[ the unsolicited dating advice is like me trying to be yaoi prophet for you
rafayel does end up tilting his head from afar, as if trying to ask what his association was with them, and the depth of it. he supposed that was a question for later. he shouldn't be too surprised that tobari was fairly proficient in creating bonds; whether it be purgatory or here. though, the thought does linger on his brain for a bit, before he ends up focusing on the way that tobari really does take such a practiced sip of their drink. a reminder for him to make a fuss of that in the future.
for now, he also uses his finger to touch the corner of tobari's lip. so softly that it may have not actually made contact at all. as quickly as it comes, rafayel turns back to the screen. he takes one large gulp of the drink before setting it down on the counter closest to the game. ]
Anyone can use a gun. You do know that, right? [ sorry miss bodyguard.
but, also sorry that rafayel is getting his dare. ]
[ i've decided that this bartender is yves and have been writing him as such so yea i think yves would also try to be a yaoi prophet. yves loves love....
there's so much to make a fuss about—but apparently it all serves to get rafayel a near perfect score at the game while tobari does hilariously bad. he's startled at just how different the calibration is between this fake gun and a real gun, so that's about what he gets for trying to rig it so heavily in his favor. the overconfidence... ]
... huh.
[ he's impressed but also baffled ]
Guess I deserved that.
[ even if he will figure out a way to get revenge later in a much worse fashion......... he really gave raf a fair chance to get this dare and he got it!!!!
as if to brace himself against whatever the dare is going to be, tobari is going to pick up their shared drink and take another swig of it. wash down the taste of defeat, loser ]
[ i can't believe this is all i know about yves...
being competitive by nature, it's easy to see the way in which rafayel's body language immediately shifts into something a little more proud. considering he just destroyed tobari, there's an easygoing grin that makes its way on his face, especially as he nudges him a little with his forearm. ]
Weren't you like suuuuper confident just now?
[ but, he does feel a little bad when his eyes go back to the screen and then back at tobari's face. just a little.
though, that doesn't mean he isn't about to pull his phone from his back pocket and start adding furry kittens and a headband into the cart for same day delivery. these two concepts are not mutually exclusive. who knew. ]
Don't worry, I can't cash in immediately. [ turning the screen back to tobari so he can see what he ordered... ]
[ this is really all you need to know about yves he's a loverboy first and foremost and a person second
tobari at least isn't a sore loser—if anything, it's been a long time since he's been humbled so entirely so he's more amused than anything. the pride from rafayel just makes him roll his eyes good-naturedly ]
Maybe it'll make my comeback more satisfying.
[ for some reason he's convinced he'll win in the future
but at the INSANE CART CHOICE, HE'LL SHOOT THE MOST ANNOYED LOOK IN THE WORLD AT RAFAYEL. THE DARE IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE DEFEAT. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS FOR. ]
[ his hand comes up to catch rafayel by the face, pulling him down just enough for their faces to get so close, tobari's expression turning defiant before he even knows what the dare is ]
Are you trying to make me into a pet? Do you want to get bit so badly?
the fact that tobari can brush it off probably speaks volumes to what kind of person he is, and rafayel can't help but find that part of him just as alluring. you know, even if he's absolutely going to make him do a little cat dance while wearing furry mittens and a headband.
actually, he thinks he should have also added a cute collar with a bell too... but, he holds back. at least that much.
do you want to know who isn't holding back, though???? tobari????
when rafayel's face gets snatched up, he does blink at tobari a few times. the abashment ends up settling in a few seconds too late as his ears flush. he can feel himself struggling to keep it together, and yet he still tries to push through. he tempers his own expression and the erratic beating of his heart. ]
... Dunno, you seem like a bad pet already. [ going to reach out and try and touch tobari's cheek. ]
I mean, you won't even let me touch you. [ since he hates lads head pats... ]
[ tobari is a graceful loser except for the fact that if you push him too far he will try to make it clear who's in charge. so maybe he's not a graceful loser at all?
rafayel's not wrong, though. tobari would make a horrible pet. terribly independent and prone to withholding his affections just because—and then delivering them like this, as a surprise, just to make problems. his own expression turns mischievous, the curve of his mouth lifting as if to invite challenge. rafayel can touch his cheek, and he'll tilt his head just ever so slightly to meet his touch. ]
Won't I?
[ his voice lowers as if offering a promise ]
Pretty sure I said if you had better ideas, I'd let you. Surely you can think of something if you want me so badly.
[ he didn't need to say it like that... well rafayel told him not to hold back on this date and tobari's not afraid of being bold
even if whether rafayel would act on those wants is the real question here, tobari thinks. ]
[ he realizes belatedly that he's nearly forgot to breathe for a second. the thought strikes him suddenly as he swallows hard. he isn't sure if it comes from the residual nerves from the night he's spent overthinking, or if it's just that he's entirely caught off-guard. even knowing this likely was just another act of rebellion by tobari, he can't help but feel a little hotter.
he makes a show of clearing his throat, albeit awkwardly. ] Badly? You might need to get your eyes checked. Last I recall, you also... [ his hand gently feels tobari's cheek, and then gently reaches to touch the lobe of his ears, then the tip of it, before he drops his hand. ]
Anyway, do you really want to do this in front of your friend there? You looked close. [ he's mostly teasing. but, maybe he's also just petty enough to bring this up here, yeah. ]
[ sure, it's an act of rebellion because he's mad about petplay, but he also means every word. rafayel getting momentarily tongue-tied is more than satisfying enough for him, something he's chalking up as his victory to balance out the crushing defeat he suffered over the arcade game. his eyes light up with mischief when rafayel gives in to touching him just a bit more, tilting his head into the touch while it lasts.
speaking of close, tobari smiles before he leans in impossibly closer, lips just a few scant centimeters away from rafayel's. ]
I don't mind. Isn't it better for everyone to know who I came here with? That you're the one I want to be closest to.
[ rudely appeals to rafayel's cagefish tendencies on purpose.
but he'll finish playing soon after, finally letting go of rafayel and stepping back to give him room to breathe. ]
Well, you're not wrong I'd rather keep some things private. [ goes back to just catching rafayel's hand in his own. safer? ] I think there's some drink left. You wanna finish it off before we go?
[ PETPLAY!!!!!! you're right though, i guess it is kind of petplay. how did i not realize this
unfortunately, tobari is right. the words do appeal to him. had they been in private, and had he been entering ebb day, he may not have been able to control his scales from peeking up the side of his neck as a sign of delight. as it stands, he's glad he can retain that shred of self-control.
as for his dignity? that may have been lost cause from the start. ]
Correction, I should be the only one.
[ the only one he's close with at all. at least, in terms of this type of relationship. though, he refuses to clarify on that point, even internally. he decides to pack that away alongside any other emotion he may have felt. so it's as relief when tobari gives him that space to.
even if rafayel grasps his hand like it's a life line. what is the truth... ]
I'll drink. [ he leans in, as if telling tobari to hold it up to him. this is also still very spoiled behavior. ]
[ tobari doesn't know that it's for a dance............... he just assumes this is some kind of insane twisted petplay because rafayel doesn't even like cats?
as is, he raises a brow at the correction—in the same breath, he lets rafayel retreat. tobari wouldn't mind that, but isn't this date just part of showing that he's serious about his intentions? it's just up to rafayel if he wants to keep playing along with it or not. ]
Pretty sure that's up to you, Raf.
[ if he wants all of tobari's attention, then he can have it
though all signs currently point to yes... they are just ending up more of a mess. despite this, tobari rolls his eyes with too much fondness, reaching for the glass that has just enough for one more satisfying gulp in it and lifting it to rafayel's mouth easily. tobari never entertained guests himself in the red light district, but the motions come familiarly to him nonetheless. ]
except, maybe fiction in this case is more frightening than reality, because the cat dance could be perceived as worse? at any rate, he can't help but feel a little anxious at tobari's words.
"that's up to you."
he never thought there'd be a day where that shred of what could be perceived as freedom felt so much... heavier than anything else. he's sure this is tobari's way of saying that he could dictate the pace and intensity of their relationship, but the answer still isn't entirely obvious to him. in the end, it's a decision he defers for now, instead putting his lips to the brim of the cup as he drinks down the last of their drink. ] You really know what I want.
[ the drink, he means.
but, he guesses that could be misleading. kind of like how he's already pressing his shoulder up against tobari's. he is feeling a little buzzed now, admittedly. though... if he's being honest, he also just wants to be closer to tobari. even if he feels like he may change his mind as soon as tomorrow. ]
it's funny because tobari doesn't know what rafayel wants at all. realistically, he's pretty sure he wants to be with that woman—but tobari has spent his time watching to see if the feeling was mutual. it's always been his opinion that if you're not wanted back, you should move on.
which is what led them here—because tobari can survive rafayel wanting someone else so long as he wants tobari too... but does he? or is this just for fun? is it just a result of tobari knowing a little too well how to be a good date and how to keep someone occupied? maybe it's his fault for muddling things between that line of love and lust—
maybe they really will be heterosexual housemates. or maybe tobari will be the one who has to move on... but the night is still young and they'll have forever to talk about that, won't they? so he puts it off too. in the end, he's just selfish enough to want to enjoy this even if some part of him is wondering if one night is all he's gonna get.
so he takes rafayel's weight when he comes in closer, laughing faintly as his fingers comes up to gently brush against his cheek. he'll let go of rafayel's hand, but only so that he can instead steady him with gentle pressure at the small of his back ]
You really can't hold your liquor, huh? I'll have to cut you off here.
Come on. Let's get some actual dinner.
[ and then he'll guide raf out of the barcade.... they can bring their octopus plush son with them. tobari will pick up the other toys tomorrow to bring them home ]
[ if only rafayel could adopt a similar philosophy...
for as simple as the solutions to life's most difficult problems tended to be, rafayel was prone to overthinking. even now, his brain is in a constant state of overdrive. he can't help but to read into every single one of tobari's words. or even his touch, like now. when he feels his hand against his back, he can already feel his body heating up, and he feels a bit like he did back in purgatory in that hotel lobby.
except... this time, he isn't under some curse.
he clears his throat a little, as if to feign retaining some sort of control over himself. ] Excuse you, I hold it just fine. You just happen to gulp it down like you're a fish. That's not my fault. [ but, he does allow himself to be lead out, even if he does hold the octopus a little higher as if to block his face. ]
[ blocking his face is... so cute. rafayel is... so cute. tobari at least doesn't comment actively on it, instead guiding rafayel out and making sure no one's close enough to bump into him on th eway like he's done this a million times before. the air is already starting to cool down with the evening and the setting sun by the time they get outside, and tobari walks them both down the street to their next destination. ]
Ah, they'd always goad me into drinking with them at the district, even if I was working. Worked to build my tolerance fast, if nothing else.
[ but it's still endearing that just this much was enough to get raf tipsy... ]
Well, don't get too caught up on your weird dare. You still have two more scrolls to cash in if you want to.
[ a secret and a question... he'll try to help with a topic change even if he's not sure what's got rafayel embarrassed this time... ]
Aren't you too young to be that experienced in drinking? [ he says as he gradually draws the plushie a little lower. still, he feels the way tobari gently steers him through the crowd, and even when he's a little buzzed, he isn't afraid of following his lead.
that said, it's hard for rafayel not to feel like itehari was a place that didn't agree with his own sensibilities. making tobari drink like that at a young age on top of all his other hardships... suzune's too. it just didn't sit well with him. ... and yet, he knows how precious of a place it was to tobari. so he swallows those thoughts. ]
In the abyss and in the district, you grow up fast.
[ but! that's not as fun to talk about. tobari is overly familiar with too many things that others would find upsetting or perhaps too mature, but that's all he's ever known. they live fast and die young, and it's hard to say they even do it well.
so he instead allows himself to just go with the topic change: ]
Ah. Go ahead.
[ he has no idea what raf might want to ask him at all ]
[ he can tell it's probably not a topic tobari wants to delve into. at least, not in the middle of a date.
... which, is still a strange concept for him to swallow, and yet when they walk together like this, it doesn't feel unnatural in the slightest.
maybe that's why he ends up asking the question he does. ]
Do you think we could always be like this...? [ it's not exactly the question he's actually thinking of at all, and yet they're the words that flow into him at the moment. he wonders if tobari could picture them together like this? would they have a different relationship in time?
he can't help but wonder if tobari really wants him, or if this may just be a fleeting passion for the one person who just couldn't let him go. ]
tobari tilts head, not bothering to hide his confusion. ]
Yeah?
[ said like⦠duh?
though that sounds more dismissive than he intendedβ¦ but that must mean his sentiments havenβt come through clearly enough, huh? ]
I guess I havenβt been direct enough if youβre still asking. Thatβs my bad. [ so might as well make it clearer? they stop at a street corner, waiting for the walk signal, and tobari moves his hand from rafayelβs back to instead reach for his hand instead. he brings it up so that he can brush a kiss against the back of his knuckles. light but undeniable. ] I think we could be. I think itβd be easy. Easier than I ever expected.
[ to choose rafayel. to be with him and to let more of his attention be centered on one personβs happiness than all the worldβs benefit. ]
admittedly, he is slightly intoxicated, and it probably shows in the almost languid way he tilts his head. but, before he struggles to ask for clarification, tobari ends up beating him to the punch. the kiss on the back of his hand isn't necessarily sudden, but it stops his heart in a similar way. he isn't sure if it's just shock though that gets his heart rate rising.
he's trying not to show his embarrassment, or the fact that he feels... both touched, and a little sorry. he falls silent, before he turns his head away, trying his best not to make eye contact. to be honest, he feels like it'd be over if he did.
but, contrary to the way he might have been setting himself up to keep their relationship ambiguous, he does end up squeezing down on tobari's fingers. he slides his palm over tobari's and gives it a final squeeze before drawing away. in this moment he's thankful to the alcohol in which he can blame his flushed cheeks on. ]
You're strangely optimistic about this. [ ... ]
If that was soooo obvious, can I ask you another? [ he doesn't wait for a response. ] Do you believe in a second love?
I don't know if I'd call it optimism. I don't actually expect you to say yes. I was just answering your question.
[ if he's being honest? and tobari is prone to honesty, at least when it comes to matters like this. his tempered expectations of rafayel's answer don't change the fact that the actual act of being together feels easy... even if the steps that it'd take to get there might still require more time. if this was a test, a temperature check, of how the rest of their time together could be... tobari doesn't think even rafayel can deny that it comes almost as easily as breathing. for better or worse.
rafayel pulls his hand away, but tobari is still overly cautious when he's a bit tipsy. his hand hovers at rafayel's back again, though his touch is lighter now. ]
... but I do. I don't think you get to choose who you fall for.
[ tobari should know—again, he feels like he's reaching for someone who's entirely out of the question for him. he waited months because he didn't want to make things more difficult for rafayel, or dare to tread where he didn't belong. at the same time... some selfish part of him still doesn't quite want to give up. ]
That's not to say I don't realize your circumstances are different, or that I'm blind to the history you have with her. [ to say the least! even that feels like an understatement ] ... but I don't think that means this isn't real either.
That'd be enough for me.
[ he doesn't need to be first or to ask too much... but maybe he just doesn't want to be alone in acknowledging that there is a potential in whatever this is. ]
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
[ the touch is almost too tender for comfort. there's an intimacy behind in which only they may know the depth of. despite being the type riddled with insecurities about his identity, or even the burdens he carries on his metaphorical shoulders— he feels like tobari provides him a clarity that he genuinely doesn't deserve.
compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
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rafayel does end up tilting his head from afar, as if trying to ask what his association was with them, and the depth of it. he supposed that was a question for later. he shouldn't be too surprised that tobari was fairly proficient in creating bonds; whether it be purgatory or here. though, the thought does linger on his brain for a bit, before he ends up focusing on the way that tobari really does take such a practiced sip of their drink. a reminder for him to make a fuss of that in the future.
for now, he also uses his finger to touch the corner of tobari's lip. so softly that it may have not actually made contact at all. as quickly as it comes, rafayel turns back to the screen. he takes one large gulp of the drink before setting it down on the counter closest to the game. ]
Anyone can use a gun. You do know that, right? [ sorry miss bodyguard.
but, also sorry that rafayel is getting his dare. ]
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there's so much to make a fuss about—but apparently it all serves to get rafayel a near perfect score at the game while tobari does hilariously bad. he's startled at just how different the calibration is between this fake gun and a real gun, so that's about what he gets for trying to rig it so heavily in his favor. the overconfidence... ]
... huh.
[ he's impressed but also baffled ]
Guess I deserved that.
[ even if he will figure out a way to get revenge later in a much worse fashion......... he really gave raf a fair chance to get this dare and he got it!!!!
as if to brace himself against whatever the dare is going to be, tobari is going to pick up their shared drink and take another swig of it. wash down the taste of defeat, loser ]
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being competitive by nature, it's easy to see the way in which rafayel's body language immediately shifts into something a little more proud. considering he just destroyed tobari, there's an easygoing grin that makes its way on his face, especially as he nudges him a little with his forearm. ]
Weren't you like suuuuper confident just now?
[ but, he does feel a little bad when his eyes go back to the screen and then back at tobari's face. just a little.
though, that doesn't mean he isn't about to pull his phone from his back pocket and start adding furry kittens and a headband into the cart for same day delivery. these two concepts are not mutually exclusive. who knew. ]
Don't worry, I can't cash in immediately. [ turning the screen back to tobari so he can see what he ordered... ]
[1/2]
tobari at least isn't a sore loser—if anything, it's been a long time since he's been humbled so entirely so he's more amused than anything. the pride from rafayel just makes him roll his eyes good-naturedly ]
Maybe it'll make my comeback more satisfying.
[ for some reason he's convinced he'll win in the future
but at the INSANE CART CHOICE, HE'LL SHOOT THE MOST ANNOYED LOOK IN THE WORLD AT RAFAYEL. THE DARE IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE DEFEAT. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS FOR. ]
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Are you trying to make me into a pet? Do you want to get bit so badly?
[ he's lashing out ]
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the fact that tobari can brush it off probably speaks volumes to what kind of person he is, and rafayel can't help but find that part of him just as alluring. you know, even if he's absolutely going to make him do a little cat dance while wearing furry mittens and a headband.
actually, he thinks he should have also added a cute collar with a bell too... but, he holds back. at least that much.
do you want to know who isn't holding back, though???? tobari????
when rafayel's face gets snatched up, he does blink at tobari a few times. the abashment ends up settling in a few seconds too late as his ears flush. he can feel himself struggling to keep it together, and yet he still tries to push through. he tempers his own expression and the erratic beating of his heart. ]
... Dunno, you seem like a bad pet already. [ going to reach out and try and touch tobari's cheek. ]
I mean, you won't even let me touch you. [ since he hates lads head pats... ]
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rafayel's not wrong, though. tobari would make a horrible pet. terribly independent and prone to withholding his affections just because—and then delivering them like this, as a surprise, just to make problems. his own expression turns mischievous, the curve of his mouth lifting as if to invite challenge. rafayel can touch his cheek, and he'll tilt his head just ever so slightly to meet his touch. ]
Won't I?
[ his voice lowers as if offering a promise ]
Pretty sure I said if you had better ideas, I'd let you. Surely you can think of something if you want me so badly.
[ he didn't need to say it like that... well rafayel told him not to hold back on this date and tobari's not afraid of being bold
even if whether rafayel would act on those wants is the real question here, tobari thinks. ]
no subject
he makes a show of clearing his throat, albeit awkwardly. ] Badly? You might need to get your eyes checked. Last I recall, you also... [ his hand gently feels tobari's cheek, and then gently reaches to touch the lobe of his ears, then the tip of it, before he drops his hand. ]
Anyway, do you really want to do this in front of your friend there? You looked close. [ he's mostly teasing. but, maybe he's also just petty enough to bring this up here, yeah. ]
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speaking of close, tobari smiles before he leans in impossibly closer, lips just a few scant centimeters away from rafayel's. ]
I don't mind. Isn't it better for everyone to know who I came here with? That you're the one I want to be closest to.
[ rudely appeals to rafayel's cagefish tendencies on purpose.
but he'll finish playing soon after, finally letting go of rafayel and stepping back to give him room to breathe. ]
Well, you're not wrong I'd rather keep some things private. [ goes back to just catching rafayel's hand in his own. safer? ] I think there's some drink left. You wanna finish it off before we go?
no subject
unfortunately, tobari is right. the words do appeal to him. had they been in private, and had he been entering ebb day, he may not have been able to control his scales from peeking up the side of his neck as a sign of delight. as it stands, he's glad he can retain that shred of self-control.
as for his dignity? that may have been lost cause from the start. ]
Correction, I should be the only one.
[ the only one he's close with at all. at least, in terms of this type of relationship. though, he refuses to clarify on that point, even internally. he decides to pack that away alongside any other emotion he may have felt. so it's as relief when tobari gives him that space to.
even if rafayel grasps his hand like it's a life line. what is the truth... ]
I'll drink. [ he leans in, as if telling tobari to hold it up to him. this is also still very spoiled behavior. ]
no subject
as is, he raises a brow at the correction—in the same breath, he lets rafayel retreat. tobari wouldn't mind that, but isn't this date just part of showing that he's serious about his intentions? it's just up to rafayel if he wants to keep playing along with it or not. ]
Pretty sure that's up to you, Raf.
[ if he wants all of tobari's attention, then he can have it
though all signs currently point to yes... they are just ending up more of a mess. despite this, tobari rolls his eyes with too much fondness, reaching for the glass that has just enough for one more satisfying gulp in it and lifting it to rafayel's mouth easily. tobari never entertained guests himself in the red light district, but the motions come familiarly to him nonetheless. ]
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except, maybe fiction in this case is more frightening than reality, because the cat dance could be perceived as worse? at any rate, he can't help but feel a little anxious at tobari's words.
"that's up to you."
he never thought there'd be a day where that shred of what could be perceived as freedom felt so much... heavier than anything else. he's sure this is tobari's way of saying that he could dictate the pace and intensity of their relationship, but the answer still isn't entirely obvious to him. in the end, it's a decision he defers for now, instead putting his lips to the brim of the cup as he drinks down the last of their drink. ] You really know what I want.
[ the drink, he means.
but, he guesses that could be misleading. kind of like how he's already pressing his shoulder up against tobari's. he is feeling a little buzzed now, admittedly. though... if he's being honest, he also just wants to be closer to tobari. even if he feels like he may change his mind as soon as tomorrow. ]
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it's funny because tobari doesn't know what rafayel wants at all. realistically, he's pretty sure he wants to be with that woman—but tobari has spent his time watching to see if the feeling was mutual. it's always been his opinion that if you're not wanted back, you should move on.
which is what led them here—because tobari can survive rafayel wanting someone else so long as he wants tobari too... but does he? or is this just for fun? is it just a result of tobari knowing a little too well how to be a good date and how to keep someone occupied? maybe it's his fault for muddling things between that line of love and lust—
maybe they really will be heterosexual housemates. or maybe tobari will be the one who has to move on... but the night is still young and they'll have forever to talk about that, won't they? so he puts it off too. in the end, he's just selfish enough to want to enjoy this even if some part of him is wondering if one night is all he's gonna get.
so he takes rafayel's weight when he comes in closer, laughing faintly as his fingers comes up to gently brush against his cheek. he'll let go of rafayel's hand, but only so that he can instead steady him with gentle pressure at the small of his back ]
You really can't hold your liquor, huh? I'll have to cut you off here.
Come on. Let's get some actual dinner.
[ and then he'll guide raf out of the barcade.... they can bring their octopus plush son with them. tobari will pick up the other toys tomorrow to bring them home ]
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for as simple as the solutions to life's most difficult problems tended to be, rafayel was prone to overthinking. even now, his brain is in a constant state of overdrive. he can't help but to read into every single one of tobari's words. or even his touch, like now. when he feels his hand against his back, he can already feel his body heating up, and he feels a bit like he did back in purgatory in that hotel lobby.
except... this time, he isn't under some curse.
he clears his throat a little, as if to feign retaining some sort of control over himself. ] Excuse you, I hold it just fine. You just happen to gulp it down like you're a fish. That's not my fault. [ but, he does allow himself to be lead out, even if he does hold the octopus a little higher as if to block his face. ]
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Ah, they'd always goad me into drinking with them at the district, even if I was working. Worked to build my tolerance fast, if nothing else.
[ but it's still endearing that just this much was enough to get raf tipsy... ]
Well, don't get too caught up on your weird dare. You still have two more scrolls to cash in if you want to.
[ a secret and a question... he'll try to help with a topic change even if he's not sure what's got rafayel embarrassed this time... ]
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that said, it's hard for rafayel not to feel like itehari was a place that didn't agree with his own sensibilities. making tobari drink like that at a young age on top of all his other hardships... suzune's too. it just didn't sit well with him. ... and yet, he knows how precious of a place it was to tobari. so he swallows those thoughts. ]
Then, can I ask you a question?
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[ but! that's not as fun to talk about. tobari is overly familiar with too many things that others would find upsetting or perhaps too mature, but that's all he's ever known. they live fast and die young, and it's hard to say they even do it well.
so he instead allows himself to just go with the topic change: ]
Ah. Go ahead.
[ he has no idea what raf might want to ask him at all ]
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... which, is still a strange concept for him to swallow, and yet when they walk together like this, it doesn't feel unnatural in the slightest.
maybe that's why he ends up asking the question he does. ]
Do you think we could always be like this...? [ it's not exactly the question he's actually thinking of at all, and yet they're the words that flow into him at the moment. he wonders if tobari could picture them together like this? would they have a different relationship in time?
he can't help but wonder if tobari really wants him, or if this may just be a fleeting passion for the one person who just couldn't let him go. ]
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tobari tilts head, not bothering to hide his confusion. ]
Yeah?
[ said like⦠duh?
though that sounds more dismissive than he intendedβ¦ but that must mean his sentiments havenβt come through clearly enough, huh? ]
I guess I havenβt been direct enough if youβre still asking. Thatβs my bad. [ so might as well make it clearer? they stop at a street corner, waiting for the walk signal, and tobari moves his hand from rafayelβs back to instead reach for his hand instead. he brings it up so that he can brush a kiss against the back of his knuckles. light but undeniable. ] I think we could be. I think itβd be easy. Easier than I ever expected.
[ to choose rafayel. to be with him and to let more of his attention be centered on one personβs happiness than all the worldβs benefit. ]
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admittedly, he is slightly intoxicated, and it probably shows in the almost languid way he tilts his head. but, before he struggles to ask for clarification, tobari ends up beating him to the punch. the kiss on the back of his hand isn't necessarily sudden, but it stops his heart in a similar way. he isn't sure if it's just shock though that gets his heart rate rising.
he's trying not to show his embarrassment, or the fact that he feels... both touched, and a little sorry. he falls silent, before he turns his head away, trying his best not to make eye contact. to be honest, he feels like it'd be over if he did.
but, contrary to the way he might have been setting himself up to keep their relationship ambiguous, he does end up squeezing down on tobari's fingers. he slides his palm over tobari's and gives it a final squeeze before drawing away. in this moment he's thankful to the alcohol in which he can blame his flushed cheeks on. ]
You're strangely optimistic about this. [ ... ]
If that was soooo obvious, can I ask you another? [ he doesn't wait for a response. ] Do you believe in a second love?
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I don't know if I'd call it optimism. I don't actually expect you to say yes. I was just answering your question.
[ if he's being honest? and tobari is prone to honesty, at least when it comes to matters like this. his tempered expectations of rafayel's answer don't change the fact that the actual act of being together feels easy... even if the steps that it'd take to get there might still require more time. if this was a test, a temperature check, of how the rest of their time together could be... tobari doesn't think even rafayel can deny that it comes almost as easily as breathing. for better or worse.
rafayel pulls his hand away, but tobari is still overly cautious when he's a bit tipsy. his hand hovers at rafayel's back again, though his touch is lighter now. ]
... but I do. I don't think you get to choose who you fall for.
[ tobari should know—again, he feels like he's reaching for someone who's entirely out of the question for him. he waited months because he didn't want to make things more difficult for rafayel, or dare to tread where he didn't belong. at the same time... some selfish part of him still doesn't quite want to give up. ]
That's not to say I don't realize your circumstances are different, or that I'm blind to the history you have with her. [ to say the least! even that feels like an understatement ] ... but I don't think that means this isn't real either.
That'd be enough for me.
[ he doesn't need to be first or to ask too much... but maybe he just doesn't want to be alone in acknowledging that there is a potential in whatever this is. ]
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that honesty is almost worse.
if just because it still felt like an act of faith to him. it's trust that the other person wouldn't suddenly turn their back on you. that, they wouldn't abandon you in the next breath. did that mean tobari believed in him? then again, he wonders if he's the only one who thinks in such extremes. either way, when he speaks with tobari, he always gets these deep sense of hope and belief he doesn't think he finds in many others.
which is ironic considering what he does know of tobari's life through their collective experiences in purgatory.
in that way, he still find tobari ... strangely brave. endearingly so. so much that he can't find it in him to reject him, and yet he knows he should be the last person who should accept him. which only seem be solidified when he brings her up. for a moment— or several, he doesn't know what to say.
but he thinks tobari is right.
he does have a deep history, interwoven in space and time. they've shared countless lifetimes, or that's what he believes when he occasionally sees her in snippets of what appears to be age-old memories. but, it's also a fact that it didn't negate the way he was drawn to tobari. ]
You're ridiculous, you know that? [ but, his words are soft. ] When you insist like that, I can't... [ he leans a little against tobari's body. a quiet, unspoken something in the gesture. while he thinks he should distance himself right away, he stays like this. ]
I can't say no to you. [ but, he knows it's also not right to leave him in limbo...
it's facebook - it's complicated. ]
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he wasn't sure if rafayel would keep running, dodging, doing anything he could to avoid acknowledging whatever this is. tobari wouldn't even blame him. he'd done much of the same with hinagiku; when you think it's not right for you to be with someone, and so you try to evade your own happiness... even if he's found that those moments of fondness only fester and grow that much worse with the slightest bit of attention. like now.
they arrive at their next date destination: a small, elegant eatery with slightly dimmer, mood lighting and the sound of live music echoing throughout the space. piano and strings accompany a melodic voice from inside, but tobari pauses them outside for a breath first. rafayel leans slightly against him and tobari lets his hand fall more comfortably at his waist to steady him, other hand coming up to brush the backs of his fingers against rafayel's cheek. his expression softens, something so impossibly fond.
rafayel can't say no. he's also still not saying yes. and so— ]
... Lucky that I'm not asking you to say anything at all then, right? [ he's not cruel or selfish enough to force a decision. ] You don't need to overthink it. I'm glad to have this time as is. We can figure it out as we go.
[ and if he ever wants more—it's also fortunate that tobari is well-practiced at managing and eliminating his own wants. he may not have all the time in the world to wait... but of what he has, he was always going to give it to rafayel anyway. ]
Ready to head in?
[ he won't cut an important conversation short... but he'll offer the escape route easily in case rafayel is feeling overwhelmed ]
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compared to the clear distance between himself and the hunter, he doesn't see or feel those boundaries with tobari. when he feels his warmth on his cheeks, he can't help but lean into the touch. when his own gaze meets his, rafayel feels like he would remember the shade of his eyes for an incredibly long time. maybe not unlike the way he sought out that perfect pink from his memories, he'd now forever be chasing that glimmer of evening emerald. even now, he'd put it to canvas if he could.
as it stands, however he's too intoxicated to even try. he thought the fresh air would have sobered him... he can only blame tobari. even when he knows it's not his fault at all. ] You're always like that. [ being almost too accommodating. putting himself as an afterthought to everyone else's happiness and comfort. it frustrates him, even when knowing he's gaining some type of benefit from it. any normal person would have left, but because he doesn't...
he grabs onto tobari's wrist and gives him a tug. just enough that they almost come close enough to embrace...
but, then he's already pulling him to the door. ] Let's eat. I kinda worked up an appetite beating you.
[ or so he says, but his hand feels unbearably hot and so does his face. ]
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the question rests on the tip of his tongue—and tumbles off before it can be asked when rafayel pulls him forward. tobari's lips press into a line as his brow furrows in slight confusion. well... it's probably not important? if he's always like this, whatever 'this' is, and rafayel is still willing to put up with him, then he'll consider himself lucky.
so instead he just huffs out an amused breath, graceful enough to not point out rafayel's overheating since he doesn't want to make it any worse. he adjusts their hands just enough to hold onto rafayel's properly, palm slipping into palm, and tobari will take the lead to the hostess stand. he'd already made a reservation—and somehow, he's familiar with their hostess too. she greets him with a teasing smile after a glance to rafayel before guiding them over to their table. the restaurant is set up around a stage with live performances, a jazz singer crooning out a few lovesick notes with space near it for people to slow dance if they so choose. the tables are then arranged outward from there, just far enough for conversation to still be easily made without being drowned out by the music. they get a table with a nice view of the stage, but not so close they can't talk easily. tobari pulls out raf's chair because he's really that well-trained, helping him slide in elegantly before sitting opposite him ]
The seafood here is supposed to be good. Though we can also just share whatever you want.
[ so rafayel gets to eat more variety... ]
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