get used to this place. he also squeezes back and for a moment he draws his hands towards his lips, and he just gently breathes on them, just enough to warm them. ]
Besides, you lived somewhere pretty different, so we should also get you checked out everywhere. [ tobari's trip to the dentist... but he also thinks... wasn't the air pressure different up there? honestly, this probably isn't the first time he's brought this up. ]
[ tobari is too normal about love. in early stages like this, he's convinced that feelings can fade—even if at the moment, you feel like that's impossible. objectively, he thinks that he could get over this and let his feelings for rafayel fade into something platonic. intense, sure, and more intimate than anything in this world... but platonic! subjectively, it feels like this feeling might consume him.
but he'll raise a brow slowly at the idea that this is for him, even as he lets rafayel have his hand to warm it. it's a strange sensation, one he hasn't been on the receiving end of since he was a kid trying to survive those cold temperatures in the abyss but... it isn't bad. ]
You don't need to be too considerate of me. [ he says, hypocritically ]
... but yeah. Now that Suzune's settled, I can get around to it. [ he's always more focused on other people than himself, but he supposes now he can find the opportunity... ] If you know a doctor or hospital to recommend me to, I'll get it taken care of.
[ a surprisingly easy agreement but like. okay. he knows he's dying. he figures he should probably tell rafayel at some point once he gets an idea of how bad it is. ]
I'm sorry, but that's already not possible for me. You should have been aware of that before I kidnapped you. It's not like you didn't know my personality.
[ he thinks tobari should spend less time taking responsibility for everyone else, and instead be using his newfound freedom more breezily, as intended. but, as much as he thinks it, he knows that tobari at his core... just wasn't like that.
but, even if that's the case, and even if rafayel accepts him for that— that didn't mean he wouldn't keep trying to change him. for all that tobari gives, he'd make sure he'd receive. it was as simple as that. ]
[ that's... true. rafayel is also extremely caring, even if there are times that he is simultaneously distant and constantly dancing out of reach. tobari frowns because he can't really argue against it... even though he's not sure what to do with that type of consideration.
even if he can't deny that it feels... nice.
but he also thinks that rafayel being present for the x-ray that reveals that tobari's lungs are quite literally crystallizing and shortening his lifespan would be... bad! so.
he reaches up to poke rafayel in the center of his nose ]
I'm not a child that needs a chaperone everywhere I go. I can handle my own appointments and health. But I'll let you know how things go after, alright?
[ he's relieved when a rebuttal doesn't come. then again, he feels like tobari was relatively self-aware. it's just his judgments and choices weren't exactly as reasonable as he likely believed... ( us voice ) just sacrificing yourself isn't reasonable
when he feels the poke, he does make a face. ] Hey... [ is that how you treat your free hand-warmer? that said, he does end up giving a nod of agreement. ] Okay. We'll do it your way. [ honestly, he hasn't gone to a doctor, outside of [redacted], so it's doctor zayne again... ]
Let me know too if there's anything I can do. Your health is the most important.
tobari just hums noncommittally at that, because he can't give an answer one way or another. is his health most important? hard to say. it shouldn't be since it's not doing well... he doesn't want rafayel to crash out... well!!!!!
that's not a date topic anymore though so he'll just tilt his head ]
Enough fussing. [ hilarious statement coming from tobari ] Is the date already over? And are you feeling okay enough to drive or do you want to keep walking around?
honestly, rafayel has no idea what's on tobari's mind, and it doesn't cross his to think anything is severely out of norm here. ... maybe it's sad that the sea god isn't actually a psychic. that said, ignorance can be bliss, and rafayel was already caught up in his emotions as is...
the crash out.............. the heat....
either way, she shakes his head. ] I can drive. But, don't you know? The date isn't over until I drop you off at home. It's a surface rule.
... [ he raises a brow at tobari briefly? like how do you know that?
oh, right. nvm. but, also still... how do you know that? that's not allowed anymore, even if rafayel is pretending to be knowledgeable here. still, he finds himself grinning just the tiniest bit at the idea that he's a first for tobari's anything.
so there's still that. ] And there'll be many more firsts from now on. [ a pause. ] Right?
he gets a little flustered at that and so he blinks rapidly, before tugging tobari along with just a bit more force. stop embarrassing him!! ]
You really... [ he mumbles as he's going to pick up their plushies first. he misses them. they didn't call him out like this (they can't). though, he does end up continuing with. ] I didn't mean it like that. But, also... don't make it sound like you'll give up so easily.
[ not the plushie pick up. yves has probably put them somewhere safe and high so that they aren't in any danger of getting messy at the bar but also they can be admired and enjoy themselves until their parents come to pick them up
tobari just continues to ????? even as he lets rafayel give him every mixed signal in the fucking book. there's a pinch to his brow though as he tries to figure out how he wants to respond. in the end, he settles for honesty—what he hopes could be grounding against how wild rafayel's feelings might be ]
.... I don't play games like that, Raf.
[ he'll squeeze his hand, hoping that it's reassuring ]
I've made how I feel clear. That's not going to change whether you want me back or not. So do me a favor and at least believe in that.
[ it's not that he doubts tobari. no, they've been through too much for him to be under some false illusion that he was out to deceive him. if anyone was capable of that between the two of him, he'd sooner consider himself the problem. after all, he hasn't forgot what he's done to him...
even if he's been forgiven (?), he still thinks back on it from time to time. especially during times where he feels like tobari is grappling with the weight of everything he's inevitably left behind. even if he can relate, each time it happens, he renews a silent vow that he has to do better to support him.
the squeeze is reassuring. enough that he continues walking a little more leisurely. he also grips his back firmly. ] They say trust is one of the most valuable things you can give to another person. Trust is incredibly fragile, after all. But, for some reason... [ he gets the impression that tobari's trust is a little more robust than anyone else's, and yet, he still thinks he has to take extra care of it in spite of that. ]
I know how painful it is to wait. [ so he thinks he won't keep tobari waiting for too long. ]
[ . . . tobari's trust has been battered quite a bit lately. shioji and shiranui did a number on him. even so—he did tell rafayel that he was willing to rely on him. that he was open to trying again, with him. maybe it was made easier because of all the nonsense with the vial... because it's hard to deny the tangible, physical proof that someone cared about tobari so much that they needed him to live more than they needed his forgiveness. so given all that— ]
... how am I supposed to not trust you? [ when rafayel cares about tobari's life more than tobari does? ] I'm not so cold a guy that I can remain unaffected by you.
[ rafayel's friendship, yes, but even his more erratic acts of attempted salvation and thoughtfulness have gotten to tobari. sometimes what you crave more than anything is the idea that someone is so unapologetically on your side. all of that makes the idea of feeling 'pain' over him seem so... small ]
I'd say it's pretty easy. If you're not careful, I could...
[ he turns to tobari and just lightly brushes the back of his knuckle against his lips. just enough for the warmth to transfer, but not without enough force to leave any lingering sensation. he doesn't withdraw right away, either. he locks eyes with him, as if making a point. ]
But, okay, okay. I got you. Though, you should know... I can't help but be worried about you. [ for better or worse, tobari had a way of making people ... rightfully concerned. there was no telling what he was capable of getting himself into in all his kindness. he thinks it's funny if just because he seems so gruff from his exterior. but like their first meeting, he's sure ... his softness is also impossible to miss. he was the kind of guy who'd cling onto a single flower, after all.
... speaking of, he should bring him to the greenhouse sometime. ]
[ every flower is precious when you've never seen them before...
that said, there's a little quirk of his brow. tobari has lived through so much shit at this point, he finds it odd to think that he could be worried about. how come! he's a terrorist! he's the big bad district boss! isn't he the problem.... so he just huffs out a breath of amusement ]
You know, I think that I can handle myself pretty well.
[ but if rafayel's going to try to make a point, then so is tobari? he'll take their hands then and gives a firm enough pull to tug rafayel closer to him—though his free hand catches his hip to steady him so he doesn't fall or they don't crash into each other
but they are much closer. closer enough for their noses to brush ]
So you shouldn't threaten me with a good time.
[ what if he doesn't want to be careful? what then? ]
[ that fact that he thinks all that is even more adorable... he is not beating the cutie allegations. ]
I'd argue that's kiiinda part of the problem. [ he's not saying tobari was to be underestimated, but he certainly had a way of thinking, vs. a way of actually doing. kindness shouldn't ever be a detriment to someone, and yet. they live in a society of humans?
but, he's distracted by all such sentiments when tobari tugs him closer. close enough where he can feel his warmth penetrating the chilly night air, and enough where he can't help but feel both self-conscious, and the tiniest bit excited. his heart is beating in his chest, and despite all his reservations he leans in and...
presses his cheek just up against his. ] A good time? Like this?
the fact of the matter is that it only takes this moment for tobari to realize he probably shouldn’t escalate whenever rafayel plays with him because it’s turning into this horrible recurring pattern of chicken where they keep getting dangerously close to something they shouldn’t
having to choose between retreat or crossing a line… uh oh…
tobari thinks about it for half a second before he ultimately settles on a little bit of both—he turns his head just enough to let his lips brush against rafayel’s cheek. you could barely call it a kiss. but barely is still something.
on one hand intimacy and vulnerability scares him. on the other, he has to win. instinctively, he likes to think he knows tobari would put a stop to it if it was reaching a point of no return, and yet... it looks like he may have only been partly correct there. he feels the light touch of something on his cheek, and he...
short circuits. it takes him a good two to three seconds to official reboot and rewire himself back to reality. a reality where tobari kissed him and he wasn't like weirdo purgatory cursed? he then gives a small... laugh. maybe half at himself for even being so shaken by it. ] Cheater.
[ but, they do end up making it to the car.
he holds the door open for tobari... i guess they can pick up the plushies next time. ]
tobari just tries not to laugh when he shortcircuits, raising a brow as if to almost silently ask ‘you good?’ but he’ll try to let rafayel keep most of his dignity… his thumb brushes against the back of rafayel’s hand almost in apology though… he didn’t realize the reaction would be quite so strong to something so chaste ]
Sorry. If you don’t want me to give up, I might not play fair. It’s better if you don’t start thinking I’m that good of a guy.
[ sometimes he’s a little selfish too… even if it’s only sometimes and a little.
he’ll get into the car easily enough, probably again admiring it… cars nice. machines cool ]
[ he gives a small huff, he shakes his head. he downplays his own reaction, if just to retain some semblance of composure. ] That's impossible. [ to not see him as a good guy. unfortunately, he as good tastes. he says this as he also enters the drivers side, and settles into the seat. he leans over, and places the octopus on tobari's lap, and then moves to assist him with his seat belt, which is kind of hard since the roof of the car is so low.
regardless, he's deliberate in how lightly he touches tobari's side, as he clicks it into place. he looks at him and smiles, as he already pulls back. ] For the record, you know we've done more than that, right?
[ still, trying to play it cool... as if the emotions back then and now are the same. they're clearly not, but let him pretend. ]
[ tobari frowns just a little bit... he's really not a good guy... but he won't argue it because he has a feeling they'll never reach a conclusion. he'll hold the octopus in his lap like precious cargo and huffs a bit when rafayel insists on helping with the seatbelt
he raises a brow at the mention ]
... slightly different motivations.
[ like
tobari would've hooked up with raf then but not now so ]
Just slightly? [ he smiles to himself, if just because he does think it's a little cute to hear tobari admit that. the octopus on his lap helps, too. even if he does think he should stop teasing him now. with a push of a button, the engine revs, and he turns to wink at tobari. ]
I'll take the long way home, unless you're tired? There's a good place to look at the city lights that's not too far from here.
[ tobari's interest gets caught again and his eyes light up just a bit with the sound of the engine... guy likes machines and what are cars if not just even more refined machines
but he just huffs out an amused breath, raising a brow in a silent question. date getting extended, huh... but what he says aloud is a simple: ]
Mm. I'd like that.
Guess there's a lot I still haven't seen.
[ he's prone to exploring on his own, but there's a lot of ground to cover... ]
[ he can't help but find the reaction really endearing. then again, he probably was the same when he came up to the surface. maybe that's why he can't help but be drawn to things like driving incredibly fast, or claw machines. these are experiences he believes you can't get anywhere else...
pluuus, as great as riding on the back of a whale can be, it's not exactly thrilling.
that said, the roads are far less congested now with the swift coming of nightfall. it probably also helps that neither of them tended to operate on the same work day schedules as the rest of the city. he shifts into drive, before he steps on the gas. ]
Yeah, and you have the best chauffeur around. Don't think everyone gets this treatment.
[ he then gestures to the glove box. inside it, tobari will find some snacks, including chocolates. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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to be fair, this all feels like dangerous territory to him. his blossoming feelings, and the acute awareness to it all. he isn't sure if tobari is confident of returning to a time before they've went on this date, and before they knew each other's warmth like this— but, rafayel wasn't.
he was always the type to long for things that were already out of his grasp. but, if he were being completely truthful, he didn't want one of those things mourned to be this.
but, he is also serious about giving tobari time to really adapt. ] Hey, don't word it like that. I mean it. I think it's more for you. [ to get used to this place. he also squeezes back and for a moment he draws his hands towards his lips, and he just gently breathes on them, just enough to warm them. ]
Besides, you lived somewhere pretty different, so we should also get you checked out everywhere. [ tobari's trip to the dentist... but he also thinks... wasn't the air pressure different up there? honestly, this probably isn't the first time he's brought this up. ]
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but he'll raise a brow slowly at the idea that this is for him, even as he lets rafayel have his hand to warm it. it's a strange sensation, one he hasn't been on the receiving end of since he was a kid trying to survive those cold temperatures in the abyss but... it isn't bad. ]
You don't need to be too considerate of me. [ he says, hypocritically ]
... but yeah. Now that Suzune's settled, I can get around to it. [ he's always more focused on other people than himself, but he supposes now he can find the opportunity... ] If you know a doctor or hospital to recommend me to, I'll get it taken care of.
[ a surprisingly easy agreement but like. okay. he knows he's dying. he figures he should probably tell rafayel at some point once he gets an idea of how bad it is. ]
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[ he thinks tobari should spend less time taking responsibility for everyone else, and instead be using his newfound freedom more breezily, as intended. but, as much as he thinks it, he knows that tobari at his core... just wasn't like that.
but, even if that's the case, and even if rafayel accepts him for that— that didn't mean he wouldn't keep trying to change him. for all that tobari gives, he'd make sure he'd receive. it was as simple as that. ]
... You don't want me to come with you?
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even if he can't deny that it feels... nice.
but he also thinks that rafayel being present for the x-ray that reveals that tobari's lungs are quite literally crystallizing and shortening his lifespan would be... bad! so.
he reaches up to poke rafayel in the center of his nose ]
I'm not a child that needs a chaperone everywhere I go. I can handle my own appointments and health. But I'll let you know how things go after, alright?
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when he feels the poke, he does make a face. ] Hey... [ is that how you treat your free hand-warmer? that said, he does end up giving a nod of agreement. ] Okay. We'll do it your way. [ honestly, he hasn't gone to a doctor, outside of [redacted], so it's doctor zayne again... ]
Let me know too if there's anything I can do. Your health is the most important.
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tobari just hums noncommittally at that, because he can't give an answer one way or another. is his health most important? hard to say. it shouldn't be since it's not doing well... he doesn't want rafayel to crash out... well!!!!!
that's not a date topic anymore though so he'll just tilt his head ]
Enough fussing. [ hilarious statement coming from tobari ] Is the date already over? And are you feeling okay enough to drive or do you want to keep walking around?
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honestly, rafayel has no idea what's on tobari's mind, and it doesn't cross his to think anything is severely out of norm here. ... maybe it's sad that the sea god isn't actually a psychic. that said, ignorance can be bliss, and rafayel was already caught up in his emotions as is...
the crash out.............. the heat....
either way, she shakes his head. ] I can drive. But, don't you know? The date isn't over until I drop you off at home. It's a surface rule.
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Is it... [ well, ] Mm, Itehari's not so different. Can't say I've ever returned to the same house as the person I was seeing though.
Guess there's a first time for everything.
[ what a strange set-up... ]
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oh, right. nvm. but, also still... how do you know that? that's not allowed anymore, even if rafayel is pretending to be knowledgeable here. still, he finds himself grinning just the tiniest bit at the idea that he's a first for tobari's anything.
so there's still that. ] And there'll be many more firsts from now on. [ a pause. ] Right?
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???? raises a brow back at rafayel? why does he keep doing this ]
Weren't you the one that said we'll talk about it later?
[ DOES HE MEAN FIRSTS (YOU VOICE) (PLATONIC) ]
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he pauses at that, because tobari is right.
he gets a little flustered at that and so he blinks rapidly, before tugging tobari along with just a bit more force. stop embarrassing him!! ]
You really... [ he mumbles as he's going to pick up their plushies first. he misses them. they didn't call him out like this (they can't). though, he does end up continuing with. ] I didn't mean it like that. But, also... don't make it sound like you'll give up so easily.
[ is how he took it...
he really is so fickle. ]
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tobari just continues to ????? even as he lets rafayel give him every mixed signal in the fucking book. there's a pinch to his brow though as he tries to figure out how he wants to respond. in the end, he settles for honesty—what he hopes could be grounding against how wild rafayel's feelings might be ]
.... I don't play games like that, Raf.
[ he'll squeeze his hand, hoping that it's reassuring ]
I've made how I feel clear. That's not going to change whether you want me back or not. So do me a favor and at least believe in that.
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even if he's been forgiven (?), he still thinks back on it from time to time. especially during times where he feels like tobari is grappling with the weight of everything he's inevitably left behind. even if he can relate, each time it happens, he renews a silent vow that he has to do better to support him.
the squeeze is reassuring. enough that he continues walking a little more leisurely. he also grips his back firmly. ] They say trust is one of the most valuable things you can give to another person. Trust is incredibly fragile, after all. But, for some reason... [ he gets the impression that tobari's trust is a little more robust than anyone else's, and yet, he still thinks he has to take extra care of it in spite of that. ]
I know how painful it is to wait. [ so he thinks he won't keep tobari waiting for too long. ]
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... how am I supposed to not trust you? [ when rafayel cares about tobari's life more than tobari does? ] I'm not so cold a guy that I can remain unaffected by you.
[ rafayel's friendship, yes, but even his more erratic acts of attempted salvation and thoughtfulness have gotten to tobari. sometimes what you crave more than anything is the idea that someone is so unapologetically on your side. all of that makes the idea of feeling 'pain' over him seem so... small ]
I can handle whatever comes as a result of that.
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[ he turns to tobari and just lightly brushes the back of his knuckle against his lips. just enough for the warmth to transfer, but not without enough force to leave any lingering sensation. he doesn't withdraw right away, either. he locks eyes with him, as if making a point. ]
But, okay, okay. I got you. Though, you should know... I can't help but be worried about you. [ for better or worse, tobari had a way of making people ... rightfully concerned. there was no telling what he was capable of getting himself into in all his kindness. he thinks it's funny if just because he seems so gruff from his exterior. but like their first meeting, he's sure ... his softness is also impossible to miss. he was the kind of guy who'd cling onto a single flower, after all.
... speaking of, he should bring him to the greenhouse sometime. ]
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that said, there's a little quirk of his brow. tobari has lived through so much shit at this point, he finds it odd to think that he could be worried about. how come! he's a terrorist! he's the big bad district boss! isn't he the problem.... so he just huffs out a breath of amusement ]
You know, I think that I can handle myself pretty well.
[ but if rafayel's going to try to make a point, then so is tobari? he'll take their hands then and gives a firm enough pull to tug rafayel closer to him—though his free hand catches his hip to steady him so he doesn't fall or they don't crash into each other
but they are much closer. closer enough for their noses to brush ]
So you shouldn't threaten me with a good time.
[ what if he doesn't want to be careful? what then? ]
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I'd argue that's kiiinda part of the problem. [ he's not saying tobari was to be underestimated, but he certainly had a way of thinking, vs. a way of actually doing. kindness shouldn't ever be a detriment to someone, and yet. they live in a society of humans?
but, he's distracted by all such sentiments when tobari tugs him closer. close enough where he can feel his warmth penetrating the chilly night air, and enough where he can't help but feel both self-conscious, and the tiniest bit excited. his heart is beating in his chest, and despite all his reservations he leans in and...
presses his cheek just up against his. ] A good time? Like this?
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the fact of the matter is that it only takes this moment for tobari to realize he probably shouldn’t escalate whenever rafayel plays with him because it’s turning into this horrible recurring pattern of chicken where they keep getting dangerously close to something they shouldn’t
having to choose between retreat or crossing a line… uh oh…
tobari thinks about it for half a second before he ultimately settles on a little bit of both—he turns his head just enough to let his lips brush against rafayel’s cheek. you could barely call it a kiss. but barely is still something.
and then he’ll pull back ]
Something like that.
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on one hand intimacy and vulnerability scares him. on the other, he has to win. instinctively, he likes to think he knows tobari would put a stop to it if it was reaching a point of no return, and yet... it looks like he may have only been partly correct there. he feels the light touch of something on his cheek, and he...
short circuits. it takes him a good two to three seconds to official reboot and rewire himself back to reality. a reality where tobari kissed him and he wasn't like weirdo purgatory cursed? he then gives a small... laugh. maybe half at himself for even being so shaken by it. ] Cheater.
[ but, they do end up making it to the car.
he holds the door open for tobari... i guess they can pick up the plushies next time. ]
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tobari just tries not to laugh when he shortcircuits, raising a brow as if to almost silently ask ‘you good?’ but he’ll try to let rafayel keep most of his dignity… his thumb brushes against the back of rafayel’s hand almost in apology though… he didn’t realize the reaction would be quite so strong to something so chaste ]
Sorry. If you don’t want me to give up, I might not play fair. It’s better if you don’t start thinking I’m that good of a guy.
[ sometimes he’s a little selfish too… even if it’s only sometimes and a little.
he’ll get into the car easily enough, probably again admiring it… cars nice. machines cool ]
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regardless, he's deliberate in how lightly he touches tobari's side, as he clicks it into place. he looks at him and smiles, as he already pulls back. ] For the record, you know we've done more than that, right?
[ still, trying to play it cool... as if the emotions back then and now are the same. they're clearly not, but let him pretend. ]
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he raises a brow at the mention ]
... slightly different motivations.
[ like
tobari would've hooked up with raf then but not now so ]
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I'll take the long way home, unless you're tired? There's a good place to look at the city lights that's not too far from here.
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but he just huffs out an amused breath, raising a brow in a silent question. date getting extended, huh... but what he says aloud is a simple: ]
Mm. I'd like that.
Guess there's a lot I still haven't seen.
[ he's prone to exploring on his own, but there's a lot of ground to cover... ]
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pluuus, as great as riding on the back of a whale can be, it's not exactly thrilling.
that said, the roads are far less congested now with the swift coming of nightfall. it probably also helps that neither of them tended to operate on the same work day schedules as the rest of the city. he shifts into drive, before he steps on the gas. ]
Yeah, and you have the best chauffeur around. Don't think everyone gets this treatment.
[ he then gestures to the glove box. inside it, tobari will find some snacks, including chocolates. ]
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