tobari just huffs out a breath then, eyes flashing dangerously as he leans in just close enough to drop by rafayelβs ear, low enough that no one else can hear ]
Behave. Or Iβll make you.
[ but heβll free his hand from rafβs hold after that. no more ]
the way he draws in close like that almost makes rafayel think he's going to kiss him. does he want that? it's complicated. he embarrassingly closes his eyes for a second, only to release tobari's already let him go.
... he coughs, clearing his throat. he once more sighs like a pet who isn't paying rent but is working reaaaally hard, before he reaches to grab their... hot ice cream in a cup. he's already holding it up to tobari's lips. a warm bite full of chunks... ]
Like you could. [ he says under his breath, a million years too late. ]
rafayel closing his eyes is satisfying, but once again tobari lets him retreat without having to investigate how he feels too much. he'll push as much as he can, but he supposes the least he can do is let rafayel think that he's in control...
tobari will take his matcha mochi gough-chi whatever cup from rafayel, but he'll also lean in to eat the hot ice cream... he's not sure what temperature it's supposed to be... it's pretty weird... eats it anyway
but also he'll flick his gaze up to meet rafayel's eyes as he pulls back, licking his lips with a bit more purpose than is necessary. ]
I could. [ confidently. part of it is their gap in experience, but also the fact that rafayel is very certain that he can command a situation when necessary. even if he thinks the fight is part of the fun. that said— ] But I probably shouldn't, even if you make it tempting.
[ tries to keep his boundary... at least for tonight... ]
[ tobari is wildly accurate in his assumption. it's true that rafayel likes to believe he retains a certain amount of control over any given situation. over his emotions, too. in reality, he's just one person tempting fate and dangerously playing with fire. even now, despite getting the impression that tobari might actually be getting what he wants out of him... he still stubbornly thinks he's mostly unaffected.
but, considering he's already tensing up at tobari's obvious seduction... he really should start reevaluating. he tries not to focus on tobari's lips or his tongue, and so he turns back to his cup of ice cream soup. ]
Good, I'd hate to see you disappointed after you did all this for me.
[ smug, but this soup isn't bad...
just different. it's like when he first tried cold soups? but, the opposite. at the very least, he thanks the novelty behind the hot ice cream, if just because it gives him something to focus on that wasn't tobari...
if there's one thing that eases his mind: ] You better not have forgotten about the dare.
[ genuinely i have no idea what the temperature for hot ice cream is supposed to be. is it just melted ice cream. what's going on. tobari is just going to bring up a spoonful of the other flavor up to rafayel's mouth so that he can try it.... ]
The one you set up for me? Or the one I have for you? Hmm.... No, I haven't forgotten.
You could say I'm biding my time.
[ it's worse when it's a looming threat, he thinks, and he's not nice enough to relieve the pressure so early ]
[ from my research: "There's a TikTok I saw of a woman who tried it, and she said it wasn't terrible but then described it like if a toddler chewed up a biscuit (or a cookie, for the Americans) and spat it out."
enjoys their regurgitated bird food... ]
... You had one for me?
[ he forgot, or maybe he just got a really large chunk of cookie just now. ]
[ this is fucking disgusting and yet they are eating it because rafayel asked for this..... what is this texture. again, tobari is thinking the surface is so fucking weird.
but also: ]
Didn't I say it earlier? I'm never nice. [ why would he let raf go.... ]
maybe a little too much. he does end up finishing half of his before finally leaning forward to try tobari's. he's a little late so he taps the side of his hand eagerly. since he brought them here, he guesses he does have a responsibility.
the mochi pieces aren't too bad though. he chews thoughtfully, before he sighs. ]
I think you just like to act tough, actually. [ or he's banking on that at least.
while he has a whole little thing he wants tobari to do... is this hypocrisy... ]
Okay, whatever you say. [ the cat fit will be here by tomorrow, so no regrets.
that said, thinking about tomorrow does leave him feeling a little somber. while it might be unfair, he can't help but get a little sentimental when he thinks this could be their last date. he falls into a thought for a moment, before he shakes it off.
rafayel grabbed a spoon earlier, and he uses it to scoop up a mochi ball from tobari's ice cream and holds it up to his mouth. ]
Thanks for tonight. It isn't too early for me to say that, is it?
tobari's not a mindreader, but the sudden gratitude just gets him to tilt his head. he'll lean in to eat the mochi ball and take advantage of the time he needs to chew to measure his next words out ]
It doesn't have to be... though it's not an uncommon line from someone trying to split from the date early.
[ so he'll raise his brow at that, a silent question. he doesn't mind returning to Heterosexual Housemate Dynamics if this is already rafayel trying to cut and run? ]
... surprises him. he blinks a few times. tobari's intuition was not to be underestimated. when he looks at him so quietly like that, though... he takes a moment to swallow down the rest of his drink, before he shakes his head. ] You do remember that we're going home together, right? If you don't want this to end, then we can just continue it for as long as you want. [ outside, formal date to home date also sounded kind of fun... or taking a nice drive together.
but that does beg the question— when does it end... ]
[ said with a but of humor. quite plainly—if he had his way, it'd go on a long while. this doesn't need to be something that they do just tonight, it could be something they do for always. he's made himself clear by now, hasn't he? so he leaves the door open and in rafayel's court. they can end it when he wants it... or they can also start it when he wants it. since technically they haven't even truly begun. ]
[ rafayel gives a soft huff. half in humor, and the other half to mask a bit of sheepishness. tobari's words have a certain way of catching him off-guard like this. the affection in his words feel so different against the almost practiced, composed way about him.
he seems to ponder it for a second before shaking his head. ] Is this supposed to be like a fairy tale then? When the clock strikes 12 is the magic all gone? [ he asks, even when he's a little scared of the answer. maybe that's why he moves to take their trash so he can shuffle away to the waste bin. ]
[ hm.... tobari will at least move to stand shortly after, following rafayel and once he's done throwing the trash away, reach out with his palm up to take his hand again. off they go... ]
Even if that'd be convenient, I think magic will probably a little more stubborn in this case.
[ tobari doesn't think that whatever this is between them can disappear so easily... but they could always find another pair of horrible awful scissors and find out? ]
No. [ he answers a little more easily and honestly than he should, especially as he grabs onto tobari's hands without looking. coming together like it was gradually becoming second nature to him. ]
But, that might just be selfish. As you can see, I don't have much experience with staying in one place. I've also never had someone stay by my side like this before. Since it's all new, I... [ he's not sure how to feel.
the uncertainty is a contrast to how he just admitted he didn't want tobari to distance himself. he isn't sure if he could handle just going back to how they were, but he also struggles to think of a future where he wouldn't think of her. ]
[ . . . he was just teasing a bit, he didn't mean to make rafayel go into a spiral. he will at least have the decency to guide him out of the hot ice cream shop so he doesn't have to smize about it. evening has draped the sky in all its blues and blacks now, only dotted with a few stars, but tobari will settle for just walking along for a bit. ]
... you can be selfish.
[ he doesn't mind? he'll give rafayel's hand a light squeeze ]
Mm... I don't know if you want to talk about it now, or at least let the date wrap and we can talk about it in the morning. [ because they will, hilariously, still be living together ] But... I guess in general I think my sentiments boil down to the fact that I think you deserve to have someone who stays by your side. Just like this.
And— [ he pauses, weighing the words, trying to determine if he thinks it'd pressure rafayel too much ] ... Well, as long as you want them to.
[ he changed his mind... he'll swallow down his actual selfish sentiment because tobari can give that advice to others, but not quite manage it for himself.
[ the amount of times rafayel has had a meltdown...
it's so hard when your entire character is based off your devotion and love. smize... smile with your eyes, tobari. that said, it's nice to get some of the outside chill again. the ice cream warmed him up a little, sure, but he thinks being worked up probably contributed far more.
but, at tobari's "you can be selfish".. he can only sigh!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!
honestly, it's still a little weird for him— the idea of being thought of with such care. then again, he probably also hears similar words from talia who could only sound like a broken record at this point about "finding your anchor." he wonders if that had somehow ended up being tobari...
a topic he can't exactly broach yet. instead, he continues quietly... ]
Is that what they want? Because if I recall correctly, the only thing I wanted from them was to find their own happiness and to pursue their passions? [ ... is he a potential piece of that for him? could he be? ]
[ it's almost like rafayel is from hit mobile otome game love and deepspace and tobari is in a little guy torture simulator. how is this the same genre? anyway he doesn't feel tortured right now, not by a long shot.
anyway his answer is easy, ]
Sometimes a person's passions often end up being focused on other people. [ platonically yes but also ] And happiness even moreso...
[ he's not shy enough to talk in hypotheticals so he'll speak directly ]
I'm not trying to stress you out, Raf. I'll be fine either way. [ tobari can handle being rejected? the thing that's just a little confusing is that rafayel also doesn't seem to be rejecting him? ] But there's no way I can be happy if you're miserable.
[ that's what i'm saying... gives all of tobari's pain to rafayel ]
I'm not miserable. [ but, it clearly comes a bit faster than he intends, and he can't deny that it sounds insincere even to him. maybe because he instinctively knows it may be a lie. his perception of love was always in terms of pain. in some ways, even his art was all about reaching into that part of his soul that hasn't fully begun to heal. his paintings often depicted all his regrets, his shortcomings, his anger... his longing. so he might have been prepared for misery, yeah.
or he thought he was.
but, lately... he does consider that he may have been happier now than he had been in a long time. where companionship didn't feel nearly as burdensome as a concept as it once was to him, and showing his heart was made a bit more... simple. at least, in front of tobari.
it's why he regrets answering him in that way, and he's quick to shake it off. ]
I do think you're special to me. [ kills rafayel for being so confusing ]
as for his answer... well. it's not like tobari doesn't understand.
if asked if he was depressed, he'd also brush it off. even though he knows that there's a heaviness and listlessness to him here in linkon that didn't exist even over a month ago—back when the district was thriving and everyone who took care of him and he took care of was still alive. his own rate of healing was slow, but it's been made easier when he's put more of his attention on suzune... and now, rafayel. he's not offended by the near defensiveness, if anything it makes sense to him.
like rafayel's answer also makes sense to him. ]
... well, it'd be embarrassing if I misread things to that extent.
[ he does think that their bond stands out. something intimate, even if it's not yet defined as romantic or platonic. ]
But you can take your time. I'm not in a rush.
[ even if he does think he should head to the doctor soon to figure out how true this is... if he's only got a few months left, he might be in a little bit more of a rush? but only for an answer. it'd just be embarrassing to die in the middle of a situationship. talk about dramatic ]
itβs funny how neither of them are strangers to despondency. though, theyβre both relatively resistant to displaying this part of themselves. just as in the past, perhaps itβs precisely because they could relate to one another, that they both werenβt in any particular rush to pry open one anotherβs old wounds. rafayel doesnβt doubt that tobari may always be plagued with thoughts of home, just as he would never forget lemuriaβ¦
however, recently he has been thinking, hypocritically, like talia had once told him— these places, these emotions, and the people in them would always be important, butβ¦ he would also think itβs nice if tobari could still find a way to move forward and find what brings him joy. to stay rooted here in this city alongside himβ¦
that said, rafayel is still rafayel. ] I donβt know, I can see you being kind of delusional, yeah? [ ehehe itβs not a funny joke but he shakes his head. he knows tobari is smart enough to know what he doesnβt have the courage to put to spoken word. ]
Once weβre both stable, we can talk about it again. I wonβt run or hide, [ well, they live together so itβd be pretty dumb to try. ] so letβs do this again sometime.
[ tobari raises a slight brow at the idea of being called delusional—there's some part of him that feels challenged again, that wants to encroach on rafayel's space and lower his voice just so to elicit the blush that he knows he'd be rewarded with... but he supposed that there was a distinct difference between lust and the type of tie that he actually wants to explore with him. ]
"Stable"... [ is a word he echoes, but he's not sure he fully believes in. rafayel says he won't run but the two of them could be pretty good at avoiding topics if they waned to...
even though there's admittedly the new added layer of this electric unspoken something whenever their hands brush or they stand too close to each other now. so perhaps that will disrupt things enough that it won't be possible to remain here? ]
Mm. [ a soft squeeze of rafayel's hand ] Whenever you want.
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tobari just huffs out a breath then, eyes flashing dangerously as he leans in just close enough to drop by rafayelβs ear, low enough that no one else can hear ]
Behave. Or Iβll make you.
[ but heβll free his hand from rafβs hold after that. no more ]
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the way he draws in close like that almost makes rafayel think he's going to kiss him. does he want that? it's complicated. he embarrassingly closes his eyes for a second, only to release tobari's already let him go.
... he coughs, clearing his throat. he once more sighs like a pet who isn't paying rent but is working reaaaally hard, before he reaches to grab their... hot ice cream in a cup. he's already holding it up to tobari's lips. a warm bite full of chunks... ]
Like you could. [ he says under his breath, a million years too late. ]
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rafayel closing his eyes is satisfying, but once again tobari lets him retreat without having to investigate how he feels too much. he'll push as much as he can, but he supposes the least he can do is let rafayel think that he's in control...
tobari will take his matcha mochi gough-chi whatever cup from rafayel, but he'll also lean in to eat the hot ice cream... he's not sure what temperature it's supposed to be... it's pretty weird... eats it anyway
but also he'll flick his gaze up to meet rafayel's eyes as he pulls back, licking his lips with a bit more purpose than is necessary. ]
I could. [ confidently. part of it is their gap in experience, but also the fact that rafayel is very certain that he can command a situation when necessary. even if he thinks the fight is part of the fun. that said— ] But I probably shouldn't, even if you make it tempting.
[ tries to keep his boundary... at least for tonight... ]
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but, considering he's already tensing up at tobari's obvious seduction... he really should start reevaluating. he tries not to focus on tobari's lips or his tongue, and so he turns back to his cup of ice cream soup. ]
Good, I'd hate to see you disappointed after you did all this for me.
[ smug, but this soup isn't bad...
just different. it's like when he first tried cold soups? but, the opposite. at the very least, he thanks the novelty behind the hot ice cream, if just because it gives him something to focus on that wasn't tobari...
if there's one thing that eases his mind: ] You better not have forgotten about the dare.
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The one you set up for me? Or the one I have for you? Hmm.... No, I haven't forgotten.
You could say I'm biding my time.
[ it's worse when it's a looming threat, he thinks, and he's not nice enough to relieve the pressure so early ]
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enjoys their regurgitated bird food... ]
... You had one for me?
[ he forgot, or maybe he just got a really large chunk of cookie just now. ]
Weren't you going to let me off easy?
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but also: ]
Didn't I say it earlier? I'm never nice. [ why would he let raf go.... ]
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maybe a little too much. he does end up finishing half of his before finally leaning forward to try tobari's. he's a little late so he taps the side of his hand eagerly. since he brought them here, he guesses he does have a responsibility.
the mochi pieces aren't too bad though. he chews thoughtfully, before he sighs. ]
I think you just like to act tough, actually. [ or he's banking on that at least.
while he has a whole little thing he wants tobari to do... is this hypocrisy... ]
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If you're fine letting your guard down...
[ :)
but tobari will keep eating this monstrosity as he leaves rafayel to think about that ]
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Shouldn't you be more worried about mine?
[ but, he does think that maybe he should have tobari promise he can't get revenge on him... ]
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I've made peace with it.
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Okay, whatever you say. [ the cat fit will be here by tomorrow, so no regrets.
that said, thinking about tomorrow does leave him feeling a little somber. while it might be unfair, he can't help but get a little sentimental when he thinks this could be their last date. he falls into a thought for a moment, before he shakes it off.
rafayel grabbed a spoon earlier, and he uses it to scoop up a mochi ball from tobari's ice cream and holds it up to his mouth. ]
Thanks for tonight. It isn't too early for me to say that, is it?
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tobari's not a mindreader, but the sudden gratitude just gets him to tilt his head. he'll lean in to eat the mochi ball and take advantage of the time he needs to chew to measure his next words out ]
It doesn't have to be... though it's not an uncommon line from someone trying to split from the date early.
[ so he'll raise his brow at that, a silent question. he doesn't mind returning to Heterosexual Housemate Dynamics if this is already rafayel trying to cut and run? ]
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... surprises him. he blinks a few times. tobari's intuition was not to be underestimated. when he looks at him so quietly like that, though... he takes a moment to swallow down the rest of his drink, before he shakes his head. ] You do remember that we're going home together, right? If you don't want this to end, then we can just continue it for as long as you want. [ outside, formal date to home date also sounded kind of fun... or taking a nice drive together.
but that does beg the question— when does it end... ]
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I don't think that should be left up to me, Raf.
[ said with a but of humor. quite plainly—if he had his way, it'd go on a long while. this doesn't need to be something that they do just tonight, it could be something they do for always. he's made himself clear by now, hasn't he? so he leaves the door open and in rafayel's court. they can end it when he wants it... or they can also start it when he wants it. since technically they haven't even truly begun. ]
I'm on your signal, you know?
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he seems to ponder it for a second before shaking his head. ] Is this supposed to be like a fairy tale then? When the clock strikes 12 is the magic all gone? [ he asks, even when he's a little scared of the answer. maybe that's why he moves to take their trash so he can shuffle away to the waste bin. ]
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Even if that'd be convenient, I think magic will probably a little more stubborn in this case.
[ tobari doesn't think that whatever this is between them can disappear so easily... but they could always find another pair of horrible awful scissors and find out? ]
Why? Is that what you want?
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But, that might just be selfish. As you can see, I don't have much experience with staying in one place. I've also never had someone stay by my side like this before. Since it's all new, I... [ he's not sure how to feel.
the uncertainty is a contrast to how he just admitted he didn't want tobari to distance himself. he isn't sure if he could handle just going back to how they were, but he also struggles to think of a future where he wouldn't think of her. ]
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... you can be selfish.
[ he doesn't mind? he'll give rafayel's hand a light squeeze ]
Mm... I don't know if you want to talk about it now, or at least let the date wrap and we can talk about it in the morning. [ because they will, hilariously, still be living together ] But... I guess in general I think my sentiments boil down to the fact that I think you deserve to have someone who stays by your side. Just like this.
And— [ he pauses, weighing the words, trying to determine if he thinks it'd pressure rafayel too much ] ... Well, as long as you want them to.
[ he changed his mind... he'll swallow down his actual selfish sentiment because tobari can give that advice to others, but not quite manage it for himself.
"And I want that someone to be me." ]
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it's so hard when your entire character is based off your devotion and love. smize... smile with your eyes, tobari. that said, it's nice to get some of the outside chill again. the ice cream warmed him up a little, sure, but he thinks being worked up probably contributed far more.
but, at tobari's "you can be selfish".. he can only sigh!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!
honestly, it's still a little weird for him— the idea of being thought of with such care. then again, he probably also hears similar words from talia who could only sound like a broken record at this point about "finding your anchor." he wonders if that had somehow ended up being tobari...
a topic he can't exactly broach yet. instead, he continues quietly... ]
Is that what they want? Because if I recall correctly, the only thing I wanted from them was to find their own happiness and to pursue their passions? [ ... is he a potential piece of that for him? could he be? ]
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anyway his answer is easy, ]
Sometimes a person's passions often end up being focused on other people. [ platonically yes but also ] And happiness even moreso...
[ he's not shy enough to talk in hypotheticals so he'll speak directly ]
I'm not trying to stress you out, Raf. I'll be fine either way. [ tobari can handle being rejected? the thing that's just a little confusing is that rafayel also doesn't seem to be rejecting him? ] But there's no way I can be happy if you're miserable.
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I'm not miserable. [ but, it clearly comes a bit faster than he intends, and he can't deny that it sounds insincere even to him. maybe because he instinctively knows it may be a lie. his perception of love was always in terms of pain. in some ways, even his art was all about reaching into that part of his soul that hasn't fully begun to heal. his paintings often depicted all his regrets, his shortcomings, his anger... his longing. so he might have been prepared for misery, yeah.
or he thought he was.
but, lately... he does consider that he may have been happier now than he had been in a long time. where companionship didn't feel nearly as burdensome as a concept as it once was to him, and showing his heart was made a bit more... simple. at least, in front of tobari.
it's why he regrets answering him in that way, and he's quick to shake it off. ]
I do think you're special to me. [ kills rafayel for being so confusing ]
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as for his answer... well. it's not like tobari doesn't understand.
if asked if he was depressed, he'd also brush it off. even though he knows that there's a heaviness and listlessness to him here in linkon that didn't exist even over a month ago—back when the district was thriving and everyone who took care of him and he took care of was still alive. his own rate of healing was slow, but it's been made easier when he's put more of his attention on suzune... and now, rafayel. he's not offended by the near defensiveness, if anything it makes sense to him.
like rafayel's answer also makes sense to him. ]
... well, it'd be embarrassing if I misread things to that extent.
[ he does think that their bond stands out. something intimate, even if it's not yet defined as romantic or platonic. ]
But you can take your time. I'm not in a rush.
[ even if he does think he should head to the doctor soon to figure out how true this is... if he's only got a few months left, he might be in a little bit more of a rush? but only for an answer. it'd just be embarrassing to die in the middle of a situationship. talk about dramatic ]
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itβs funny how neither of them are strangers to despondency. though, theyβre both relatively resistant to displaying this part of themselves. just as in the past, perhaps itβs precisely because they could relate to one another, that they both werenβt in any particular rush to pry open one anotherβs old wounds. rafayel doesnβt doubt that tobari may always be plagued with thoughts of home, just as he would never forget lemuriaβ¦
however, recently he has been thinking, hypocritically, like talia had once told him— these places, these emotions, and the people in them would always be important, butβ¦ he would also think itβs nice if tobari could still find a way to move forward and find what brings him joy. to stay rooted here in this city alongside himβ¦
that said, rafayel is still rafayel. ] I donβt know, I can see you being kind of delusional, yeah? [ ehehe itβs not a funny joke but he shakes his head. he knows tobari is smart enough to know what he doesnβt have the courage to put to spoken word. ]
Once weβre both stable, we can talk about it again. I wonβt run or hide, [ well, they live together so itβd be pretty dumb to try. ] so letβs do this again sometime.
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"Stable"... [ is a word he echoes, but he's not sure he fully believes in. rafayel says he won't run but the two of them could be pretty good at avoiding topics if they waned to...
even though there's admittedly the new added layer of this electric unspoken something whenever their hands brush or they stand too close to each other now. so perhaps that will disrupt things enough that it won't be possible to remain here? ]
Mm. [ a soft squeeze of rafayel's hand ] Whenever you want.
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