[ tobari is a graceful loser except for the fact that if you push him too far he will try to make it clear who's in charge. so maybe he's not a graceful loser at all?
rafayel's not wrong, though. tobari would make a horrible pet. terribly independent and prone to withholding his affections just because—and then delivering them like this, as a surprise, just to make problems. his own expression turns mischievous, the curve of his mouth lifting as if to invite challenge. rafayel can touch his cheek, and he'll tilt his head just ever so slightly to meet his touch. ]
Won't I?
[ his voice lowers as if offering a promise ]
Pretty sure I said if you had better ideas, I'd let you. Surely you can think of something if you want me so badly.
[ he didn't need to say it like that... well rafayel told him not to hold back on this date and tobari's not afraid of being bold
even if whether rafayel would act on those wants is the real question here, tobari thinks. ]
[ he realizes belatedly that he's nearly forgot to breathe for a second. the thought strikes him suddenly as he swallows hard. he isn't sure if it comes from the residual nerves from the night he's spent overthinking, or if it's just that he's entirely caught off-guard. even knowing this likely was just another act of rebellion by tobari, he can't help but feel a little hotter.
he makes a show of clearing his throat, albeit awkwardly. ] Badly? You might need to get your eyes checked. Last I recall, you also... [ his hand gently feels tobari's cheek, and then gently reaches to touch the lobe of his ears, then the tip of it, before he drops his hand. ]
Anyway, do you really want to do this in front of your friend there? You looked close. [ he's mostly teasing. but, maybe he's also just petty enough to bring this up here, yeah. ]
[ sure, it's an act of rebellion because he's mad about petplay, but he also means every word. rafayel getting momentarily tongue-tied is more than satisfying enough for him, something he's chalking up as his victory to balance out the crushing defeat he suffered over the arcade game. his eyes light up with mischief when rafayel gives in to touching him just a bit more, tilting his head into the touch while it lasts.
speaking of close, tobari smiles before he leans in impossibly closer, lips just a few scant centimeters away from rafayel's. ]
I don't mind. Isn't it better for everyone to know who I came here with? That you're the one I want to be closest to.
[ rudely appeals to rafayel's cagefish tendencies on purpose.
but he'll finish playing soon after, finally letting go of rafayel and stepping back to give him room to breathe. ]
Well, you're not wrong I'd rather keep some things private. [ goes back to just catching rafayel's hand in his own. safer? ] I think there's some drink left. You wanna finish it off before we go?
[ PETPLAY!!!!!! you're right though, i guess it is kind of petplay. how did i not realize this
unfortunately, tobari is right. the words do appeal to him. had they been in private, and had he been entering ebb day, he may not have been able to control his scales from peeking up the side of his neck as a sign of delight. as it stands, he's glad he can retain that shred of self-control.
as for his dignity? that may have been lost cause from the start. ]
Correction, I should be the only one.
[ the only one he's close with at all. at least, in terms of this type of relationship. though, he refuses to clarify on that point, even internally. he decides to pack that away alongside any other emotion he may have felt. so it's as relief when tobari gives him that space to.
even if rafayel grasps his hand like it's a life line. what is the truth... ]
I'll drink. [ he leans in, as if telling tobari to hold it up to him. this is also still very spoiled behavior. ]
[ tobari doesn't know that it's for a dance............... he just assumes this is some kind of insane twisted petplay because rafayel doesn't even like cats?
as is, he raises a brow at the correction—in the same breath, he lets rafayel retreat. tobari wouldn't mind that, but isn't this date just part of showing that he's serious about his intentions? it's just up to rafayel if he wants to keep playing along with it or not. ]
Pretty sure that's up to you, Raf.
[ if he wants all of tobari's attention, then he can have it
though all signs currently point to yes... they are just ending up more of a mess. despite this, tobari rolls his eyes with too much fondness, reaching for the glass that has just enough for one more satisfying gulp in it and lifting it to rafayel's mouth easily. tobari never entertained guests himself in the red light district, but the motions come familiarly to him nonetheless. ]
except, maybe fiction in this case is more frightening than reality, because the cat dance could be perceived as worse? at any rate, he can't help but feel a little anxious at tobari's words.
"that's up to you."
he never thought there'd be a day where that shred of what could be perceived as freedom felt so much... heavier than anything else. he's sure this is tobari's way of saying that he could dictate the pace and intensity of their relationship, but the answer still isn't entirely obvious to him. in the end, it's a decision he defers for now, instead putting his lips to the brim of the cup as he drinks down the last of their drink. ] You really know what I want.
[ the drink, he means.
but, he guesses that could be misleading. kind of like how he's already pressing his shoulder up against tobari's. he is feeling a little buzzed now, admittedly. though... if he's being honest, he also just wants to be closer to tobari. even if he feels like he may change his mind as soon as tomorrow. ]
it's funny because tobari doesn't know what rafayel wants at all. realistically, he's pretty sure he wants to be with that woman—but tobari has spent his time watching to see if the feeling was mutual. it's always been his opinion that if you're not wanted back, you should move on.
which is what led them here—because tobari can survive rafayel wanting someone else so long as he wants tobari too... but does he? or is this just for fun? is it just a result of tobari knowing a little too well how to be a good date and how to keep someone occupied? maybe it's his fault for muddling things between that line of love and lust—
maybe they really will be heterosexual housemates. or maybe tobari will be the one who has to move on... but the night is still young and they'll have forever to talk about that, won't they? so he puts it off too. in the end, he's just selfish enough to want to enjoy this even if some part of him is wondering if one night is all he's gonna get.
so he takes rafayel's weight when he comes in closer, laughing faintly as his fingers comes up to gently brush against his cheek. he'll let go of rafayel's hand, but only so that he can instead steady him with gentle pressure at the small of his back ]
You really can't hold your liquor, huh? I'll have to cut you off here.
Come on. Let's get some actual dinner.
[ and then he'll guide raf out of the barcade.... they can bring their octopus plush son with them. tobari will pick up the other toys tomorrow to bring them home ]
[ if only rafayel could adopt a similar philosophy...
for as simple as the solutions to life's most difficult problems tended to be, rafayel was prone to overthinking. even now, his brain is in a constant state of overdrive. he can't help but to read into every single one of tobari's words. or even his touch, like now. when he feels his hand against his back, he can already feel his body heating up, and he feels a bit like he did back in purgatory in that hotel lobby.
except... this time, he isn't under some curse.
he clears his throat a little, as if to feign retaining some sort of control over himself. ] Excuse you, I hold it just fine. You just happen to gulp it down like you're a fish. That's not my fault. [ but, he does allow himself to be lead out, even if he does hold the octopus a little higher as if to block his face. ]
[ blocking his face is... so cute. rafayel is... so cute. tobari at least doesn't comment actively on it, instead guiding rafayel out and making sure no one's close enough to bump into him on th eway like he's done this a million times before. the air is already starting to cool down with the evening and the setting sun by the time they get outside, and tobari walks them both down the street to their next destination. ]
Ah, they'd always goad me into drinking with them at the district, even if I was working. Worked to build my tolerance fast, if nothing else.
[ but it's still endearing that just this much was enough to get raf tipsy... ]
Well, don't get too caught up on your weird dare. You still have two more scrolls to cash in if you want to.
[ a secret and a question... he'll try to help with a topic change even if he's not sure what's got rafayel embarrassed this time... ]
Aren't you too young to be that experienced in drinking? [ he says as he gradually draws the plushie a little lower. still, he feels the way tobari gently steers him through the crowd, and even when he's a little buzzed, he isn't afraid of following his lead.
that said, it's hard for rafayel not to feel like itehari was a place that didn't agree with his own sensibilities. making tobari drink like that at a young age on top of all his other hardships... suzune's too. it just didn't sit well with him. ... and yet, he knows how precious of a place it was to tobari. so he swallows those thoughts. ]
In the abyss and in the district, you grow up fast.
[ but! that's not as fun to talk about. tobari is overly familiar with too many things that others would find upsetting or perhaps too mature, but that's all he's ever known. they live fast and die young, and it's hard to say they even do it well.
so he instead allows himself to just go with the topic change: ]
Ah. Go ahead.
[ he has no idea what raf might want to ask him at all ]
[ he can tell it's probably not a topic tobari wants to delve into. at least, not in the middle of a date.
... which, is still a strange concept for him to swallow, and yet when they walk together like this, it doesn't feel unnatural in the slightest.
maybe that's why he ends up asking the question he does. ]
Do you think we could always be like this...? [ it's not exactly the question he's actually thinking of at all, and yet they're the words that flow into him at the moment. he wonders if tobari could picture them together like this? would they have a different relationship in time?
he can't help but wonder if tobari really wants him, or if this may just be a fleeting passion for the one person who just couldn't let him go. ]
tobari tilts head, not bothering to hide his confusion. ]
Yeah?
[ said like⦠duh?
though that sounds more dismissive than he intendedβ¦ but that must mean his sentiments havenβt come through clearly enough, huh? ]
I guess I havenβt been direct enough if youβre still asking. Thatβs my bad. [ so might as well make it clearer? they stop at a street corner, waiting for the walk signal, and tobari moves his hand from rafayelβs back to instead reach for his hand instead. he brings it up so that he can brush a kiss against the back of his knuckles. light but undeniable. ] I think we could be. I think itβd be easy. Easier than I ever expected.
[ to choose rafayel. to be with him and to let more of his attention be centered on one personβs happiness than all the worldβs benefit. ]
admittedly, he is slightly intoxicated, and it probably shows in the almost languid way he tilts his head. but, before he struggles to ask for clarification, tobari ends up beating him to the punch. the kiss on the back of his hand isn't necessarily sudden, but it stops his heart in a similar way. he isn't sure if it's just shock though that gets his heart rate rising.
he's trying not to show his embarrassment, or the fact that he feels... both touched, and a little sorry. he falls silent, before he turns his head away, trying his best not to make eye contact. to be honest, he feels like it'd be over if he did.
but, contrary to the way he might have been setting himself up to keep their relationship ambiguous, he does end up squeezing down on tobari's fingers. he slides his palm over tobari's and gives it a final squeeze before drawing away. in this moment he's thankful to the alcohol in which he can blame his flushed cheeks on. ]
You're strangely optimistic about this. [ ... ]
If that was soooo obvious, can I ask you another? [ he doesn't wait for a response. ] Do you believe in a second love?
I don't know if I'd call it optimism. I don't actually expect you to say yes. I was just answering your question.
[ if he's being honest? and tobari is prone to honesty, at least when it comes to matters like this. his tempered expectations of rafayel's answer don't change the fact that the actual act of being together feels easy... even if the steps that it'd take to get there might still require more time. if this was a test, a temperature check, of how the rest of their time together could be... tobari doesn't think even rafayel can deny that it comes almost as easily as breathing. for better or worse.
rafayel pulls his hand away, but tobari is still overly cautious when he's a bit tipsy. his hand hovers at rafayel's back again, though his touch is lighter now. ]
... but I do. I don't think you get to choose who you fall for.
[ tobari should know—again, he feels like he's reaching for someone who's entirely out of the question for him. he waited months because he didn't want to make things more difficult for rafayel, or dare to tread where he didn't belong. at the same time... some selfish part of him still doesn't quite want to give up. ]
That's not to say I don't realize your circumstances are different, or that I'm blind to the history you have with her. [ to say the least! even that feels like an understatement ] ... but I don't think that means this isn't real either.
That'd be enough for me.
[ he doesn't need to be first or to ask too much... but maybe he just doesn't want to be alone in acknowledging that there is a potential in whatever this is. ]
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
[ the touch is almost too tender for comfort. there's an intimacy behind in which only they may know the depth of. despite being the type riddled with insecurities about his identity, or even the burdens he carries on his metaphorical shoulders— he feels like tobari provides him a clarity that he genuinely doesn't deserve.
compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ being led like this feels so foreign to him. there were few who entered rafayel's proximity like this, and probably even fewer who can get him to drop his guard like this. but, out of all of them, there is... factually only a single person from that who stayed. ... and it's obvious who that fool is.
tobari chose the venue well. the live music intrigues him and he can't help but find himself humming along. not because he knows the song, but they're composed in perfect enough trajectory that he's basically guessing. filling it in with the gaps of the singer's breaths and the notes they carry all the way to the table. when he sees the chair pulled out for him, he can't help but feel uncharacteristically shy.
stop it.
he stares at tobari as if to silently drive that point in, and yet he doesn't actually end up kicking a fuss. settling into his seat, he reaches out to tobari's face as soon as they sit down. almost like he can't help himself. but, instead of it being a tender touch, he's already patting him on the sides of his cheek. ]
Nice try acting all adult-like in front of me, Mister 21. [ but, he does end up drawing his hands back so he can flip through the menu. decidedly, it's easier than staring into tobari's eyes again. ]
What about you? There's still a lot you haven't tried yet, right?
[ the humming is cute... in the end, tobari is always drawn to places like this. live music, skilled entertainers, delicious food serve to create the perfect atmosphere for a night out. though he rolls his eyes at the tease, pulling his face away from the pat. ]
"Adult-like"... Isn't it better to let experience speak for itself, Mister Innocent?
[ imagine feeling shy over having his chair pulled out for him... tobari can't help but find that endearing, too. in the end, there's the urge to tease rafayel a little bit more but he is trying to give him even just a little bit more room to breathe... ]
Mm, there's a lot more variety here. Though some things are familiar. [ itehari's cuisine defaults were really so japanese... ] I like the atmosphere of this place in general...
[ slow, intimate, classy bordering on sensual... it's nostalgic to him, even if it's really not quite the same as the red light district ]
[ the nickname back gets a small huff back. heβs not accustomed to the callout— mister innocent. he wonders if his aunt or thomas would laugh. but heβs fine if heβs perceived that way just by tobari.
he isnβt scared to see inexperienced in front of him. ] If you keep talking about your experience, you may give me the wrong idea. [ or make him jealous, but he canβt admit that out loud. it felt no different fr a confession, just like now where he canβt help but be envious for the people who can and have seen tobari through this same lens. his relaxed posture, or even how he leans forward just enough to make his heart race.
which is why he should just focus on ordering food. he points it the dishes in which may be more familiar to tobari. maybe it would be like having a date with him on itehari?
same, but different. ] It was a good choice. You look at home, somehow. Maybe youβre adjusting better than you thought.
[ is it the wrong idea or the right idea... they pick out the food from the menu and tobari orders when the waiter comes by to take their orders. he'll order wine to pair with the dishes, but even as the waiter leaves, he's quick to clarify for raf: ] I can finish yours if it starts to feel like too much.
[ just so he doesn't feel pressured to drink....
in the end, tobari's answer covers both sentiments, he thinks. to be experienced, to be at home here... he tilts his head and lets his gaze drift over to the live performer. ]
... I think nightlife is what I know best still, for better or worse. So places like this are more comfortable to me than others. A lot of things stay the same. The workers, the performers, the flowing drinks...
[ the human desire to want and be wanted ]
Though it's different to not feel responsible for it all.
[ tobari says this but if an asshole harassed someone in front of him he'd immediately move to deal with it even though he has no right ]
he's about to say it's a little too late for that, but doesn't manage to get the words out. instead, he swallows them as he eases back into his seat. he listens quietly to tobari's words instead. finding the familiar timbre of his voice a comfort, even as they discuss a topic that no one here would possibly understand...
if you think about it, tobari has been isekai'd twice... ]
Can I take that to mean you like it here...? [ he doesn't dare say the word "better." just as the sea was his home once, no matter how much of a prison it could have felt like, there was something deeper there. inescapable. he's sure itehari will never be removed from tobari in a sense.
regardless, ] No, you don't have to answer that. I'm just glad if you feel a little freer here. It might seem a little aimless at first, but I think you'll find your place. You can find something only you can do here. Something you really want to do.
Oh, but there's no rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.
[ he really has been isekaiβd twice and he is so fascinated by new sights even stillβ¦ though nightlife and bars and clubs will probably always be the most familiar to him
rafayel's words get him to huff though, disbelieving ]
Youβll want me out of your hair eventually. Iβm not great at staying still.
[ even trying to get settled over the last few months has made him feel stagnant, even if heβs spent more time fussing over suzune than himself. and she got tired of tobariβs attention especially fast ]
But youβre not wrong Iβll probably pick up something. Even the people around here have been nice, when I was asking around getting things ready for tonight.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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rafayel's not wrong, though. tobari would make a horrible pet. terribly independent and prone to withholding his affections just because—and then delivering them like this, as a surprise, just to make problems. his own expression turns mischievous, the curve of his mouth lifting as if to invite challenge. rafayel can touch his cheek, and he'll tilt his head just ever so slightly to meet his touch. ]
Won't I?
[ his voice lowers as if offering a promise ]
Pretty sure I said if you had better ideas, I'd let you. Surely you can think of something if you want me so badly.
[ he didn't need to say it like that... well rafayel told him not to hold back on this date and tobari's not afraid of being bold
even if whether rafayel would act on those wants is the real question here, tobari thinks. ]
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he makes a show of clearing his throat, albeit awkwardly. ] Badly? You might need to get your eyes checked. Last I recall, you also... [ his hand gently feels tobari's cheek, and then gently reaches to touch the lobe of his ears, then the tip of it, before he drops his hand. ]
Anyway, do you really want to do this in front of your friend there? You looked close. [ he's mostly teasing. but, maybe he's also just petty enough to bring this up here, yeah. ]
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speaking of close, tobari smiles before he leans in impossibly closer, lips just a few scant centimeters away from rafayel's. ]
I don't mind. Isn't it better for everyone to know who I came here with? That you're the one I want to be closest to.
[ rudely appeals to rafayel's cagefish tendencies on purpose.
but he'll finish playing soon after, finally letting go of rafayel and stepping back to give him room to breathe. ]
Well, you're not wrong I'd rather keep some things private. [ goes back to just catching rafayel's hand in his own. safer? ] I think there's some drink left. You wanna finish it off before we go?
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unfortunately, tobari is right. the words do appeal to him. had they been in private, and had he been entering ebb day, he may not have been able to control his scales from peeking up the side of his neck as a sign of delight. as it stands, he's glad he can retain that shred of self-control.
as for his dignity? that may have been lost cause from the start. ]
Correction, I should be the only one.
[ the only one he's close with at all. at least, in terms of this type of relationship. though, he refuses to clarify on that point, even internally. he decides to pack that away alongside any other emotion he may have felt. so it's as relief when tobari gives him that space to.
even if rafayel grasps his hand like it's a life line. what is the truth... ]
I'll drink. [ he leans in, as if telling tobari to hold it up to him. this is also still very spoiled behavior. ]
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as is, he raises a brow at the correction—in the same breath, he lets rafayel retreat. tobari wouldn't mind that, but isn't this date just part of showing that he's serious about his intentions? it's just up to rafayel if he wants to keep playing along with it or not. ]
Pretty sure that's up to you, Raf.
[ if he wants all of tobari's attention, then he can have it
though all signs currently point to yes... they are just ending up more of a mess. despite this, tobari rolls his eyes with too much fondness, reaching for the glass that has just enough for one more satisfying gulp in it and lifting it to rafayel's mouth easily. tobari never entertained guests himself in the red light district, but the motions come familiarly to him nonetheless. ]
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except, maybe fiction in this case is more frightening than reality, because the cat dance could be perceived as worse? at any rate, he can't help but feel a little anxious at tobari's words.
"that's up to you."
he never thought there'd be a day where that shred of what could be perceived as freedom felt so much... heavier than anything else. he's sure this is tobari's way of saying that he could dictate the pace and intensity of their relationship, but the answer still isn't entirely obvious to him. in the end, it's a decision he defers for now, instead putting his lips to the brim of the cup as he drinks down the last of their drink. ] You really know what I want.
[ the drink, he means.
but, he guesses that could be misleading. kind of like how he's already pressing his shoulder up against tobari's. he is feeling a little buzzed now, admittedly. though... if he's being honest, he also just wants to be closer to tobari. even if he feels like he may change his mind as soon as tomorrow. ]
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it's funny because tobari doesn't know what rafayel wants at all. realistically, he's pretty sure he wants to be with that woman—but tobari has spent his time watching to see if the feeling was mutual. it's always been his opinion that if you're not wanted back, you should move on.
which is what led them here—because tobari can survive rafayel wanting someone else so long as he wants tobari too... but does he? or is this just for fun? is it just a result of tobari knowing a little too well how to be a good date and how to keep someone occupied? maybe it's his fault for muddling things between that line of love and lust—
maybe they really will be heterosexual housemates. or maybe tobari will be the one who has to move on... but the night is still young and they'll have forever to talk about that, won't they? so he puts it off too. in the end, he's just selfish enough to want to enjoy this even if some part of him is wondering if one night is all he's gonna get.
so he takes rafayel's weight when he comes in closer, laughing faintly as his fingers comes up to gently brush against his cheek. he'll let go of rafayel's hand, but only so that he can instead steady him with gentle pressure at the small of his back ]
You really can't hold your liquor, huh? I'll have to cut you off here.
Come on. Let's get some actual dinner.
[ and then he'll guide raf out of the barcade.... they can bring their octopus plush son with them. tobari will pick up the other toys tomorrow to bring them home ]
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for as simple as the solutions to life's most difficult problems tended to be, rafayel was prone to overthinking. even now, his brain is in a constant state of overdrive. he can't help but to read into every single one of tobari's words. or even his touch, like now. when he feels his hand against his back, he can already feel his body heating up, and he feels a bit like he did back in purgatory in that hotel lobby.
except... this time, he isn't under some curse.
he clears his throat a little, as if to feign retaining some sort of control over himself. ] Excuse you, I hold it just fine. You just happen to gulp it down like you're a fish. That's not my fault. [ but, he does allow himself to be lead out, even if he does hold the octopus a little higher as if to block his face. ]
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Ah, they'd always goad me into drinking with them at the district, even if I was working. Worked to build my tolerance fast, if nothing else.
[ but it's still endearing that just this much was enough to get raf tipsy... ]
Well, don't get too caught up on your weird dare. You still have two more scrolls to cash in if you want to.
[ a secret and a question... he'll try to help with a topic change even if he's not sure what's got rafayel embarrassed this time... ]
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that said, it's hard for rafayel not to feel like itehari was a place that didn't agree with his own sensibilities. making tobari drink like that at a young age on top of all his other hardships... suzune's too. it just didn't sit well with him. ... and yet, he knows how precious of a place it was to tobari. so he swallows those thoughts. ]
Then, can I ask you a question?
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[ but! that's not as fun to talk about. tobari is overly familiar with too many things that others would find upsetting or perhaps too mature, but that's all he's ever known. they live fast and die young, and it's hard to say they even do it well.
so he instead allows himself to just go with the topic change: ]
Ah. Go ahead.
[ he has no idea what raf might want to ask him at all ]
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... which, is still a strange concept for him to swallow, and yet when they walk together like this, it doesn't feel unnatural in the slightest.
maybe that's why he ends up asking the question he does. ]
Do you think we could always be like this...? [ it's not exactly the question he's actually thinking of at all, and yet they're the words that flow into him at the moment. he wonders if tobari could picture them together like this? would they have a different relationship in time?
he can't help but wonder if tobari really wants him, or if this may just be a fleeting passion for the one person who just couldn't let him go. ]
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tobari tilts head, not bothering to hide his confusion. ]
Yeah?
[ said like⦠duh?
though that sounds more dismissive than he intendedβ¦ but that must mean his sentiments havenβt come through clearly enough, huh? ]
I guess I havenβt been direct enough if youβre still asking. Thatβs my bad. [ so might as well make it clearer? they stop at a street corner, waiting for the walk signal, and tobari moves his hand from rafayelβs back to instead reach for his hand instead. he brings it up so that he can brush a kiss against the back of his knuckles. light but undeniable. ] I think we could be. I think itβd be easy. Easier than I ever expected.
[ to choose rafayel. to be with him and to let more of his attention be centered on one personβs happiness than all the worldβs benefit. ]
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admittedly, he is slightly intoxicated, and it probably shows in the almost languid way he tilts his head. but, before he struggles to ask for clarification, tobari ends up beating him to the punch. the kiss on the back of his hand isn't necessarily sudden, but it stops his heart in a similar way. he isn't sure if it's just shock though that gets his heart rate rising.
he's trying not to show his embarrassment, or the fact that he feels... both touched, and a little sorry. he falls silent, before he turns his head away, trying his best not to make eye contact. to be honest, he feels like it'd be over if he did.
but, contrary to the way he might have been setting himself up to keep their relationship ambiguous, he does end up squeezing down on tobari's fingers. he slides his palm over tobari's and gives it a final squeeze before drawing away. in this moment he's thankful to the alcohol in which he can blame his flushed cheeks on. ]
You're strangely optimistic about this. [ ... ]
If that was soooo obvious, can I ask you another? [ he doesn't wait for a response. ] Do you believe in a second love?
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I don't know if I'd call it optimism. I don't actually expect you to say yes. I was just answering your question.
[ if he's being honest? and tobari is prone to honesty, at least when it comes to matters like this. his tempered expectations of rafayel's answer don't change the fact that the actual act of being together feels easy... even if the steps that it'd take to get there might still require more time. if this was a test, a temperature check, of how the rest of their time together could be... tobari doesn't think even rafayel can deny that it comes almost as easily as breathing. for better or worse.
rafayel pulls his hand away, but tobari is still overly cautious when he's a bit tipsy. his hand hovers at rafayel's back again, though his touch is lighter now. ]
... but I do. I don't think you get to choose who you fall for.
[ tobari should know—again, he feels like he's reaching for someone who's entirely out of the question for him. he waited months because he didn't want to make things more difficult for rafayel, or dare to tread where he didn't belong. at the same time... some selfish part of him still doesn't quite want to give up. ]
That's not to say I don't realize your circumstances are different, or that I'm blind to the history you have with her. [ to say the least! even that feels like an understatement ] ... but I don't think that means this isn't real either.
That'd be enough for me.
[ he doesn't need to be first or to ask too much... but maybe he just doesn't want to be alone in acknowledging that there is a potential in whatever this is. ]
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that honesty is almost worse.
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
it's facebook - it's complicated. ]
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he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
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compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
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the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ so rafayel gets to eat more variety... ]
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tobari chose the venue well. the live music intrigues him and he can't help but find himself humming along. not because he knows the song, but they're composed in perfect enough trajectory that he's basically guessing. filling it in with the gaps of the singer's breaths and the notes they carry all the way to the table. when he sees the chair pulled out for him, he can't help but feel uncharacteristically shy.
stop it.
he stares at tobari as if to silently drive that point in, and yet he doesn't actually end up kicking a fuss. settling into his seat, he reaches out to tobari's face as soon as they sit down. almost like he can't help himself. but, instead of it being a tender touch, he's already patting him on the sides of his cheek. ]
Nice try acting all adult-like in front of me, Mister 21. [ but, he does end up drawing his hands back so he can flip through the menu. decidedly, it's easier than staring into tobari's eyes again. ]
What about you? There's still a lot you haven't tried yet, right?
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"Adult-like"... Isn't it better to let experience speak for itself, Mister Innocent?
[ imagine feeling shy over having his chair pulled out for him... tobari can't help but find that endearing, too. in the end, there's the urge to tease rafayel a little bit more but he is trying to give him even just a little bit more room to breathe... ]
Mm, there's a lot more variety here. Though some things are familiar. [ itehari's cuisine defaults were really so japanese... ] I like the atmosphere of this place in general...
[ slow, intimate, classy bordering on sensual... it's nostalgic to him, even if it's really not quite the same as the red light district ]
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he isnβt scared to see inexperienced in front of him. ] If you keep talking about your experience, you may give me the wrong idea. [ or make him jealous, but he canβt admit that out loud. it felt no different fr a confession, just like now where he canβt help but be envious for the people who can and have seen tobari through this same lens. his relaxed posture, or even how he leans forward just enough to make his heart race.
which is why he should just focus on ordering food. he points it the dishes in which may be more familiar to tobari. maybe it would be like having a date with him on itehari?
same, but different. ] It was a good choice. You look at home, somehow. Maybe youβre adjusting better than you thought.
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[ just so he doesn't feel pressured to drink....
in the end, tobari's answer covers both sentiments, he thinks. to be experienced, to be at home here... he tilts his head and lets his gaze drift over to the live performer. ]
... I think nightlife is what I know best still, for better or worse. So places like this are more comfortable to me than others. A lot of things stay the same. The workers, the performers, the flowing drinks...
[ the human desire to want and be wanted ]
Though it's different to not feel responsible for it all.
[ tobari says this but if an asshole harassed someone in front of him he'd immediately move to deal with it even though he has no right ]
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he's about to say it's a little too late for that, but doesn't manage to get the words out. instead, he swallows them as he eases back into his seat. he listens quietly to tobari's words instead. finding the familiar timbre of his voice a comfort, even as they discuss a topic that no one here would possibly understand...
if you think about it, tobari has been isekai'd twice... ]
Can I take that to mean you like it here...? [ he doesn't dare say the word "better." just as the sea was his home once, no matter how much of a prison it could have felt like, there was something deeper there. inescapable. he's sure itehari will never be removed from tobari in a sense.
regardless, ] No, you don't have to answer that. I'm just glad if you feel a little freer here. It might seem a little aimless at first, but I think you'll find your place. You can find something only you can do here. Something you really want to do.
Oh, but there's no rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.
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rafayel's words get him to huff though, disbelieving ]
Youβll want me out of your hair eventually. Iβm not great at staying still.
[ even trying to get settled over the last few months has made him feel stagnant, even if heβs spent more time fussing over suzune than himself. and she got tired of tobariβs attention especially fast ]
But youβre not wrong Iβll probably pick up something. Even the people around here have been nice, when I was asking around getting things ready for tonight.
[ help for their deito⦠]
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