if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
[ the touch is almost too tender for comfort. there's an intimacy behind in which only they may know the depth of. despite being the type riddled with insecurities about his identity, or even the burdens he carries on his metaphorical shoulders— he feels like tobari provides him a clarity that he genuinely doesn't deserve.
compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ being led like this feels so foreign to him. there were few who entered rafayel's proximity like this, and probably even fewer who can get him to drop his guard like this. but, out of all of them, there is... factually only a single person from that who stayed. ... and it's obvious who that fool is.
tobari chose the venue well. the live music intrigues him and he can't help but find himself humming along. not because he knows the song, but they're composed in perfect enough trajectory that he's basically guessing. filling it in with the gaps of the singer's breaths and the notes they carry all the way to the table. when he sees the chair pulled out for him, he can't help but feel uncharacteristically shy.
stop it.
he stares at tobari as if to silently drive that point in, and yet he doesn't actually end up kicking a fuss. settling into his seat, he reaches out to tobari's face as soon as they sit down. almost like he can't help himself. but, instead of it being a tender touch, he's already patting him on the sides of his cheek. ]
Nice try acting all adult-like in front of me, Mister 21. [ but, he does end up drawing his hands back so he can flip through the menu. decidedly, it's easier than staring into tobari's eyes again. ]
What about you? There's still a lot you haven't tried yet, right?
[ the humming is cute... in the end, tobari is always drawn to places like this. live music, skilled entertainers, delicious food serve to create the perfect atmosphere for a night out. though he rolls his eyes at the tease, pulling his face away from the pat. ]
"Adult-like"... Isn't it better to let experience speak for itself, Mister Innocent?
[ imagine feeling shy over having his chair pulled out for him... tobari can't help but find that endearing, too. in the end, there's the urge to tease rafayel a little bit more but he is trying to give him even just a little bit more room to breathe... ]
Mm, there's a lot more variety here. Though some things are familiar. [ itehari's cuisine defaults were really so japanese... ] I like the atmosphere of this place in general...
[ slow, intimate, classy bordering on sensual... it's nostalgic to him, even if it's really not quite the same as the red light district ]
[ the nickname back gets a small huff back. he’s not accustomed to the callout— mister innocent. he wonders if his aunt or thomas would laugh. but he’s fine if he’s perceived that way just by tobari.
he isn’t scared to see inexperienced in front of him. ] If you keep talking about your experience, you may give me the wrong idea. [ or make him jealous, but he can’t admit that out loud. it felt no different fr a confession, just like now where he can’t help but be envious for the people who can and have seen tobari through this same lens. his relaxed posture, or even how he leans forward just enough to make his heart race.
which is why he should just focus on ordering food. he points it the dishes in which may be more familiar to tobari. maybe it would be like having a date with him on itehari?
same, but different. ] It was a good choice. You look at home, somehow. Maybe you’re adjusting better than you thought.
[ is it the wrong idea or the right idea... they pick out the food from the menu and tobari orders when the waiter comes by to take their orders. he'll order wine to pair with the dishes, but even as the waiter leaves, he's quick to clarify for raf: ] I can finish yours if it starts to feel like too much.
[ just so he doesn't feel pressured to drink....
in the end, tobari's answer covers both sentiments, he thinks. to be experienced, to be at home here... he tilts his head and lets his gaze drift over to the live performer. ]
... I think nightlife is what I know best still, for better or worse. So places like this are more comfortable to me than others. A lot of things stay the same. The workers, the performers, the flowing drinks...
[ the human desire to want and be wanted ]
Though it's different to not feel responsible for it all.
[ tobari says this but if an asshole harassed someone in front of him he'd immediately move to deal with it even though he has no right ]
he's about to say it's a little too late for that, but doesn't manage to get the words out. instead, he swallows them as he eases back into his seat. he listens quietly to tobari's words instead. finding the familiar timbre of his voice a comfort, even as they discuss a topic that no one here would possibly understand...
if you think about it, tobari has been isekai'd twice... ]
Can I take that to mean you like it here...? [ he doesn't dare say the word "better." just as the sea was his home once, no matter how much of a prison it could have felt like, there was something deeper there. inescapable. he's sure itehari will never be removed from tobari in a sense.
regardless, ] No, you don't have to answer that. I'm just glad if you feel a little freer here. It might seem a little aimless at first, but I think you'll find your place. You can find something only you can do here. Something you really want to do.
Oh, but there's no rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.
[ he really has been isekai’d twice and he is so fascinated by new sights even still… though nightlife and bars and clubs will probably always be the most familiar to him
rafayel's words get him to huff though, disbelieving ]
You’ll want me out of your hair eventually. I’m not great at staying still.
[ even trying to get settled over the last few months has made him feel stagnant, even if he’s spent more time fussing over suzune than himself. and she got tired of tobari’s attention especially fast ]
But you’re not wrong I’ll probably pick up something. Even the people around here have been nice, when I was asking around getting things ready for tonight.
[ i like how we can both acknowledge this... very protag of tobari.
though, he does feel for suzune, especially being at the age where you desire more freedom than ever...
his words couldn't be any further than the truth for rafayel. to be frank, tobari felt a lot like warmth and security for him in a world that was anything but. it's why he can't be shaken with nerves thinking about the idea that tobari could venture out, and maybe even grow distant in his search for finding what sparks passion.
not that he would take that from him, but it's a thought in his head. surely everyone was entitled to their invasive, likely untrue thought of the day. he shakes it off by the time he responds, instead touching the rim of the cup of water they're given to start with. ]
I could picture you working here, or anywhere. But, you should try to fix that habit of yours of taking on the world first. I would hate to come visit you and seeing your buried under heaps of work looking like a dried out husk.
[ the way he starts protesting this and saying that he doesn't have a habit like that, but it dies before he really can say much of anything.... tobari actually does have a tendency to try to make things better everywhere he goes, even though the general standard of living in linkon is still better than that of the abyss and the district so he's not immediately distracted every five steps.
but there is, factually, just a strong chance he'll find a place eventually that he wants to direct more of his time and attention to because people need help... ]
... I won't overdo it. [ is this convincing anyone? ] But my circumstances are now exceedingly lucky. I know that's thanks to you.
It's not a bad thing to want to pay it forward, is it?
[ to help people the same way that he's been helped? ]
[ there's a soft hum of comprehension from rafayel, as if to say he understands. as much as he warns tobari, he knows there is little either of them can do against the nature of his desires. or the actual core of his heart and who he is as a person.
it's why he swallows down any real argument against his point. he doesn't think tobari won't overdo it, but he can believe his attempt might be real (albeit, even if completely and utterly unsuccessful— put your bets in now). ]
You really overthink about the strangest things. No matter how many times I tell you to forget it...
[ wait, he doesn't like the word forget. backspace. ]
You've already paid your debt by staying with me. You're... kinda like my prisoner now, right?
[ almost immediately, in disbelief: ] Nicest prison I've ever seen.
[ tobari would've thought it was an upgrade to have running, hot water. being beachside with so many food options available and, while he'd never use it, funds to live comfortably without fear about emergencies? insane. rafayel shops brand names and tobari would still hunt for discounts and coupons like a housewife.
but he frowns in thought... there's something else he feels like he wants to make clear— ]
... I appreciate your understanding for where I'm coming from... but no matter what I end up picking up or doing, it's not going to end up being more important to me than you.
[ and there is a romantic undertone to the words, sure... but he would say it even if he didn't feel that way. rafayel is important. for what he's given tobari, yes, but also because he genuinely cares about him so deeply ]
does he really think that? he isn't sure if that was intended to be a metaphor to their relationship, or meant to be taken literally. though, if it was up for interpretation, he'd like to think it may be a bit of both?
to be honest, even if there may have been subtle cues behind his words, he didn't expect tobari to catch onto his feelings so quickly. while it makes him feel seen in some ways, it's also... a bit troubling. he gives a weak smile in return, before shaking his head. ] I know.
[ ...
or he wants to believe he does. that said, it's all feeling a little too real too fast, and so he can only divert. ] Like I always say, you're like ... addicted to me. [ does he always say this. probably not since he felt like there was something between them.
but, maybe for tonight he also doesn't have to hold back. so he does end up reaching over and brushing some of tobari's hair from his eyes. ]
tobari is pretty sure rafayel has not said this to him before, if only because it sure sounds like it'd make things more complicated. there's a retort on the tip of his tongue, something playful like, 'then you'll have to cut me off if it ever becomes too much' but... ah, that almost sounds a little too real, doesn't it? a little too much of a reminder of the ways that rafayel can still run.
selfishly, tobari doesn't really want that. so instead he'll just close his eyes when the touch comes, enjoying it, before opening them again and giving rafayel a small, private smile ]
Would it be such a bad thing? If I am.
[ in some ways, he already thinks he is. tobari wants to hear rafayel's every thought and impulse, even if they might annoy him. he wants to be able to spend his lazy afternoons just watching him paint, observing an artist truly engrossed in his craft. he wants to hear his laugh every single day of his life, however long that might end up being.
tobari's never sampled any of the drugs that circulate his district himself—but he's so sure that it always starts like this. curiosity followed by incessant greed. ]
[ it's difficult not to zero in on that smile. it carried a relaxed, but extremely intimate sort of vibe that he can't help but to pick up on. he's sure if it was anyone else in front of him, he may not have noticed. but with tobari, it's easy. he half-wonders if he's aware of how he looks when he smiles defenselessly like that...
he's actually not sure if it's his expression or words that throw him off more. ] I... [ rafayel stutters for a second, his cheeks instantly burning with the shame of realizing how he feels for the hundredth time today. a hundred doesn't feel like an exaggeration at all. ]
No, I like it. [ ... and when he says like, maybe he secretly slips his own feelings in there. ] Stay the way you are. Unlike most people, even if you did find yourself drowning... well, I'm a good swimmer.
[ realistically, he knows he can't keep using fixing his hair as an excuse, and so he gradually places his hand back down. though, not before subtly brushing the back of his fingers against tobari's cheek. he didn't always think he was such a shameless person, but... ]
[ the stutter, the blush, and the brief touch to his cheek just get tobari to raise one eyebrow—a silent question with maybe just a little bit of challenge to it. it's difficult when at the same time that he doesn't want to push rafayel into anything too soon, trying to be mindful of his warring feelings, there is also the constant urge to tease him since he wears all his emotions so cutely...
maybe catching tobari's attention was a bad thing, actually? he is so prone to taunting? ]
Ah. I'll count on you then.
[ he'll let rafayel off easily... except for the way that he briefly turns his head just to let his lips brush against rafayel's fingertips, catching them before they fully pull away.
luckily, their food arrives shortly after! two glasses of wine get poured and the bottle left behind for them. tobari will retrieve his own glass and lift it, tilting his head ]
[ yet, the taunts hit their target every single time.
even now, he can't help but take every single one of tobari's gestures as a challenge. as if they punctuated how much of a coward he truly was. or how much he's managed to bury these emotions from their time in purgatory. he knows, and he's sure tobari knows, their shared kiss on the balcony wasn't just a whim on rafayel's part. as much as he fronts and pretends...
maybe he's also been a bit obsessive in his own way.
what else could explain the way he clings to every single of tobari's movements. honestly, he's so close to acting on impulse. his fingers twitch slightly, before their food arrives. so... he awkwardly reaches for the glass of wine tobari pours for them. he clinks the edge against tobari's... ]
What about a toast and a wish? [ he doesn't wait for tobari, before he continues. ]
To new beginnings, and for a certain silly person's happiness.
[ there's only one silly person at this table? he'll clink their glasses together nonetheless, ] To new beginnings and shared happiness.
[ a small alteration on his part, but perhaps some of his own selfish wish embedded in it nonetheless. tobari isn't a hard person to please. perhaps laughably the opposite. at the same time, he is managing his own guilt about being in such a comfortable position after giving up his duty to everyone he'd known before... but by the end, it felt like there was nothing for him in itehari.
at least here, there's suzune. there's rafayel. as long as he can make sure that they're happy and content, then that's enough for him. he'll swallow down that dream with the taste of his wine and then start digging into the food just as another jazz singer takes the stage. ambiance and delicacies. yum. ]
who else would be silly enough to ask a ( lads yume voice ) heterosexual male out on a date. jk...
there's really nothing het about this. when their glasses come together with a satisfying sound, he's quick to drink. even if he was just recovering from his previous buzz, he feels like the alcohol may at least settle his nerves. maybe it'd get rid of the ticklish sensation in his chest.
that may also be the contributing factor to how he swiftly begins eating. in a setting like this, he defaults to a certain rigidity in how he eats. stuffy, immaculate table manner included, and for a moment, he catches himself. this was supposed to be casual, and this isn't a situation in which he had to put on a front, and so he quickly relaxes. he looks back up to tobari, and he gently scoops up a last bite of the scallops neatly on his fork. he holds it out for him to eat. ]
Has anyone told you that you're stubborn?
[ did he really have to include him in his last statement.
yeah, he's been thinking about this the whole time they were eating. ]
[ not the rigidity... tobari notes it, wonders if it's something that he said, but relaxes once rafayel reaches out to try to feed him. without missing a beat, he leans in to eat the scallops off his fork. yum... tobari doesn't have many preferences when it comes to food, but he does appreciate good cuisine. he licks his lips to catch any last traces of sauce before laughing at the question. ]
Ah. [ an affiramtive, acknowledging noise... he's pretty set in his ways ] But you seem to be sticking around regardless.
[ glancing over at the menu that was left behind, ]
[ stop... if you think about it, outside of purgatory, this could be his first real date. you know, as opposed to weirdos who stalk him and want to expose him, but also have a meal with him.
that said, he does also laugh at that. ] You're right. I wonder why that is...
[ they can both pretend to wonder, when it's probably pretty clear.
but, he quickly moves on. ] Should we get ice cream? Isn't there a place that serves hot ice cream nearby?
[ does my shitposting ruin tobari's date. i hope not. ]
[ WHY!!!!!! TOBARI IS THE BEST DATE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!! ]
Isn't it? [ but, he seems to think it's funny at least.
brb, while he's also pulling up a video about it for tobari on his phone. who is the linkon equivalent of tyra banks. we may never actually have the answer to these questions as the yumes aren't asking them.
as they depart from the restaurant, he does offer his thanks to the server and hostess, before they make their way out. ]
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that honesty is almost worse.
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
it's facebook - it's complicated. ]
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he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
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compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
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the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ so rafayel gets to eat more variety... ]
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tobari chose the venue well. the live music intrigues him and he can't help but find himself humming along. not because he knows the song, but they're composed in perfect enough trajectory that he's basically guessing. filling it in with the gaps of the singer's breaths and the notes they carry all the way to the table. when he sees the chair pulled out for him, he can't help but feel uncharacteristically shy.
stop it.
he stares at tobari as if to silently drive that point in, and yet he doesn't actually end up kicking a fuss. settling into his seat, he reaches out to tobari's face as soon as they sit down. almost like he can't help himself. but, instead of it being a tender touch, he's already patting him on the sides of his cheek. ]
Nice try acting all adult-like in front of me, Mister 21. [ but, he does end up drawing his hands back so he can flip through the menu. decidedly, it's easier than staring into tobari's eyes again. ]
What about you? There's still a lot you haven't tried yet, right?
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"Adult-like"... Isn't it better to let experience speak for itself, Mister Innocent?
[ imagine feeling shy over having his chair pulled out for him... tobari can't help but find that endearing, too. in the end, there's the urge to tease rafayel a little bit more but he is trying to give him even just a little bit more room to breathe... ]
Mm, there's a lot more variety here. Though some things are familiar. [ itehari's cuisine defaults were really so japanese... ] I like the atmosphere of this place in general...
[ slow, intimate, classy bordering on sensual... it's nostalgic to him, even if it's really not quite the same as the red light district ]
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he isn’t scared to see inexperienced in front of him. ] If you keep talking about your experience, you may give me the wrong idea. [ or make him jealous, but he can’t admit that out loud. it felt no different fr a confession, just like now where he can’t help but be envious for the people who can and have seen tobari through this same lens. his relaxed posture, or even how he leans forward just enough to make his heart race.
which is why he should just focus on ordering food. he points it the dishes in which may be more familiar to tobari. maybe it would be like having a date with him on itehari?
same, but different. ] It was a good choice. You look at home, somehow. Maybe you’re adjusting better than you thought.
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[ just so he doesn't feel pressured to drink....
in the end, tobari's answer covers both sentiments, he thinks. to be experienced, to be at home here... he tilts his head and lets his gaze drift over to the live performer. ]
... I think nightlife is what I know best still, for better or worse. So places like this are more comfortable to me than others. A lot of things stay the same. The workers, the performers, the flowing drinks...
[ the human desire to want and be wanted ]
Though it's different to not feel responsible for it all.
[ tobari says this but if an asshole harassed someone in front of him he'd immediately move to deal with it even though he has no right ]
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he's about to say it's a little too late for that, but doesn't manage to get the words out. instead, he swallows them as he eases back into his seat. he listens quietly to tobari's words instead. finding the familiar timbre of his voice a comfort, even as they discuss a topic that no one here would possibly understand...
if you think about it, tobari has been isekai'd twice... ]
Can I take that to mean you like it here...? [ he doesn't dare say the word "better." just as the sea was his home once, no matter how much of a prison it could have felt like, there was something deeper there. inescapable. he's sure itehari will never be removed from tobari in a sense.
regardless, ] No, you don't have to answer that. I'm just glad if you feel a little freer here. It might seem a little aimless at first, but I think you'll find your place. You can find something only you can do here. Something you really want to do.
Oh, but there's no rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.
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rafayel's words get him to huff though, disbelieving ]
You’ll want me out of your hair eventually. I’m not great at staying still.
[ even trying to get settled over the last few months has made him feel stagnant, even if he’s spent more time fussing over suzune than himself. and she got tired of tobari’s attention especially fast ]
But you’re not wrong I’ll probably pick up something. Even the people around here have been nice, when I was asking around getting things ready for tonight.
[ help for their deito… ]
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though, he does feel for suzune, especially being at the age where you desire more freedom than ever...
his words couldn't be any further than the truth for rafayel. to be frank, tobari felt a lot like warmth and security for him in a world that was anything but. it's why he can't be shaken with nerves thinking about the idea that tobari could venture out, and maybe even grow distant in his search for finding what sparks passion.
not that he would take that from him, but it's a thought in his head. surely everyone was entitled to their invasive, likely untrue thought of the day. he shakes it off by the time he responds, instead touching the rim of the cup of water they're given to start with. ]
I could picture you working here, or anywhere. But, you should try to fix that habit of yours of taking on the world first. I would hate to come visit you and seeing your buried under heaps of work looking like a dried out husk.
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[ the way he starts protesting this and saying that he doesn't have a habit like that, but it dies before he really can say much of anything.... tobari actually does have a tendency to try to make things better everywhere he goes, even though the general standard of living in linkon is still better than that of the abyss and the district so he's not immediately distracted every five steps.
but there is, factually, just a strong chance he'll find a place eventually that he wants to direct more of his time and attention to because people need help... ]
... I won't overdo it. [ is this convincing anyone? ] But my circumstances are now exceedingly lucky. I know that's thanks to you.
It's not a bad thing to want to pay it forward, is it?
[ to help people the same way that he's been helped? ]
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it's why he swallows down any real argument against his point. he doesn't think tobari won't overdo it, but he can believe his attempt might be real (albeit, even if completely and utterly unsuccessful— put your bets in now). ]
You really overthink about the strangest things. No matter how many times I tell you to forget it...
[ wait, he doesn't like the word forget. backspace. ]
You've already paid your debt by staying with me. You're... kinda like my prisoner now, right?
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[ tobari would've thought it was an upgrade to have running, hot water. being beachside with so many food options available and, while he'd never use it, funds to live comfortably without fear about emergencies? insane. rafayel shops brand names and tobari would still hunt for discounts and coupons like a housewife.
but he frowns in thought... there's something else he feels like he wants to make clear— ]
... I appreciate your understanding for where I'm coming from... but no matter what I end up picking up or doing, it's not going to end up being more important to me than you.
[ and there is a romantic undertone to the words, sure... but he would say it even if he didn't feel that way. rafayel is important. for what he's given tobari, yes, but also because he genuinely cares about him so deeply ]
Just to make that clear.
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his response does get a small laugh from him.
does he really think that? he isn't sure if that was intended to be a metaphor to their relationship, or meant to be taken literally. though, if it was up for interpretation, he'd like to think it may be a bit of both?
to be honest, even if there may have been subtle cues behind his words, he didn't expect tobari to catch onto his feelings so quickly. while it makes him feel seen in some ways, it's also... a bit troubling. he gives a weak smile in return, before shaking his head. ] I know.
[ ...
or he wants to believe he does. that said, it's all feeling a little too real too fast, and so he can only divert. ] Like I always say, you're like ... addicted to me. [ does he always say this. probably not since he felt like there was something between them.
but, maybe for tonight he also doesn't have to hold back. so he does end up reaching over and brushing some of tobari's hair from his eyes. ]
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tobari is pretty sure rafayel has not said this to him before, if only because it sure sounds like it'd make things more complicated. there's a retort on the tip of his tongue, something playful like, 'then you'll have to cut me off if it ever becomes too much' but... ah, that almost sounds a little too real, doesn't it? a little too much of a reminder of the ways that rafayel can still run.
selfishly, tobari doesn't really want that. so instead he'll just close his eyes when the touch comes, enjoying it, before opening them again and giving rafayel a small, private smile ]
Would it be such a bad thing? If I am.
[ in some ways, he already thinks he is. tobari wants to hear rafayel's every thought and impulse, even if they might annoy him. he wants to be able to spend his lazy afternoons just watching him paint, observing an artist truly engrossed in his craft. he wants to hear his laugh every single day of his life, however long that might end up being.
tobari's never sampled any of the drugs that circulate his district himself—but he's so sure that it always starts like this. curiosity followed by incessant greed. ]
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he's actually not sure if it's his expression or words that throw him off more. ] I... [ rafayel stutters for a second, his cheeks instantly burning with the shame of realizing how he feels for the hundredth time today. a hundred doesn't feel like an exaggeration at all. ]
No, I like it. [ ... and when he says like, maybe he secretly slips his own feelings in there. ] Stay the way you are. Unlike most people, even if you did find yourself drowning... well, I'm a good swimmer.
[ realistically, he knows he can't keep using fixing his hair as an excuse, and so he gradually places his hand back down. though, not before subtly brushing the back of his fingers against tobari's cheek. he didn't always think he was such a shameless person, but... ]
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maybe catching tobari's attention was a bad thing, actually? he is so prone to taunting? ]
Ah. I'll count on you then.
[ he'll let rafayel off easily... except for the way that he briefly turns his head just to let his lips brush against rafayel's fingertips, catching them before they fully pull away.
luckily, their food arrives shortly after! two glasses of wine get poured and the bottle left behind for them. tobari will retrieve his own glass and lift it, tilting his head ]
Should we have a toast?
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even now, he can't help but take every single one of tobari's gestures as a challenge. as if they punctuated how much of a coward he truly was. or how much he's managed to bury these emotions from their time in purgatory. he knows, and he's sure tobari knows, their shared kiss on the balcony wasn't just a whim on rafayel's part. as much as he fronts and pretends...
maybe he's also been a bit obsessive in his own way.
what else could explain the way he clings to every single of tobari's movements. honestly, he's so close to acting on impulse. his fingers twitch slightly, before their food arrives. so... he awkwardly reaches for the glass of wine tobari pours for them. he clinks the edge against tobari's... ]
What about a toast and a wish? [ he doesn't wait for tobari, before he continues. ]
To new beginnings, and for a certain silly person's happiness.
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[ there's only one silly person at this table? he'll clink their glasses together nonetheless, ] To new beginnings and shared happiness.
[ a small alteration on his part, but perhaps some of his own selfish wish embedded in it nonetheless. tobari isn't a hard person to please. perhaps laughably the opposite. at the same time, he is managing his own guilt about being in such a comfortable position after giving up his duty to everyone he'd known before... but by the end, it felt like there was nothing for him in itehari.
at least here, there's suzune. there's rafayel. as long as he can make sure that they're happy and content, then that's enough for him. he'll swallow down that dream with the taste of his wine and then start digging into the food just as another jazz singer takes the stage. ambiance and delicacies. yum. ]
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who else would be silly enough to ask a ( lads yume voice ) heterosexual male out on a date. jk...
there's really nothing het about this. when their glasses come together with a satisfying sound, he's quick to drink. even if he was just recovering from his previous buzz, he feels like the alcohol may at least settle his nerves. maybe it'd get rid of the ticklish sensation in his chest.
that may also be the contributing factor to how he swiftly begins eating. in a setting like this, he defaults to a certain rigidity in how he eats. stuffy, immaculate table manner included, and for a moment, he catches himself. this was supposed to be casual, and this isn't a situation in which he had to put on a front, and so he quickly relaxes. he looks back up to tobari, and he gently scoops up a last bite of the scallops neatly on his fork. he holds it out for him to eat. ]
Has anyone told you that you're stubborn?
[ did he really have to include him in his last statement.
yeah, he's been thinking about this the whole time they were eating. ]
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Ah. [ an affiramtive, acknowledging noise... he's pretty set in his ways ] But you seem to be sticking around regardless.
[ glancing over at the menu that was left behind, ]
Dessert here or wanna find somewhere else?
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that said, he does also laugh at that. ] You're right. I wonder why that is...
[ they can both pretend to wonder, when it's probably pretty clear.
but, he quickly moves on. ] Should we get ice cream? Isn't there a place that serves hot ice cream nearby?
[ does my shitposting ruin tobari's date. i hope not. ]
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also not the hot ice cream ]
... the surface is so strange sometimes...
[ a little dubious, but shrugging. he'll catch the attention of their server and pay before they leave. ]
Sure. It's probably getting colder outside anyway...?
[ is this not just... hot chocolate...? ]
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Isn't it? [ but, he seems to think it's funny at least.
brb, while he's also pulling up a video about it for tobari on his phone. who is the linkon equivalent of tyra banks. we may never actually have the answer to these questions as the yumes aren't asking them.
as they depart from the restaurant, he does offer his thanks to the server and hostess, before they make their way out. ]
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