except, maybe fiction in this case is more frightening than reality, because the cat dance could be perceived as worse? at any rate, he can't help but feel a little anxious at tobari's words.
"that's up to you."
he never thought there'd be a day where that shred of what could be perceived as freedom felt so much... heavier than anything else. he's sure this is tobari's way of saying that he could dictate the pace and intensity of their relationship, but the answer still isn't entirely obvious to him. in the end, it's a decision he defers for now, instead putting his lips to the brim of the cup as he drinks down the last of their drink. ] You really know what I want.
[ the drink, he means.
but, he guesses that could be misleading. kind of like how he's already pressing his shoulder up against tobari's. he is feeling a little buzzed now, admittedly. though... if he's being honest, he also just wants to be closer to tobari. even if he feels like he may change his mind as soon as tomorrow. ]
it's funny because tobari doesn't know what rafayel wants at all. realistically, he's pretty sure he wants to be with that woman—but tobari has spent his time watching to see if the feeling was mutual. it's always been his opinion that if you're not wanted back, you should move on.
which is what led them here—because tobari can survive rafayel wanting someone else so long as he wants tobari too... but does he? or is this just for fun? is it just a result of tobari knowing a little too well how to be a good date and how to keep someone occupied? maybe it's his fault for muddling things between that line of love and lust—
maybe they really will be heterosexual housemates. or maybe tobari will be the one who has to move on... but the night is still young and they'll have forever to talk about that, won't they? so he puts it off too. in the end, he's just selfish enough to want to enjoy this even if some part of him is wondering if one night is all he's gonna get.
so he takes rafayel's weight when he comes in closer, laughing faintly as his fingers comes up to gently brush against his cheek. he'll let go of rafayel's hand, but only so that he can instead steady him with gentle pressure at the small of his back ]
You really can't hold your liquor, huh? I'll have to cut you off here.
Come on. Let's get some actual dinner.
[ and then he'll guide raf out of the barcade.... they can bring their octopus plush son with them. tobari will pick up the other toys tomorrow to bring them home ]
[ if only rafayel could adopt a similar philosophy...
for as simple as the solutions to life's most difficult problems tended to be, rafayel was prone to overthinking. even now, his brain is in a constant state of overdrive. he can't help but to read into every single one of tobari's words. or even his touch, like now. when he feels his hand against his back, he can already feel his body heating up, and he feels a bit like he did back in purgatory in that hotel lobby.
except... this time, he isn't under some curse.
he clears his throat a little, as if to feign retaining some sort of control over himself. ] Excuse you, I hold it just fine. You just happen to gulp it down like you're a fish. That's not my fault. [ but, he does allow himself to be lead out, even if he does hold the octopus a little higher as if to block his face. ]
[ blocking his face is... so cute. rafayel is... so cute. tobari at least doesn't comment actively on it, instead guiding rafayel out and making sure no one's close enough to bump into him on th eway like he's done this a million times before. the air is already starting to cool down with the evening and the setting sun by the time they get outside, and tobari walks them both down the street to their next destination. ]
Ah, they'd always goad me into drinking with them at the district, even if I was working. Worked to build my tolerance fast, if nothing else.
[ but it's still endearing that just this much was enough to get raf tipsy... ]
Well, don't get too caught up on your weird dare. You still have two more scrolls to cash in if you want to.
[ a secret and a question... he'll try to help with a topic change even if he's not sure what's got rafayel embarrassed this time... ]
Aren't you too young to be that experienced in drinking? [ he says as he gradually draws the plushie a little lower. still, he feels the way tobari gently steers him through the crowd, and even when he's a little buzzed, he isn't afraid of following his lead.
that said, it's hard for rafayel not to feel like itehari was a place that didn't agree with his own sensibilities. making tobari drink like that at a young age on top of all his other hardships... suzune's too. it just didn't sit well with him. ... and yet, he knows how precious of a place it was to tobari. so he swallows those thoughts. ]
In the abyss and in the district, you grow up fast.
[ but! that's not as fun to talk about. tobari is overly familiar with too many things that others would find upsetting or perhaps too mature, but that's all he's ever known. they live fast and die young, and it's hard to say they even do it well.
so he instead allows himself to just go with the topic change: ]
Ah. Go ahead.
[ he has no idea what raf might want to ask him at all ]
[ he can tell it's probably not a topic tobari wants to delve into. at least, not in the middle of a date.
... which, is still a strange concept for him to swallow, and yet when they walk together like this, it doesn't feel unnatural in the slightest.
maybe that's why he ends up asking the question he does. ]
Do you think we could always be like this...? [ it's not exactly the question he's actually thinking of at all, and yet they're the words that flow into him at the moment. he wonders if tobari could picture them together like this? would they have a different relationship in time?
he can't help but wonder if tobari really wants him, or if this may just be a fleeting passion for the one person who just couldn't let him go. ]
tobari tilts head, not bothering to hide his confusion. ]
Yeah?
[ said like… duh?
though that sounds more dismissive than he intended… but that must mean his sentiments haven’t come through clearly enough, huh? ]
I guess I haven’t been direct enough if you’re still asking. That’s my bad. [ so might as well make it clearer? they stop at a street corner, waiting for the walk signal, and tobari moves his hand from rafayel’s back to instead reach for his hand instead. he brings it up so that he can brush a kiss against the back of his knuckles. light but undeniable. ] I think we could be. I think it’d be easy. Easier than I ever expected.
[ to choose rafayel. to be with him and to let more of his attention be centered on one person’s happiness than all the world’s benefit. ]
admittedly, he is slightly intoxicated, and it probably shows in the almost languid way he tilts his head. but, before he struggles to ask for clarification, tobari ends up beating him to the punch. the kiss on the back of his hand isn't necessarily sudden, but it stops his heart in a similar way. he isn't sure if it's just shock though that gets his heart rate rising.
he's trying not to show his embarrassment, or the fact that he feels... both touched, and a little sorry. he falls silent, before he turns his head away, trying his best not to make eye contact. to be honest, he feels like it'd be over if he did.
but, contrary to the way he might have been setting himself up to keep their relationship ambiguous, he does end up squeezing down on tobari's fingers. he slides his palm over tobari's and gives it a final squeeze before drawing away. in this moment he's thankful to the alcohol in which he can blame his flushed cheeks on. ]
You're strangely optimistic about this. [ ... ]
If that was soooo obvious, can I ask you another? [ he doesn't wait for a response. ] Do you believe in a second love?
I don't know if I'd call it optimism. I don't actually expect you to say yes. I was just answering your question.
[ if he's being honest? and tobari is prone to honesty, at least when it comes to matters like this. his tempered expectations of rafayel's answer don't change the fact that the actual act of being together feels easy... even if the steps that it'd take to get there might still require more time. if this was a test, a temperature check, of how the rest of their time together could be... tobari doesn't think even rafayel can deny that it comes almost as easily as breathing. for better or worse.
rafayel pulls his hand away, but tobari is still overly cautious when he's a bit tipsy. his hand hovers at rafayel's back again, though his touch is lighter now. ]
... but I do. I don't think you get to choose who you fall for.
[ tobari should know—again, he feels like he's reaching for someone who's entirely out of the question for him. he waited months because he didn't want to make things more difficult for rafayel, or dare to tread where he didn't belong. at the same time... some selfish part of him still doesn't quite want to give up. ]
That's not to say I don't realize your circumstances are different, or that I'm blind to the history you have with her. [ to say the least! even that feels like an understatement ] ... but I don't think that means this isn't real either.
That'd be enough for me.
[ he doesn't need to be first or to ask too much... but maybe he just doesn't want to be alone in acknowledging that there is a potential in whatever this is. ]
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
[ the touch is almost too tender for comfort. there's an intimacy behind in which only they may know the depth of. despite being the type riddled with insecurities about his identity, or even the burdens he carries on his metaphorical shoulders— he feels like tobari provides him a clarity that he genuinely doesn't deserve.
compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ being led like this feels so foreign to him. there were few who entered rafayel's proximity like this, and probably even fewer who can get him to drop his guard like this. but, out of all of them, there is... factually only a single person from that who stayed. ... and it's obvious who that fool is.
tobari chose the venue well. the live music intrigues him and he can't help but find himself humming along. not because he knows the song, but they're composed in perfect enough trajectory that he's basically guessing. filling it in with the gaps of the singer's breaths and the notes they carry all the way to the table. when he sees the chair pulled out for him, he can't help but feel uncharacteristically shy.
stop it.
he stares at tobari as if to silently drive that point in, and yet he doesn't actually end up kicking a fuss. settling into his seat, he reaches out to tobari's face as soon as they sit down. almost like he can't help himself. but, instead of it being a tender touch, he's already patting him on the sides of his cheek. ]
Nice try acting all adult-like in front of me, Mister 21. [ but, he does end up drawing his hands back so he can flip through the menu. decidedly, it's easier than staring into tobari's eyes again. ]
What about you? There's still a lot you haven't tried yet, right?
[ the humming is cute... in the end, tobari is always drawn to places like this. live music, skilled entertainers, delicious food serve to create the perfect atmosphere for a night out. though he rolls his eyes at the tease, pulling his face away from the pat. ]
"Adult-like"... Isn't it better to let experience speak for itself, Mister Innocent?
[ imagine feeling shy over having his chair pulled out for him... tobari can't help but find that endearing, too. in the end, there's the urge to tease rafayel a little bit more but he is trying to give him even just a little bit more room to breathe... ]
Mm, there's a lot more variety here. Though some things are familiar. [ itehari's cuisine defaults were really so japanese... ] I like the atmosphere of this place in general...
[ slow, intimate, classy bordering on sensual... it's nostalgic to him, even if it's really not quite the same as the red light district ]
[ the nickname back gets a small huff back. he’s not accustomed to the callout— mister innocent. he wonders if his aunt or thomas would laugh. but he’s fine if he’s perceived that way just by tobari.
he isn’t scared to see inexperienced in front of him. ] If you keep talking about your experience, you may give me the wrong idea. [ or make him jealous, but he can’t admit that out loud. it felt no different fr a confession, just like now where he can’t help but be envious for the people who can and have seen tobari through this same lens. his relaxed posture, or even how he leans forward just enough to make his heart race.
which is why he should just focus on ordering food. he points it the dishes in which may be more familiar to tobari. maybe it would be like having a date with him on itehari?
same, but different. ] It was a good choice. You look at home, somehow. Maybe you’re adjusting better than you thought.
[ is it the wrong idea or the right idea... they pick out the food from the menu and tobari orders when the waiter comes by to take their orders. he'll order wine to pair with the dishes, but even as the waiter leaves, he's quick to clarify for raf: ] I can finish yours if it starts to feel like too much.
[ just so he doesn't feel pressured to drink....
in the end, tobari's answer covers both sentiments, he thinks. to be experienced, to be at home here... he tilts his head and lets his gaze drift over to the live performer. ]
... I think nightlife is what I know best still, for better or worse. So places like this are more comfortable to me than others. A lot of things stay the same. The workers, the performers, the flowing drinks...
[ the human desire to want and be wanted ]
Though it's different to not feel responsible for it all.
[ tobari says this but if an asshole harassed someone in front of him he'd immediately move to deal with it even though he has no right ]
he's about to say it's a little too late for that, but doesn't manage to get the words out. instead, he swallows them as he eases back into his seat. he listens quietly to tobari's words instead. finding the familiar timbre of his voice a comfort, even as they discuss a topic that no one here would possibly understand...
if you think about it, tobari has been isekai'd twice... ]
Can I take that to mean you like it here...? [ he doesn't dare say the word "better." just as the sea was his home once, no matter how much of a prison it could have felt like, there was something deeper there. inescapable. he's sure itehari will never be removed from tobari in a sense.
regardless, ] No, you don't have to answer that. I'm just glad if you feel a little freer here. It might seem a little aimless at first, but I think you'll find your place. You can find something only you can do here. Something you really want to do.
Oh, but there's no rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.
[ he really has been isekai’d twice and he is so fascinated by new sights even still… though nightlife and bars and clubs will probably always be the most familiar to him
rafayel's words get him to huff though, disbelieving ]
You’ll want me out of your hair eventually. I’m not great at staying still.
[ even trying to get settled over the last few months has made him feel stagnant, even if he’s spent more time fussing over suzune than himself. and she got tired of tobari’s attention especially fast ]
But you’re not wrong I’ll probably pick up something. Even the people around here have been nice, when I was asking around getting things ready for tonight.
[ i like how we can both acknowledge this... very protag of tobari.
though, he does feel for suzune, especially being at the age where you desire more freedom than ever...
his words couldn't be any further than the truth for rafayel. to be frank, tobari felt a lot like warmth and security for him in a world that was anything but. it's why he can't be shaken with nerves thinking about the idea that tobari could venture out, and maybe even grow distant in his search for finding what sparks passion.
not that he would take that from him, but it's a thought in his head. surely everyone was entitled to their invasive, likely untrue thought of the day. he shakes it off by the time he responds, instead touching the rim of the cup of water they're given to start with. ]
I could picture you working here, or anywhere. But, you should try to fix that habit of yours of taking on the world first. I would hate to come visit you and seeing your buried under heaps of work looking like a dried out husk.
[ the way he starts protesting this and saying that he doesn't have a habit like that, but it dies before he really can say much of anything.... tobari actually does have a tendency to try to make things better everywhere he goes, even though the general standard of living in linkon is still better than that of the abyss and the district so he's not immediately distracted every five steps.
but there is, factually, just a strong chance he'll find a place eventually that he wants to direct more of his time and attention to because people need help... ]
... I won't overdo it. [ is this convincing anyone? ] But my circumstances are now exceedingly lucky. I know that's thanks to you.
It's not a bad thing to want to pay it forward, is it?
[ to help people the same way that he's been helped? ]
[ there's a soft hum of comprehension from rafayel, as if to say he understands. as much as he warns tobari, he knows there is little either of them can do against the nature of his desires. or the actual core of his heart and who he is as a person.
it's why he swallows down any real argument against his point. he doesn't think tobari won't overdo it, but he can believe his attempt might be real (albeit, even if completely and utterly unsuccessful— put your bets in now). ]
You really overthink about the strangest things. No matter how many times I tell you to forget it...
[ wait, he doesn't like the word forget. backspace. ]
You've already paid your debt by staying with me. You're... kinda like my prisoner now, right?
[ almost immediately, in disbelief: ] Nicest prison I've ever seen.
[ tobari would've thought it was an upgrade to have running, hot water. being beachside with so many food options available and, while he'd never use it, funds to live comfortably without fear about emergencies? insane. rafayel shops brand names and tobari would still hunt for discounts and coupons like a housewife.
but he frowns in thought... there's something else he feels like he wants to make clear— ]
... I appreciate your understanding for where I'm coming from... but no matter what I end up picking up or doing, it's not going to end up being more important to me than you.
[ and there is a romantic undertone to the words, sure... but he would say it even if he didn't feel that way. rafayel is important. for what he's given tobari, yes, but also because he genuinely cares about him so deeply ]
does he really think that? he isn't sure if that was intended to be a metaphor to their relationship, or meant to be taken literally. though, if it was up for interpretation, he'd like to think it may be a bit of both?
to be honest, even if there may have been subtle cues behind his words, he didn't expect tobari to catch onto his feelings so quickly. while it makes him feel seen in some ways, it's also... a bit troubling. he gives a weak smile in return, before shaking his head. ] I know.
[ ...
or he wants to believe he does. that said, it's all feeling a little too real too fast, and so he can only divert. ] Like I always say, you're like ... addicted to me. [ does he always say this. probably not since he felt like there was something between them.
but, maybe for tonight he also doesn't have to hold back. so he does end up reaching over and brushing some of tobari's hair from his eyes. ]
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except, maybe fiction in this case is more frightening than reality, because the cat dance could be perceived as worse? at any rate, he can't help but feel a little anxious at tobari's words.
"that's up to you."
he never thought there'd be a day where that shred of what could be perceived as freedom felt so much... heavier than anything else. he's sure this is tobari's way of saying that he could dictate the pace and intensity of their relationship, but the answer still isn't entirely obvious to him. in the end, it's a decision he defers for now, instead putting his lips to the brim of the cup as he drinks down the last of their drink. ] You really know what I want.
[ the drink, he means.
but, he guesses that could be misleading. kind of like how he's already pressing his shoulder up against tobari's. he is feeling a little buzzed now, admittedly. though... if he's being honest, he also just wants to be closer to tobari. even if he feels like he may change his mind as soon as tomorrow. ]
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it's funny because tobari doesn't know what rafayel wants at all. realistically, he's pretty sure he wants to be with that woman—but tobari has spent his time watching to see if the feeling was mutual. it's always been his opinion that if you're not wanted back, you should move on.
which is what led them here—because tobari can survive rafayel wanting someone else so long as he wants tobari too... but does he? or is this just for fun? is it just a result of tobari knowing a little too well how to be a good date and how to keep someone occupied? maybe it's his fault for muddling things between that line of love and lust—
maybe they really will be heterosexual housemates. or maybe tobari will be the one who has to move on... but the night is still young and they'll have forever to talk about that, won't they? so he puts it off too. in the end, he's just selfish enough to want to enjoy this even if some part of him is wondering if one night is all he's gonna get.
so he takes rafayel's weight when he comes in closer, laughing faintly as his fingers comes up to gently brush against his cheek. he'll let go of rafayel's hand, but only so that he can instead steady him with gentle pressure at the small of his back ]
You really can't hold your liquor, huh? I'll have to cut you off here.
Come on. Let's get some actual dinner.
[ and then he'll guide raf out of the barcade.... they can bring their octopus plush son with them. tobari will pick up the other toys tomorrow to bring them home ]
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for as simple as the solutions to life's most difficult problems tended to be, rafayel was prone to overthinking. even now, his brain is in a constant state of overdrive. he can't help but to read into every single one of tobari's words. or even his touch, like now. when he feels his hand against his back, he can already feel his body heating up, and he feels a bit like he did back in purgatory in that hotel lobby.
except... this time, he isn't under some curse.
he clears his throat a little, as if to feign retaining some sort of control over himself. ] Excuse you, I hold it just fine. You just happen to gulp it down like you're a fish. That's not my fault. [ but, he does allow himself to be lead out, even if he does hold the octopus a little higher as if to block his face. ]
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Ah, they'd always goad me into drinking with them at the district, even if I was working. Worked to build my tolerance fast, if nothing else.
[ but it's still endearing that just this much was enough to get raf tipsy... ]
Well, don't get too caught up on your weird dare. You still have two more scrolls to cash in if you want to.
[ a secret and a question... he'll try to help with a topic change even if he's not sure what's got rafayel embarrassed this time... ]
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that said, it's hard for rafayel not to feel like itehari was a place that didn't agree with his own sensibilities. making tobari drink like that at a young age on top of all his other hardships... suzune's too. it just didn't sit well with him. ... and yet, he knows how precious of a place it was to tobari. so he swallows those thoughts. ]
Then, can I ask you a question?
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[ but! that's not as fun to talk about. tobari is overly familiar with too many things that others would find upsetting or perhaps too mature, but that's all he's ever known. they live fast and die young, and it's hard to say they even do it well.
so he instead allows himself to just go with the topic change: ]
Ah. Go ahead.
[ he has no idea what raf might want to ask him at all ]
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... which, is still a strange concept for him to swallow, and yet when they walk together like this, it doesn't feel unnatural in the slightest.
maybe that's why he ends up asking the question he does. ]
Do you think we could always be like this...? [ it's not exactly the question he's actually thinking of at all, and yet they're the words that flow into him at the moment. he wonders if tobari could picture them together like this? would they have a different relationship in time?
he can't help but wonder if tobari really wants him, or if this may just be a fleeting passion for the one person who just couldn't let him go. ]
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tobari tilts head, not bothering to hide his confusion. ]
Yeah?
[ said like… duh?
though that sounds more dismissive than he intended… but that must mean his sentiments haven’t come through clearly enough, huh? ]
I guess I haven’t been direct enough if you’re still asking. That’s my bad. [ so might as well make it clearer? they stop at a street corner, waiting for the walk signal, and tobari moves his hand from rafayel’s back to instead reach for his hand instead. he brings it up so that he can brush a kiss against the back of his knuckles. light but undeniable. ] I think we could be. I think it’d be easy. Easier than I ever expected.
[ to choose rafayel. to be with him and to let more of his attention be centered on one person’s happiness than all the world’s benefit. ]
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admittedly, he is slightly intoxicated, and it probably shows in the almost languid way he tilts his head. but, before he struggles to ask for clarification, tobari ends up beating him to the punch. the kiss on the back of his hand isn't necessarily sudden, but it stops his heart in a similar way. he isn't sure if it's just shock though that gets his heart rate rising.
he's trying not to show his embarrassment, or the fact that he feels... both touched, and a little sorry. he falls silent, before he turns his head away, trying his best not to make eye contact. to be honest, he feels like it'd be over if he did.
but, contrary to the way he might have been setting himself up to keep their relationship ambiguous, he does end up squeezing down on tobari's fingers. he slides his palm over tobari's and gives it a final squeeze before drawing away. in this moment he's thankful to the alcohol in which he can blame his flushed cheeks on. ]
You're strangely optimistic about this. [ ... ]
If that was soooo obvious, can I ask you another? [ he doesn't wait for a response. ] Do you believe in a second love?
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I don't know if I'd call it optimism. I don't actually expect you to say yes. I was just answering your question.
[ if he's being honest? and tobari is prone to honesty, at least when it comes to matters like this. his tempered expectations of rafayel's answer don't change the fact that the actual act of being together feels easy... even if the steps that it'd take to get there might still require more time. if this was a test, a temperature check, of how the rest of their time together could be... tobari doesn't think even rafayel can deny that it comes almost as easily as breathing. for better or worse.
rafayel pulls his hand away, but tobari is still overly cautious when he's a bit tipsy. his hand hovers at rafayel's back again, though his touch is lighter now. ]
... but I do. I don't think you get to choose who you fall for.
[ tobari should know—again, he feels like he's reaching for someone who's entirely out of the question for him. he waited months because he didn't want to make things more difficult for rafayel, or dare to tread where he didn't belong. at the same time... some selfish part of him still doesn't quite want to give up. ]
That's not to say I don't realize your circumstances are different, or that I'm blind to the history you have with her. [ to say the least! even that feels like an understatement ] ... but I don't think that means this isn't real either.
That'd be enough for me.
[ he doesn't need to be first or to ask too much... but maybe he just doesn't want to be alone in acknowledging that there is a potential in whatever this is. ]
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that honesty is almost worse.
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
it's facebook - it's complicated. ]
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he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
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compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
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the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ so rafayel gets to eat more variety... ]
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tobari chose the venue well. the live music intrigues him and he can't help but find himself humming along. not because he knows the song, but they're composed in perfect enough trajectory that he's basically guessing. filling it in with the gaps of the singer's breaths and the notes they carry all the way to the table. when he sees the chair pulled out for him, he can't help but feel uncharacteristically shy.
stop it.
he stares at tobari as if to silently drive that point in, and yet he doesn't actually end up kicking a fuss. settling into his seat, he reaches out to tobari's face as soon as they sit down. almost like he can't help himself. but, instead of it being a tender touch, he's already patting him on the sides of his cheek. ]
Nice try acting all adult-like in front of me, Mister 21. [ but, he does end up drawing his hands back so he can flip through the menu. decidedly, it's easier than staring into tobari's eyes again. ]
What about you? There's still a lot you haven't tried yet, right?
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"Adult-like"... Isn't it better to let experience speak for itself, Mister Innocent?
[ imagine feeling shy over having his chair pulled out for him... tobari can't help but find that endearing, too. in the end, there's the urge to tease rafayel a little bit more but he is trying to give him even just a little bit more room to breathe... ]
Mm, there's a lot more variety here. Though some things are familiar. [ itehari's cuisine defaults were really so japanese... ] I like the atmosphere of this place in general...
[ slow, intimate, classy bordering on sensual... it's nostalgic to him, even if it's really not quite the same as the red light district ]
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he isn’t scared to see inexperienced in front of him. ] If you keep talking about your experience, you may give me the wrong idea. [ or make him jealous, but he can’t admit that out loud. it felt no different fr a confession, just like now where he can’t help but be envious for the people who can and have seen tobari through this same lens. his relaxed posture, or even how he leans forward just enough to make his heart race.
which is why he should just focus on ordering food. he points it the dishes in which may be more familiar to tobari. maybe it would be like having a date with him on itehari?
same, but different. ] It was a good choice. You look at home, somehow. Maybe you’re adjusting better than you thought.
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[ just so he doesn't feel pressured to drink....
in the end, tobari's answer covers both sentiments, he thinks. to be experienced, to be at home here... he tilts his head and lets his gaze drift over to the live performer. ]
... I think nightlife is what I know best still, for better or worse. So places like this are more comfortable to me than others. A lot of things stay the same. The workers, the performers, the flowing drinks...
[ the human desire to want and be wanted ]
Though it's different to not feel responsible for it all.
[ tobari says this but if an asshole harassed someone in front of him he'd immediately move to deal with it even though he has no right ]
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he's about to say it's a little too late for that, but doesn't manage to get the words out. instead, he swallows them as he eases back into his seat. he listens quietly to tobari's words instead. finding the familiar timbre of his voice a comfort, even as they discuss a topic that no one here would possibly understand...
if you think about it, tobari has been isekai'd twice... ]
Can I take that to mean you like it here...? [ he doesn't dare say the word "better." just as the sea was his home once, no matter how much of a prison it could have felt like, there was something deeper there. inescapable. he's sure itehari will never be removed from tobari in a sense.
regardless, ] No, you don't have to answer that. I'm just glad if you feel a little freer here. It might seem a little aimless at first, but I think you'll find your place. You can find something only you can do here. Something you really want to do.
Oh, but there's no rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.
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rafayel's words get him to huff though, disbelieving ]
You’ll want me out of your hair eventually. I’m not great at staying still.
[ even trying to get settled over the last few months has made him feel stagnant, even if he’s spent more time fussing over suzune than himself. and she got tired of tobari’s attention especially fast ]
But you’re not wrong I’ll probably pick up something. Even the people around here have been nice, when I was asking around getting things ready for tonight.
[ help for their deito… ]
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though, he does feel for suzune, especially being at the age where you desire more freedom than ever...
his words couldn't be any further than the truth for rafayel. to be frank, tobari felt a lot like warmth and security for him in a world that was anything but. it's why he can't be shaken with nerves thinking about the idea that tobari could venture out, and maybe even grow distant in his search for finding what sparks passion.
not that he would take that from him, but it's a thought in his head. surely everyone was entitled to their invasive, likely untrue thought of the day. he shakes it off by the time he responds, instead touching the rim of the cup of water they're given to start with. ]
I could picture you working here, or anywhere. But, you should try to fix that habit of yours of taking on the world first. I would hate to come visit you and seeing your buried under heaps of work looking like a dried out husk.
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[ the way he starts protesting this and saying that he doesn't have a habit like that, but it dies before he really can say much of anything.... tobari actually does have a tendency to try to make things better everywhere he goes, even though the general standard of living in linkon is still better than that of the abyss and the district so he's not immediately distracted every five steps.
but there is, factually, just a strong chance he'll find a place eventually that he wants to direct more of his time and attention to because people need help... ]
... I won't overdo it. [ is this convincing anyone? ] But my circumstances are now exceedingly lucky. I know that's thanks to you.
It's not a bad thing to want to pay it forward, is it?
[ to help people the same way that he's been helped? ]
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it's why he swallows down any real argument against his point. he doesn't think tobari won't overdo it, but he can believe his attempt might be real (albeit, even if completely and utterly unsuccessful— put your bets in now). ]
You really overthink about the strangest things. No matter how many times I tell you to forget it...
[ wait, he doesn't like the word forget. backspace. ]
You've already paid your debt by staying with me. You're... kinda like my prisoner now, right?
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[ tobari would've thought it was an upgrade to have running, hot water. being beachside with so many food options available and, while he'd never use it, funds to live comfortably without fear about emergencies? insane. rafayel shops brand names and tobari would still hunt for discounts and coupons like a housewife.
but he frowns in thought... there's something else he feels like he wants to make clear— ]
... I appreciate your understanding for where I'm coming from... but no matter what I end up picking up or doing, it's not going to end up being more important to me than you.
[ and there is a romantic undertone to the words, sure... but he would say it even if he didn't feel that way. rafayel is important. for what he's given tobari, yes, but also because he genuinely cares about him so deeply ]
Just to make that clear.
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his response does get a small laugh from him.
does he really think that? he isn't sure if that was intended to be a metaphor to their relationship, or meant to be taken literally. though, if it was up for interpretation, he'd like to think it may be a bit of both?
to be honest, even if there may have been subtle cues behind his words, he didn't expect tobari to catch onto his feelings so quickly. while it makes him feel seen in some ways, it's also... a bit troubling. he gives a weak smile in return, before shaking his head. ] I know.
[ ...
or he wants to believe he does. that said, it's all feeling a little too real too fast, and so he can only divert. ] Like I always say, you're like ... addicted to me. [ does he always say this. probably not since he felt like there was something between them.
but, maybe for tonight he also doesn't have to hold back. so he does end up reaching over and brushing some of tobari's hair from his eyes. ]
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