[ he doesn't doubt that tobari may have already connected some of the dots. at the very least, he's sure he's surmised that he isn't here with good intentions, but he also gets the feeling like tobari isn't likely to presume it's nearly as extreme as it is.
little does he know that they're not so different.
somehow, this situation reminds him to the smell of smoke that lingered on tobari's body the other day. an almost chemical smell, like he was lingering by a large open flame that continued to swallow whatever was in its path. but, he also pockets that for later, like he has been for the past month. ]
... Thanks. [ it was too late to turn back now. tobari would find out tomorrow.
... and then what? he isn't sure.
he plays with tobari's hand in his, squeezing his fingers gently. as they approach the shore that's lined with some cafes, he is already tilting his head as if to ask if he wanted to walk closer to the sand. ] I also trust you.
[ to follow him. at least up until tomorrow night.
but the way he says it might sound like he's saying goodbye. he doesn't seem to catch that, though. ]
[ tobari does want to walk closer to the sand—though he's pausing first at rafayel's response.
he's decided that he doesn't like it.
so with his free hand, he'll catch rafayel's face again and pull him down closer to tobari. ]
And you'll stay with me.
You missed that part.
[ they can trust each other and tobari is sure that's important. however, he also has decided he wants and needs to hear this from rafayel. so his gaze is expectant, waiting for those words. every now and then, tobari does get so decisive and bossy... but he thinks that in this moment, it makes sense to request these things of his lover.
rafayel went through all the trouble of romancing tobari in the first place, so it's important that he takes responsibility for the repercussions. ]
You're not allowed to let go of me so easily... so say it, and mean it.
[ can you imagine asking to be cagefished but that's technically what's happening here ]
[ his eyes widen just momentarily, before he swiftly gains control over his expression. he wonders if he was that obvious... maybe tobari really does know him best. the thought does get a small exhale out of him, one that's laced with more affection than he knows what to do with.
his gaze easily settles on tobari, almost like it was second nature to him. though, considering he's not given much of a choice... ] As long as you want it, I'll never leave you. [ his cheek leans into the touch, his eyes still focused entirely on tobari's.
he means it. he wants to mean it.
it's true that all lemurians eventually return to sea, but... he'd like to think it's not anytime soon. he has a lifetime to spend with his lover, after all. ... at least, that's what he wants. ] Rafayel will always stay with Tobari. [ his hand reaches to cup the back of tobari's.
he's being so pushy, and yet... why does he like every second of it? ]
[ and he is satisfied to hear that. like something tense in his own ribcage easing, even if he still feels like he's waiting until the moment he can stop holding his breath. what is rafayel hiding from him? he'll have to trust that he'll find out in time. probably tomorrow.
he's bold enough to believe that whatever it is wouldn't be enough to shake his faith.
he keeps his hand against rafayel's face, letting his thumb brush against the gentle curve of his cheekbone as if to memorize every inch of him. though if they're staying together, then won't he have all the time in the world to do that?
... well, tobari knows better than most that there's almost nothing truly guaranteed in this world. nonetheless, he believes in this. he will always believe in this—in them. ]
Then you're stuck with me. If you end up having any regrets or doubts, I'll handle them.
[ that's the least that he can do as rafayel's lover, right? he'll close the distance between them then with a soft, lingering kiss—almost like sealing a promise ]
[ it really is a bold belief when combated against the fact that tobari was oddly tender-hearted. he was kind and endlessly forgiving at his core, and while rafayel doesn't know the extent of this in the context of his crimes— he does know enough to determine that tobari was genuinely a good person.
too good for him, he thinks.
however, he'd like to think as much as justice is created with ones own hands, that maybe, people didn't always necessarily get what they deserved. how else could he explain the fact that his face is being touched so gently by such indulgent hands. he closes his eyes, savoring the way his lover's fingers travel over his features. ]
How could I... [ even if tobari had rejected him so completely... even if he started to perceive him as a monster... he could never regret this.
the kiss is so soft and gentle that is almost feels like an illusion. maybe that's why he leans in, refusing to break it immediately. he tilts his head just slightly, planting just one more clumsy kiss on the corner of his mouth. ]
Even if you didn't do any of that, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Don't distance yourself from me. No matter who I become, don't leave.
[ there is an irony in the fact that rafayel is already rich and that is, by default, what tobari always hates most. can he really be all that kind when he assumes every rich person is greedy, selfish, and ignorant by default? there are still echoes of it in their relationship—tobari's inherent rankling against all things that reek of wealth. he doesn't ask about rafayel's purchases, remains willfully unaware of price tags, and puts money out of his mind whenever possible.
rafayel's already proven him wrong and won against tobari's most ingrained and stubborn biases, so how could he become something so awful that it'd make tobari leave?
tobari fell for rafayel for countless other reasons. his kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness—how he could find moments to play and make life seem lighter even on the days where tobari felt himself frustrated by everything else. the idea of not having him is what prompts tobari to hold rafayel all the closer, frustrated by even the notion of such a future. ]
... I can't tell what's going through your head to make you worried about something like that. But it just makes me want you that much nearer to me.
[ they're still outside—so tobari doesn't answer that second clumsy kiss as passionately as he wants, but he does give rafayel a third one anyway, more insistent. ]
[ funny enough, tobari is still probably right 9/10 times. it's true it's not every rich person, but they were often at the scene of the crime. money often equated to power, riches to ego, and both were frequently a recipe for disaster. with those who enter that top percentile, he's sure common luxury goods no longer served to satiate them.
... and so, they shoot for something rarer. things more intangible, like promises of everlasting life and eternal youth.
tobari was so much the opposite of what he's heard of humans and the surface world. he wonders if there's a single person out there, who wouldn't have been hopelessly attracted to this part of him? while they've had a bit of a rough start, it didn't change how intensely he felt for him. if anything, he may have liked that part of tobari even more. it felt a lot more honest than most interactions he's had with anyone. he liked being challenged and kept on his toes. but, it would also be a lie to say he didn't enjoy the time they've spent where their feelings were mutual either (he's not that much of an m, though he is a certified yearner).
it isn't the first time tobari has held him this close, but it feels different tonight than it normally does. ]
... You act like I'm going to go away. [ he says this like this isn't his fault. but, he secretly delights in this rare show of desperation from tobari. rafayel brushes his fingers through tobari's hair, and gives a small nod. ]
Okay. I won't go anywhere. And even if you change your mind, I'll chase you to the ends of the earth.
[ tobari shoots rafayel a slightly withering look, a sentiment of 'whose fault is that'.... all these ominous sentiments of what he might become, or accepting him no matter what... but at the very least, tobari doesn't feel particularly daunted. no, he's painfully stubborn and even more than that—devastatingly loyal. there's not much from rafayel that he couldn't accept, he thinks.
even if it came at a large personal cost to himself, it's hard for him to think of a version of events where he doesn't love him, or doesn't want him to stay right where he is. ]
... mm. [ a soft, accepting sound. ] It won't come to that, but... alright.
[ he presses one more kiss to rafayel's cheek, tilting his head as he still tries to puzzle out what he's feeling... like he's having trouble accepting that he has to wait a little longer still. patience isn't always one of his strong suits when it comes to the people he cares about but... ]
The tour can continue now. Maybe with less dramatics.
[ HELP... rafayel pretends not to notice that look.
tobari is so confident, that it's kind of hard not to want to believe in him at the very least. he's probably been oscillating between these extremes for the past week, and he isn't surprised it's all caught up to him here. ]
... Hey, you also contributed. I'd say it was at least a 51-49 split.
[ group effort. when tobari gives him that look, he can't help but to pinch his cheek.
but, he is walking tobari closer to the grassy hills leading towards the sand. the grassy hills are full of flowers, and so rafayel treads carefully as he leads him through. ]
[ not the cheek pinch... he scowls reflexively and pulls his face away. stop. this is not a second thread where he bites rafayel's hand but please know that he thinks about it...
tobari follows after anyway though, opting to hold onto rafayel's hand this time, and gets distracted fairly quickly by the flowers... he's not sure he can make out all the details in the evening, but he peers over to get a closer look anyway ]
... are there any other big changes to this place from when you were younger? Besides the eyesore.
rafayel chuckles just a little at tobari pulling away like that. cheek pulling and head pats... tobari's two enemies, and yet rafayel still tries his luck. but, it's hard when he finds everything about his reactions so loveable.
when tobari tries to get a closer look, rafayel does let go of him. he watches him for a moment, before: ] Yeah, it's easier to see when it's light out, but the ocean was more vivid green-blue back then. You could see more fish just skimming around the surface, so the seagulls were also always circling around looking for a bite to eat. ... Though, maybe it is a bit quieter without them?
[ except, as he says this one does fly over their heads, perching nearby. ]
[ tobari looks up over at the seagull, tilting his head curiously, before he lets his gaze drift from the flowers over to the sea. it's true that it was hard to make out it's real color against the night sky, but it makes him think about how it's dulled... there are so many things that human touch that seem to lose their luster. ]
... makes sense that you and the other Lemurians would be mad at us. [ thoughtfully. there's so much trash in the sea that they just didn't ask for ] People don't really know how to take care of what they're lucky to behold.
[ he'll at least include himself in that even though he tries to be careful... inherently part of the problem by being human.
he just doesn't like the idea of silence coming from... a lack of life. that's different from peace. ]
[ he looks at tobari thoughtfully, before shaking his head. ]
Don't worry. According to most elders, they weren't a fan to start with so.
[ lol, that probably doesn't make it better, but it doesn't make it worse at least. ] But, I think you're right. It's easy for people to lose sight of the beauty of things right in front of them. The more constant something is, the easier it is take it for granted. So I think it's important to be able to take it slow like this. [ but, he does look back to the seagull. he gives a shrug in its direction as if to say he doesn't have any food.
[ it's the contrast that exists within tobari—someone who inherently doesn't trust people or have any faith in most of humanity, but also can't bring himself to abandon strangers or ignore people in need. he's not an optimist, but he's not a true cynic either. ]
... but that's true. People sometimes get too used to the status quo. They don't consider what life is like for people without certain luxuries, or they could suddenly become that person who never sees the ocean again...
[ but rafayel has probably heard him talk about this plenty during all his grumbling and mumbling about everything wrong with the world... he returns to his side anyway, taking his hand again. ]
... I still like it here. [ if he's being honest. ] Even if I wish I could've seen it as you knew it, too.
[ it may not be the first time he's heard tobari speak similarly on the topic, but it's an easy point to agree with each time. besides, the meaning feels a little deeper because tobari is human. but, he likes the part of him that never makes excuses, and he can tell it comes from a place of genuine appreciation for the natural world. ]
You're right. We live in a world that's sometimes colder than even the deepest depths of the ocean. [ ... he does give a small huff though. ] But, thanks for saying that you still like it.
If there is one thing that's better than before... [ as tobari returns to him, he also holds his hand tightly.
he then leans down and picks up a stray flower kicked up from the wind, and tucks it gently behind tobari's ear. ]
[ it's mystifying to him sometimes—but he knows rafayel is right. there is so much about the world that feels so broken. how could they manage to be more cruel and desolate than even the darkest pits of the ocean where it's all survival of the fittest and instinct?
though he's interrupted from those thoughts when there's a flower tucked behind his ear, and he just huffs out a breath of disbelief. ]
I'm not really sure that suits me...
[ he's not such a gentle person that he should get to be decorated with flowers, he thinks. but he accepts it, the same way he accepts anything and everything from rafayel. even this flower will get pressed in the pages of a book when they get home to preserve and keep. ]
But if I can add anything to make life easier for you, I'm glad.
It's pretty. [ he'd argue it suits tobari perfectly. the dab of pastel against tobari's otherwise high contrasting colors of red and black— it was captivating in its own way. even if by his next words, he does take on a more playful stance. ]
Easy... [ he smiles at that. ] I didn't say that.
[ he's half-kidding, but it's true that he'd like to think while it is easy to be together, there was, inevitably, the harder moments too. that wasn't to state that tobari himself gave him a hard time, but... listen, introducing tobari to vacations and work-life balance is no simple task. ]
You really don't think you're difficult, like ever?
[ there's a reason tobari's house keys are the one with the pufferfish on them...
but, that said, he likes even that about tobari. he'd like to think he's the only one who can handle him. though, in reality, rafayel is wrong because tobari is perfect. ]
[ he wonders if tobari holds back because of all that remains unsaid, or if it really was just him being indulgent per usual. it's hard to discern, but he supposed the emotions and care behind them doesn't really change either way.
so he easily falls back into step with tobari. ]
Silly. [ he wants to say he'll also be on best behavior, but that seemed ridiculous knowing what he has planned for tomorrow. ] I'll also be good for tonight. You'll get the full service, which also includes getting tucked in and one goodnight kiss.
rafayel opens his mouth, but ends up closing it. he swallows down his initial reaction of wanting to fold immediately, and instead adopts a fake show of nonchalance. ] Just one. [ he repeats with a bit more finality. ]
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little does he know that they're not so different.
somehow, this situation reminds him to the smell of smoke that lingered on tobari's body the other day. an almost chemical smell, like he was lingering by a large open flame that continued to swallow whatever was in its path. but, he also pockets that for later, like he has been for the past month. ]
... Thanks. [ it was too late to turn back now. tobari would find out tomorrow.
... and then what? he isn't sure.
he plays with tobari's hand in his, squeezing his fingers gently. as they approach the shore that's lined with some cafes, he is already tilting his head as if to ask if he wanted to walk closer to the sand. ] I also trust you.
[ to follow him. at least up until tomorrow night.
but the way he says it might sound like he's saying goodbye. he doesn't seem to catch that, though. ]
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he's decided that he doesn't like it.
so with his free hand, he'll catch rafayel's face again and pull him down closer to tobari. ]
And you'll stay with me.
You missed that part.
[ they can trust each other and tobari is sure that's important. however, he also has decided he wants and needs to hear this from rafayel. so his gaze is expectant, waiting for those words. every now and then, tobari does get so decisive and bossy... but he thinks that in this moment, it makes sense to request these things of his lover.
rafayel went through all the trouble of romancing tobari in the first place, so it's important that he takes responsibility for the repercussions. ]
You're not allowed to let go of me so easily... so say it, and mean it.
[ can you imagine asking to be cagefished but that's technically what's happening here ]
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his gaze easily settles on tobari, almost like it was second nature to him. though, considering he's not given much of a choice... ] As long as you want it, I'll never leave you. [ his cheek leans into the touch, his eyes still focused entirely on tobari's.
he means it. he wants to mean it.
it's true that all lemurians eventually return to sea, but... he'd like to think it's not anytime soon. he has a lifetime to spend with his lover, after all. ... at least, that's what he wants. ] Rafayel will always stay with Tobari. [ his hand reaches to cup the back of tobari's.
he's being so pushy, and yet... why does he like every second of it? ]
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[ and he is satisfied to hear that. like something tense in his own ribcage easing, even if he still feels like he's waiting until the moment he can stop holding his breath. what is rafayel hiding from him? he'll have to trust that he'll find out in time. probably tomorrow.
he's bold enough to believe that whatever it is wouldn't be enough to shake his faith.
he keeps his hand against rafayel's face, letting his thumb brush against the gentle curve of his cheekbone as if to memorize every inch of him. though if they're staying together, then won't he have all the time in the world to do that?
... well, tobari knows better than most that there's almost nothing truly guaranteed in this world. nonetheless, he believes in this. he will always believe in this—in them. ]
Then you're stuck with me. If you end up having any regrets or doubts, I'll handle them.
[ that's the least that he can do as rafayel's lover, right? he'll close the distance between them then with a soft, lingering kiss—almost like sealing a promise ]
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too good for him, he thinks.
however, he'd like to think as much as justice is created with ones own hands, that maybe, people didn't always necessarily get what they deserved. how else could he explain the fact that his face is being touched so gently by such indulgent hands. he closes his eyes, savoring the way his lover's fingers travel over his features. ]
How could I... [ even if tobari had rejected him so completely... even if he started to perceive him as a monster... he could never regret this.
the kiss is so soft and gentle that is almost feels like an illusion. maybe that's why he leans in, refusing to break it immediately. he tilts his head just slightly, planting just one more clumsy kiss on the corner of his mouth. ]
Even if you didn't do any of that, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Don't distance yourself from me. No matter who I become, don't leave.
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rafayel's already proven him wrong and won against tobari's most ingrained and stubborn biases, so how could he become something so awful that it'd make tobari leave?
tobari fell for rafayel for countless other reasons. his kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness—how he could find moments to play and make life seem lighter even on the days where tobari felt himself frustrated by everything else. the idea of not having him is what prompts tobari to hold rafayel all the closer, frustrated by even the notion of such a future. ]
... I can't tell what's going through your head to make you worried about something like that. But it just makes me want you that much nearer to me.
[ they're still outside—so tobari doesn't answer that second clumsy kiss as passionately as he wants, but he does give rafayel a third one anyway, more insistent. ]
I'm not going anywhere, Raf. Neither are you.
[ decides that for him ]
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... and so, they shoot for something rarer. things more intangible, like promises of everlasting life and eternal youth.
tobari was so much the opposite of what he's heard of humans and the surface world. he wonders if there's a single person out there, who wouldn't have been hopelessly attracted to this part of him? while they've had a bit of a rough start, it didn't change how intensely he felt for him. if anything, he may have liked that part of tobari even more. it felt a lot more honest than most interactions he's had with anyone. he liked being challenged and kept on his toes. but, it would also be a lie to say he didn't enjoy the time they've spent where their feelings were mutual either (he's not that much of an m, though he is a certified yearner).
it isn't the first time tobari has held him this close, but it feels different tonight than it normally does. ]
... You act like I'm going to go away. [ he says this like this isn't his fault. but, he secretly delights in this rare show of desperation from tobari. rafayel brushes his fingers through tobari's hair, and gives a small nod. ]
Okay. I won't go anywhere. And even if you change your mind, I'll chase you to the ends of the earth.
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even if it came at a large personal cost to himself, it's hard for him to think of a version of events where he doesn't love him, or doesn't want him to stay right where he is. ]
... mm. [ a soft, accepting sound. ] It won't come to that, but... alright.
[ he presses one more kiss to rafayel's cheek, tilting his head as he still tries to puzzle out what he's feeling... like he's having trouble accepting that he has to wait a little longer still. patience isn't always one of his strong suits when it comes to the people he cares about but... ]
The tour can continue now. Maybe with less dramatics.
[ unlikely, given who's involved ]
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tobari is so confident, that it's kind of hard not to want to believe in him at the very least. he's probably been oscillating between these extremes for the past week, and he isn't surprised it's all caught up to him here. ]
... Hey, you also contributed. I'd say it was at least a 51-49 split.
[ group effort. when tobari gives him that look, he can't help but to pinch his cheek.
but, he is walking tobari closer to the grassy hills leading towards the sand. the grassy hills are full of flowers, and so rafayel treads carefully as he leads him through. ]
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tobari follows after anyway though, opting to hold onto rafayel's hand this time, and gets distracted fairly quickly by the flowers... he's not sure he can make out all the details in the evening, but he peers over to get a closer look anyway ]
... are there any other big changes to this place from when you were younger? Besides the eyesore.
[ the winery... ]
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rafayel chuckles just a little at tobari pulling away like that. cheek pulling and head pats... tobari's two enemies, and yet rafayel still tries his luck. but, it's hard when he finds everything about his reactions so loveable.
when tobari tries to get a closer look, rafayel does let go of him. he watches him for a moment, before: ] Yeah, it's easier to see when it's light out, but the ocean was more vivid green-blue back then. You could see more fish just skimming around the surface, so the seagulls were also always circling around looking for a bite to eat. ... Though, maybe it is a bit quieter without them?
[ except, as he says this one does fly over their heads, perching nearby. ]
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[ tobari looks up over at the seagull, tilting his head curiously, before he lets his gaze drift from the flowers over to the sea. it's true that it was hard to make out it's real color against the night sky, but it makes him think about how it's dulled... there are so many things that human touch that seem to lose their luster. ]
... makes sense that you and the other Lemurians would be mad at us. [ thoughtfully. there's so much trash in the sea that they just didn't ask for ] People don't really know how to take care of what they're lucky to behold.
[ he'll at least include himself in that even though he tries to be careful... inherently part of the problem by being human.
he just doesn't like the idea of silence coming from... a lack of life. that's different from peace. ]
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Don't worry. According to most elders, they weren't a fan to start with so.
[ lol, that probably doesn't make it better, but it doesn't make it worse at least. ] But, I think you're right. It's easy for people to lose sight of the beauty of things right in front of them. The more constant something is, the easier it is take it for granted. So I think it's important to be able to take it slow like this. [ but, he does look back to the seagull. he gives a shrug in its direction as if to say he doesn't have any food.
some things don't change, maybe. ]
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Yeah, well, not wrong for that.
[ it's the contrast that exists within tobari—someone who inherently doesn't trust people or have any faith in most of humanity, but also can't bring himself to abandon strangers or ignore people in need. he's not an optimist, but he's not a true cynic either. ]
... but that's true. People sometimes get too used to the status quo. They don't consider what life is like for people without certain luxuries, or they could suddenly become that person who never sees the ocean again...
[ but rafayel has probably heard him talk about this plenty during all his grumbling and mumbling about everything wrong with the world... he returns to his side anyway, taking his hand again. ]
... I still like it here. [ if he's being honest. ] Even if I wish I could've seen it as you knew it, too.
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You're right. We live in a world that's sometimes colder than even the deepest depths of the ocean. [ ... he does give a small huff though. ] But, thanks for saying that you still like it.
If there is one thing that's better than before... [ as tobari returns to him, he also holds his hand tightly.
he then leans down and picks up a stray flower kicked up from the wind, and tucks it gently behind tobari's ear. ]
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though he's interrupted from those thoughts when there's a flower tucked behind his ear, and he just huffs out a breath of disbelief. ]
I'm not really sure that suits me...
[ he's not such a gentle person that he should get to be decorated with flowers, he thinks. but he accepts it, the same way he accepts anything and everything from rafayel. even this flower will get pressed in the pages of a book when they get home to preserve and keep. ]
But if I can add anything to make life easier for you, I'm glad.
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It's pretty. [ he'd argue it suits tobari perfectly. the dab of pastel against tobari's otherwise high contrasting colors of red and black— it was captivating in its own way. even if by his next words, he does take on a more playful stance. ]
Easy... [ he smiles at that. ] I didn't say that.
[ he's half-kidding, but it's true that he'd like to think while it is easy to be together, there was, inevitably, the harder moments too. that wasn't to state that tobari himself gave him a hard time, but... listen, introducing tobari to vacations and work-life balance is no simple task. ]
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Shouldn't that be my line...
[ SURELY HE CAN'T BE THAT DIFFICULT... NOT COMPARED TO THIS BRAT.... (he is very difficult) ]
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[ there's a reason tobari's house keys are the one with the pufferfish on them...
but, that said, he likes even that about tobari. he'd like to think he's the only one who can handle him. though, in reality, rafayel is wrong because tobari is perfect. ]
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β¦ hm.
[ well. ]
But in comparisonβ¦
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but, before tobari can say anything else, rafayel puts a finger to his lips. ]
Shhh, swallow it. [ there's an easygoing smile. ] You weren't going to use this time to complain about me, were you?
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β¦ youβve been kind of a pain.
But thatβs the usualβ¦ So I guess Iβll hold back today.
[ so maybe he can still spoil rafayel⦠]
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so he easily falls back into step with tobari. ]
Silly. [ he wants to say he'll also be on best behavior, but that seemed ridiculous knowing what he has planned for tomorrow. ] I'll also be good for tonight. You'll get the full service, which also includes getting tucked in and one goodnight kiss.
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it is mostly because heβs being indulgent as usualβ¦ but he tilts his head, mildly confused. ]
Just one?
[ are they not on vacation? do they not have all the time in the world? ]
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rafayel opens his mouth, but ends up closing it. he swallows down his initial reaction of wanting to fold immediately, and instead adopts a fake show of nonchalance. ] Just one. [ he repeats with a bit more finality. ]
We have to get you to bed early.
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