[ tobari tilts his head faintly at the rollercoaster of emotion but he'll also move his hand from raf's back to guide his chin up for exactly one more kiss ]
If you give yourself a nightmare about us breaking up when I just said we shouldn't, it's not my fault.
[ not this... and after tobari spent the past hour trying to get rafayel to relax
he refuses to lose at the last second even though he doesn't take back anything he said. so he just sighs and presses another kiss to the corner of his mouth ]
I assumed it was one more thing we both shared?
[ barely holds back the urge to call him an idiot ]
Of course I don't ever want to lose you. If I don't say it enough, that's on me. I thought it was a given.
[ the fact that tobari is holding himself together for rafayel's peace is so funny...
actually, he's a little surprised... that tobari doesn't call him an idiot? huh, a mystery. but, it's one that he doesn't dwell on for very long. instead, he focuses on the feeling of his lips and his steady heartbeat. he ends up not pulling away from the kiss, or from tobari's arms. perhaps, indicating he's not actually too upset by all of this.
when tobari speaks, he suddenly presses lips against tobari's a little more roughly. he kisses him several times, before pulling away. ] Instead of that, couldn't you say something different? More than not losing me... I'd rather hear how much you want me.
there's a brief noise of surprise from him, short and cut off, before he just lets himself meet rafayel for the series of kisses that follow. when he hears the request, he blinks slowly once, twice, before letting his lips press against rafayel's just once more. this time when he pulls away, it's barely any space at all—words murmured against rafayel's mouth so they might be felt just as much as they're heard ]
I do want you.
[ plainly said, without all his usual posturing and bluster about how rafayel is also a pain in the ass (he is) (tobari still loves him) ]
More than anything or anyone I've ever wanted before—I can't think of a moment where I don't want you. [ another kiss pressed to raf's cheek, the following sentences said even as tobari kisses a trail to his ear ] When you lose yourself for hours painting, or get excited over a new cake flavor, or try to sneak Suzune a new gift when you think I'm not looking, or when you're lost in thought over something you're not ready to tell me. Every part of you. Every piece.
[ when he does make it to the shell of raf's ear, he pauses—but only very briefly. he doesn't put this string of words together often, preferring to show it in action rather than statement, but if rafayel's in a mood where he'd rather have it said... ]
[ their kisses always leave him a little dizzy, and if he's not careful, he feels like he can be consumed. to be honest, before tobari, he always had the distinct perception that love and pain went hand-in-hand. if someone had ever asked him to produce a metaphor about it— he'd easily compare love to a spice. an inextinguishable burning that remains on the tip of ones tongue. a feeling that was both painful, but also... incredibly addictive.
but, since being with tobari, he gets the impression that maybe love didn't always have to feel that way. like now.
when he hears tobari's confession, he feels a deeper sense of longing despite, tobari being here with him, he wants to be even closer. rafayel stares at tobari with a certain intensity, and despite the way his gaze sticks to him, it also feels like he's searching for something. whether it be his next words, or the lingering promise his words and actions seem to carry. he feels his lips against his ear, and he lets out a soft sigh.
he pulls himself up a bit. ]
I'm the same. I've never thought about bonding with anyone else. I want you to believe that. [ ... ] It sounds dramatic, but... [ he reaches over to grab hold of tobari's hand, he presses it against where his heart is. ] Because of you, my heart can't return to the peace it once knew. And because of you, my heart is beating like this. Can you feel it? [ his own way of saying, he feels the same.
[ tobari lets rafayel guide his hand as he pleases—but also he can’t help but huff out a breath of a laugh. ]
And you’ve never been known to be dramatic a day in your life.
[ teasing, even as he lets his palm lay flat against raf’s chest as if it’ll let him get any closer to holding that heart in his hand. there’s something a bit covetous about it and even tobari can’t help but want to answer that craving feeling of his lover being entirely promised to him. maybe it’s because his default as a person is to expect nothing, and so to be given rafayel is… well, truly everything.
so his expression softens, all his fondness made obvious before he leans up to catch rafayel’s mouth in another kiss. ]
I should take care of you and your heart then, shouldn’t I? If you want to prove it to me some more, I won’t turn you away.
[ if rafayel has gotten worked up to this extent… they were so good in the shower and for what. to trip at the finish line i guess. ]
Rude. [ but it's also not a lie. he can admit to be a of theatrics on occasion, and so he does end up smiling. it felt like tobari was privy to a side of him that he's shown so few... or in some cases, that he hasn't displayed at all. that he keeps reserved and protected for just one special person.
the sensation of tobari's palm on his chest, and the way he feels his own chest rises and falls feels incredibly intimate. when he slots their mouths together in another kiss, rafayel can't help but to lean into it. as soon as tobari is done talking, he releases his hold on his hand and instead grabs the back of his neck. ]
Why are you tempting me? Are you actually a siren sent to seduce me...?
[ there's a roll of his eyes at that, if only because, ] If my goal from the start was to seduce you, I think I could've done a better job of it.
[ what is this, amateur hour? it's more like if rafayel's awake again, then tobari is too. still, he'll stay close, one hand still keeping track of the tempo of raf's heartbeat while his fingertips on his free hand trail along the loose fabric of his open pajama shirt. just idly toying with the idea of keeping it on or taking it off. ]
We can try to go straight to sleep if you think you can manage it, or I can tire you out if you don't. Pick your poison, Raf.
Would you? Maybe your target was more charming than you anticipated? Maybe they also had an otherworldly allure and you couldn't help but be dumbfounded? [ he says as he lets the pajama shirt slide off one of his shoulders, he looks at the bare skin exposed before looking back at tobari.
that said, it takes a second before he's letting go of him and pulling his shirt back up. ] I can't have you thinking I always fall asleep after doing it. So I'll let you off the hook this time.
this reasoning for giving up makes him laugh outright ]
If you aren't that satisfied after, I don't think I'd be doing my job.
[ but he'll also let it go, even if all this means is that he's wrapping his arms around raf again to pull him back down to actually get back into a comfy enough position to sleep. ]
Come on, charming headache of mine. The sun'll be up before you get any rest at this rate.
he's about to argue that there's a distinct difference between being content and being completely pushed to their limits, but he doesn't end up clarifying. instead, he curls in closer, also letting his hand rest on tobari's body. ]
[ mumbles under his breath 'not how it works' but he doesn't want to actually bicker anymore... and honestly now that he's closing his eyes he can't help but yawn. it's about his bedtime real now...
but he'll still curl in closer to rafayel by default anyway.
give me the timeskip to assassin times, bijou. even though it's probably funny when the next morning there's a report of a fire at some rich person's summer vacation home after there was an accusation of human trafficking wow noooo wild how that happened. more people just keep dying or having their second or third spare mansions destroyed what a weird conicidence ]
[ maybe for once, he isn't plagued with the the continuation of the same dream. the sensation of drowning, which is both ironic, and an oddly fitting retribution against a sea god who had failed to truly liberate his people. when he returns to sleep, he actually isn't sure what dreams his mind conjures up against him, but when he wakes... he gets the feeling it wasn't a bad one.
...
days like that continue on. at least, until the nightmares inevitably return as they always do.
maybe it's finally the night before the big event he's asked tobari to follow him to. between that moment and now, the news has been littered with talks of mysterious deaths and/or the increasing arson cases cropping up in the city. apparently, they seem to strike only those in high society attached to the most unsavory rumors. rafayel could care less what happens to them, if anything, he's more surprised by the occasional overlap in his own goals. the fires make for the perfect opening. who doesn't like rumors of the rich getting their just desserts, and so he takes the mysterious fire-starters as a sign of divine will. ... or, well, there's probably a thought they both have.
an inkling of something they both seem keen on ignoring. rafayel understands tobari has his secrets and so does he. it's why he doesn't press him, but at the same time, he does wonder if the day he tells him is coming sooner than later.
that said, right now they're in the town he's lived in before arriving in linkon city. they're in an older apartment that rafayel said he used to live in. compared to the home that sits nestled on a private island in whitesand bay, this place feels a little less polished, and a bit more conservative. rafayel has mostly been busy sorting through old artworks. if tobari notices, they're very similar in style to rafayel's, but a little different somehow.
still, he's been oddly quiet since they've started cleaning this place up. he only breaks this silence to tilt his head in his direction. ] Sorry this place was just collecting dust. I should have thought about that before suggesting to stay here for the duration of our trip.
[ the ironic thing is that while tobari understands why murder is an answer for some people, it's not something he personally encourages. if it means risking the whole operation if they let one person go—fine, he'll be the one to pull the trigger. but when a series of other mysterious deaths pop up alongside the fires, sometimes the other guys ask 'tobari, have you considered doing something more straightforward like that?' but—in the end, he lacks conviction. he's naive and soft-hearted enough to not want more blood on his hands if he can help it, or on the hands of anyone associated with him.
he wonders if the person (or persons?) running the other side of things sleeps okay at night.
there won't be any acts of arson while tobari is gone, but that's fine. what's a week's gap? the apartment is hilariously probably more tobari's speed than rafayel's private home, and he's in the middle of pausing in his own work to generally spruce up and clear out the dust to tie his hair up into a ponytail so it's fully out of his face when rafayel breaks the silence. he glances over and shakes his head ]
S'fine. [ it seems like it holds memories for raf... ] Though you'll have to tell me more about it.
About this place...? [ there's a pause, as he looks to the ceiling. even on the ceiling, there are paintings. it's like the person who used to live here was under some type of spell, and almost every single space here seems to be filled with paint materials, or sketches. when he does, he gives a small chuckle. ]
I used to live here with... someone who I guess you could say was my art teacher. [ he gives a shrug. ] Kind of weird to imagine, right? The artwork here, though... you might be able to tell, it's not mine. Back then, I couldn't even bring myself to paint.
I guess I was pretty down. I was finally here, where I always wanted to be, but it wasn't exactly the right circumstances. [ the surface world was terrifying in a lot of different ways, especially after he knew what cruelty people were truly capable of, and yet. ]
... mm. It can be tough realigning expectations with reality as is.
[ tobari doesn't often get homesick for a place—but rather for a time. for people. when things might've felt simpler. though even that's a passing feeling, considering how rich he feels in his life now.
still... ghosts have a way of creeping up on you. ]
[ what tobari says is likely accurate to what he felt.
the disconnection. the apathy. he really was just a walking corpse of a person going through the motions of what could have been perceived as living a normal life. but, the fact that tobari can even understand this part of him, he smiles just a little. ] Mmm, that's right. Back then, my teacher would force me on all kinds of errands to try and get me out of the house. I used to think he was so frivolous and carefree.
[ but, maybe that was his way of showing concern. ]
[ hmmm. tobari will finish up arranging the clutter in the area that he's working in, then going to sit by raf—not for any great reason or purpose. just to be a little nearer to him while he's recounting his memories in this place. tobari looks around as he listens, trying to imagine the scenes in his head as raf speaks. ]
Ah... Or maybe he wanted you to go out and see more of the world that you'd wanted to reach. Both the good and bad parts of it.
while realizing that, rafayel still shakes his head. ] Nah, he was too simple-minded for that. All he cared about is alcohol and painting, you know. He was a total pain to carry home when he was drunk. [ but, he does finish sorting out the section of loose sketches and he neatly packs them away. ]
Anyway, are you ready for the best seafood dinner tonight?
[ tobari just makes a faintly amused sound at the mention. when rafayel finishes packing away the sketches, he'll reach out just to run his fingers through his bangs and then lightly fix his hair as an excuse just to touch him ]
I'm still glad the old lush could teach you.
[ he also loves raf's art, though it's more accurate to say he likes watching the process of raf paint more than the art itself even if he does always find it impressive ]
Me too. [ there's nothing remotely sad about his expression, but there is a brief pause, like he's lost in thought. when tobari reaches to brush his fringe from his face, he does end up dipping his head just slightly as if to make it easier for him to touch him. ]
I'll finish clearing these boxes, and then we can head out. [ that said, he does look at the television. they seem to be discussing the event they're heading to tomorrow. a grand birthday party for someone who also seems to love art and owns several hundreds of vineyards across the world.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I think a breakup would humble you, though.
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If you give yourself a nightmare about us breaking up when I just said we shouldn't, it's not my fault.
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[ hmph.
not him ending the night pouting... but, being given a kiss does alleviate some of his desire to be a pain in the ass. ]
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he refuses to lose at the last second even though he doesn't take back anything he said. so he just sighs and presses another kiss to the corner of his mouth ]
I assumed it was one more thing we both shared?
[ barely holds back the urge to call him an idiot ]
Of course I don't ever want to lose you. If I don't say it enough, that's on me. I thought it was a given.
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actually, he's a little surprised... that tobari doesn't call him an idiot? huh, a mystery. but, it's one that he doesn't dwell on for very long. instead, he focuses on the feeling of his lips and his steady heartbeat. he ends up not pulling away from the kiss, or from tobari's arms. perhaps, indicating he's not actually too upset by all of this.
when tobari speaks, he suddenly presses lips against tobari's a little more roughly. he kisses him several times, before pulling away. ] Instead of that, couldn't you say something different? More than not losing me... I'd rather hear how much you want me.
[ love him... ]
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there's a brief noise of surprise from him, short and cut off, before he just lets himself meet rafayel for the series of kisses that follow. when he hears the request, he blinks slowly once, twice, before letting his lips press against rafayel's just once more. this time when he pulls away, it's barely any space at all—words murmured against rafayel's mouth so they might be felt just as much as they're heard ]
I do want you.
[ plainly said, without all his usual posturing and bluster about how rafayel is also a pain in the ass (he is) (tobari still loves him) ]
More than anything or anyone I've ever wanted before—I can't think of a moment where I don't want you. [ another kiss pressed to raf's cheek, the following sentences said even as tobari kisses a trail to his ear ] When you lose yourself for hours painting, or get excited over a new cake flavor, or try to sneak Suzune a new gift when you think I'm not looking, or when you're lost in thought over something you're not ready to tell me. Every part of you. Every piece.
[ when he does make it to the shell of raf's ear, he pauses—but only very briefly. he doesn't put this string of words together often, preferring to show it in action rather than statement, but if rafayel's in a mood where he'd rather have it said... ]
I really do love you, you know.
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but, since being with tobari, he gets the impression that maybe love didn't always have to feel that way. like now.
when he hears tobari's confession, he feels a deeper sense of longing despite, tobari being here with him, he wants to be even closer. rafayel stares at tobari with a certain intensity, and despite the way his gaze sticks to him, it also feels like he's searching for something. whether it be his next words, or the lingering promise his words and actions seem to carry. he feels his lips against his ear, and he lets out a soft sigh.
he pulls himself up a bit. ]
I'm the same. I've never thought about bonding with anyone else. I want you to believe that. [ ... ] It sounds dramatic, but... [ he reaches over to grab hold of tobari's hand, he presses it against where his heart is. ] Because of you, my heart can't return to the peace it once knew. And because of you, my heart is beating like this. Can you feel it? [ his own way of saying, he feels the same.
enough to apparently lose sleep over it. ]
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And you’ve never been known to be dramatic a day in your life.
[ teasing, even as he lets his palm lay flat against raf’s chest as if it’ll let him get any closer to holding that heart in his hand. there’s something a bit covetous about it and even tobari can’t help but want to answer that craving feeling of his lover being entirely promised to him. maybe it’s because his default as a person is to expect nothing, and so to be given rafayel is… well, truly everything.
so his expression softens, all his fondness made obvious before he leans up to catch rafayel’s mouth in another kiss. ]
I should take care of you and your heart then, shouldn’t I? If you want to prove it to me some more, I won’t turn you away.
[ if rafayel has gotten worked up to this extent… they were so good in the shower and for what. to trip at the finish line i guess. ]
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the sensation of tobari's palm on his chest, and the way he feels his own chest rises and falls feels incredibly intimate. when he slots their mouths together in another kiss, rafayel can't help but to lean into it. as soon as tobari is done talking, he releases his hold on his hand and instead grabs the back of his neck. ]
Why are you tempting me? Are you actually a siren sent to seduce me...?
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[ what is this, amateur hour? it's more like if rafayel's awake again, then tobari is too. still, he'll stay close, one hand still keeping track of the tempo of raf's heartbeat while his fingertips on his free hand trail along the loose fabric of his open pajama shirt. just idly toying with the idea of keeping it on or taking it off. ]
We can try to go straight to sleep if you think you can manage it, or I can tire you out if you don't. Pick your poison, Raf.
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that said, it takes a second before he's letting go of him and pulling his shirt back up. ] I can't have you thinking I always fall asleep after doing it. So I'll let you off the hook this time.
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this reasoning for giving up makes him laugh outright ]
If you aren't that satisfied after, I don't think I'd be doing my job.
[ but he'll also let it go, even if all this means is that he's wrapping his arms around raf again to pull him back down to actually get back into a comfy enough position to sleep. ]
Come on, charming headache of mine. The sun'll be up before you get any rest at this rate.
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he's about to argue that there's a distinct difference between being content and being completely pushed to their limits, but he doesn't end up clarifying. instead, he curls in closer, also letting his hand rest on tobari's body. ]
You too. Close your eyes. I'll be watching you.
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but he'll still curl in closer to rafayel by default anyway.
give me the timeskip to assassin times, bijou. even though it's probably funny when the next morning there's a report of a fire at some rich person's summer vacation home after there was an accusation of human trafficking wow noooo wild how that happened. more people just keep dying or having their second or third spare mansions destroyed what a weird conicidence ]
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...
days like that continue on. at least, until the nightmares inevitably return as they always do.
maybe it's finally the night before the big event he's asked tobari to follow him to. between that moment and now, the news has been littered with talks of mysterious deaths and/or the increasing arson cases cropping up in the city. apparently, they seem to strike only those in high society attached to the most unsavory rumors. rafayel could care less what happens to them, if anything, he's more surprised by the occasional overlap in his own goals. the fires make for the perfect opening. who doesn't like rumors of the rich getting their just desserts, and so he takes the mysterious fire-starters as a sign of divine will. ... or, well, there's probably a thought they both have.
an inkling of something they both seem keen on ignoring. rafayel understands tobari has his secrets and so does he. it's why he doesn't press him, but at the same time, he does wonder if the day he tells him is coming sooner than later.
that said, right now they're in the town he's lived in before arriving in linkon city. they're in an older apartment that rafayel said he used to live in. compared to the home that sits nestled on a private island in whitesand bay, this place feels a little less polished, and a bit more conservative. rafayel has mostly been busy sorting through old artworks. if tobari notices, they're very similar in style to rafayel's, but a little different somehow.
still, he's been oddly quiet since they've started cleaning this place up. he only breaks this silence to tilt his head in his direction. ] Sorry this place was just collecting dust. I should have thought about that before suggesting to stay here for the duration of our trip.
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he wonders if the person (or persons?) running the other side of things sleeps okay at night.
there won't be any acts of arson while tobari is gone, but that's fine. what's a week's gap? the apartment is hilariously probably more tobari's speed than rafayel's private home, and he's in the middle of pausing in his own work to generally spruce up and clear out the dust to tie his hair up into a ponytail so it's fully out of his face when rafayel breaks the silence. he glances over and shakes his head ]
S'fine. [ it seems like it holds memories for raf... ] Though you'll have to tell me more about it.
[ he can't deny he's curious ]
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I used to live here with... someone who I guess you could say was my art teacher. [ he gives a shrug. ] Kind of weird to imagine, right? The artwork here, though... you might be able to tell, it's not mine. Back then, I couldn't even bring myself to paint.
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Couldn't...?
[ he can have a guess at the timeline, all things considered, but he still can't help but sound concerned ]
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Isn't it normal to get homesick sometimes?
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[ tobari doesn't often get homesick for a place—but rather for a time. for people. when things might've felt simpler. though even that's a passing feeling, considering how rich he feels in his life now.
still... ghosts have a way of creeping up on you. ]
So it took you a while to pick up painting?
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the disconnection. the apathy. he really was just a walking corpse of a person going through the motions of what could have been perceived as living a normal life. but, the fact that tobari can even understand this part of him, he smiles just a little. ] Mmm, that's right. Back then, my teacher would force me on all kinds of errands to try and get me out of the house. I used to think he was so frivolous and carefree.
[ but, maybe that was his way of showing concern. ]
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Ah... Or maybe he wanted you to go out and see more of the world that you'd wanted to reach. Both the good and bad parts of it.
[ he shrugs ]
But you'd know better than I would.
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while realizing that, rafayel still shakes his head. ] Nah, he was too simple-minded for that. All he cared about is alcohol and painting, you know. He was a total pain to carry home when he was drunk. [ but, he does finish sorting out the section of loose sketches and he neatly packs them away. ]
Anyway, are you ready for the best seafood dinner tonight?
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I'm still glad the old lush could teach you.
[ he also loves raf's art, though it's more accurate to say he likes watching the process of raf paint more than the art itself even if he does always find it impressive ]
Ah. I'm hungrier than I thought I'd be.
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I'll finish clearing these boxes, and then we can head out. [ that said, he does look at the television. they seem to be discussing the event they're heading to tomorrow. a grand birthday party for someone who also seems to love art and owns several hundreds of vineyards across the world.
two criminals... always watching the news ]
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