glub | ( 🍓🧀 )

[ he opens his mouth...

then closes it. he then opens it again. ]

Then are you saying you want to stay...?

[ if his words are cautious, it's because they are. it's almost like he's worried tobari is a small, delicate woodland creature, and that any move could scare him off. obviously, this couldn't be any further from reality, but that's just how in his own head rafayel is about this. ]

[ the way that rafayel overwhelmingly obviously wants tobari to stay more than suzune wants him to come with her. it'd be one thing if suzune wanted her brother to be with her, but if anything she'd complain more about tobari being overbearing... so, ]

Yes. Moron. Why would I want to leave you behind?

[ said with a sigh LIKE HE'S THE ONE BEING PUT UPON! NO! ]

Suzune still has to go to school, so we won't waste Miss Talia's kindness. But we can just spend the weekend getting her settled and I'm sure she'll love the freedom. I'll have to check on her from time to time but she'd probably be more relieved to hear that I'm not coming with her.

[ even though for safety reasons tobari is like. should we get her a guard dog? ]

[ his words are as rough as always. no hint of him pulling any verbal punches, and still— rafayel feels strangely comforted by them. he gives a small sigh, as if he's exasperated, even when in reality... his emotions couldn't be anymore opposite of that. ]

I think you just admitted yourself that you can be a bit much.

[ when it comes to suzune, he means. as sharp of a tongue as tobari possesses, he knows just how much he cares for suzune. what it means for him to have her in his life, and also ... he can see her flourishing in this new world, too. at times, he marvels at how much easier of a time it seems they had opposed to him... food for thought, even if not now specifically. ]

But... you really are making it hard to tell you to go. Just so you know, if you do stay, you can't take it back later. Even if you wanna pull all your hair out, or want to live closer to the city.

Can you at least pretend I won't get a headache from staying here... [ not pulling all his hair out. raf!! but tobari sighs ] If you really wanted me to go, I'd go.

[ but they exchanged about two sentences on the matter and it was immediately as if tobari was getting ready to pack for a trip and rafayel was the sad pet that was sitting in the suitcase not wanting him to leave. you think he's not emotionally adept enough to be able to pick up on that? you think that he's strong enough to just leave him?

not a chance in hell ]

But I don't think you do. So I'll be staying.

[ RAFAYEL BEING THE SAD PET...

is kind of real. even now he's barely maintaining his expressions, and he can feel it. it's a little embarrassing to show this kind of raw vulnerability after so long, and even after playing his role in trying to seem like a reliable guardian.

even if he gets the feeling tobari never really saw him like that.

he closes his eyes momentarily, before he ends up giving in. ]

I had this whole speech prepared and everything... [ he tries to dissolve some of his own tension first. ] I might not live the life you think I do, either... Is that still okay? Are you still going to stay by my side?

[ tobari saw rafayel as less of a reliable guardian and more as a literal lifeline. ]

... well, it's not like you know everything about us either.

[ rafayel knows a lot. more than just about anyone else. even still, there are things that tobari doesn't offer up when they don't come up in conversation, and some things he still feels like are worth explaining. especially now, since the distance between them won't be quite as big as they thought.

... not even taking into consideration the ways in which tobari has lightly watched rafayel's interactions with that familiar woman from afar. all things he's keeping in mind. ]

... but you really keep making me say it. My time is yours. I'm not going anywhere.

If it's you, I'll accept anything.

True. [ the confirmation comes gradually. not that he's unconvinced, but maybe he'd also like to think they know more about one another than most do. is that thanks to to their history? their inconvenient circumstances? whatever the case is, he's kind of grateful for it. enough where he wonders if a day will come where he can genuinely believe in those words.

for now, this probably won't be the last time he seeks reassurance. even if he'll definitely act like it's a first every time. like now. ] I keep making you say it? When? Sounds like someooone is a little delusional. Must be all the seawater getting into your ears and brain. [ he thinks he's so funny, but he does pause and smile. ]

... I'm the same. [ he'd also accept anything from tobari.

he is confident in that, at least. ]

[ tobari just fixes the most exhausted look at rafayel when he pretends like he's not a needy little brat. okay.....

. . . it's just his words in return get tobari to pause. it's not like tobari's hands or clean or like his record is clear. rafayel was the one who called him mr. jailbreak—and it's true that tobari's a criminal, but he's evaded being caught as one for a very long time. that only comes with being good at what he does, even if it's seedy and distasteful. even if he wishes he could choose something else.

still, ] ... I think I believe you.

[ a soft little admission. after everything, he doesn't think that raf would cast him aside. maybe he's being naive. maybe it's the anxiety of someone who just desperately wants to believe in someone again.

it is what it is, either way. ]

I'll tell Suzune when she gets home later then. [ that she gets to live a sweet teen life out on her own in the city. good for her. ] I kind of want to get her a guard dog though.

[ okay overprotective big brother (tobari is the usual guard dog) ]

[ tobari's belief means a lot, if just because he gets the impression it isn't something he gave out readily. it probably doesn't come natural for people like them who've predominately seen the worst in others. it's why, he can't help but feel a little touched if he's managed to penetrate that deeply into his heart.

even when knowing his is a lot more... complicated. ]

Sure, we can find one. But, I'll also make sure she has a good security system. [ he feels a little bad for living somewhere kind of remote... you know, comparatively. ] ... Don't you two like pets to begin with?

[ tobari's love of cats... grits teeth, jk he's a lot more accepting of it now compared to before. ]

... there weren't many animals in Itehari. We'd use birds for communication... and nobles would be able to keep cats. [ he wants a cat......... he doesn't linger on this thought though because he remembers rafayel doesn't like them ] So I guess you can say we're pretty interested if we see any other animal at all.

[ tobari would probably like dogs too? he probably gets distracted on some days just watching tide pools because he's fascinated. but he's really thinking practically about making sure his baby sister isn't lonely. ]

It's still strange being on the surface. Like I can't believe we actually made it here.

We can also a fish keep close watch of her.

[ ... did tobari know he could use fish for that?

he seems to fall silent for a second, before shaking it off. ] But, yeah. One dog, one fish... [ what else? he taps his chin thoughtfully, before: ]

Is it everything you thought it'd be? The occasional weirdness from space can be a little inconvenient, but it hasn't been too weird so far, right? [ minus the time where there was probably darkness for two weeks, or the fact that people were going in and out of dream-like landscapes, but that companies profited off of as destination not!weddings... ]

[ FISH? ]

… yeah?

[ JUST BLINDLY AGREES? he supposes that this makes sense given what he knows about rafayel but. okay.

as for the actual question, ]

… I don’t think that I’m able to comment much on weirdness. [ itehari also has its ups and downs and tobari is having trouble processing what is typical for the surface and what isn’t ] But it’s… well it’s not bad. It’s more comfortable than we’ve ever been before, at least.

[ i made no sense but thanks for understanding me ]

Yeah. [ good, they both agreed without much thought.

as for the second question, it does make him smile a little. ] The place where you're from... It also sounded interesting, [ is that truly the word he's looking for, knowing what he's seen? maybe not, but he sticks to it regardless. he supposed everyone had some attachment to the world they came from, or... the people in it that made it what it is. ] but I think I prefer seeing you here too. You both have managed to acclimate pretty quickly. I'm proud of you both.

[ he can't hair ruffle him, but he can still say this much, right? ]

You can call it a hellhole.

[ plainly. rafayel didn’t even see the worst of it and tobari isn’t going to illuminate him on it just yet. ]

… was it quick? Suzune’s done better, I think. [ tobari has been restless but now he can figure out what he’ll do, even if it means going into the city and then coming back. he will endure the commute. if anything he likes being outside. ] What was it like for you?

[ given that he’s not sure if rafayel had some hot rich benefactor the way these siblings do ]

It's the place where you were born.

[ he can at least respect that.

maybe it's a very godlike thing for him to consider that, but he can't help it. regardless of what itehari may be like, rafayel might always find beauty in the idea that it's where tobari and suzune come from. ]

I think so. [ ... ] I wasn't completely alone. Though, I guess it depends on which time. I told you, at first, I lived somewhere else with my butler and mentor. [ did he tell him this? maybe not. ] And then, I came to Linkon alone. I wouldn't say it's hard, but it was the first time I realized I had no one in this world I could rely on, or call up in a pinch.

[ but, he smiles a little as if to try and mitigate how sad that could sound on paper. ]

[ the place he was born was a hellhole... but kind people were there. so he understands rafayel's sentiment enough that he doesn't argue. tobari has no fondness for itehari itself, with all its strict hierarchy and apathy, but he worked so hard for the sake of everyone who ever gave him the time of day when they didn't have to.

so hearing that rafayel eventually came to linkon without knowing a single soul and not having anyone to help lend him that hand makes tobari frown. ]

... your butler and mentor couldn't come with? Or?

[ why make the migration by himself? ]

It seems like you made it... but I don't think it'd be wrong to say that it sounds difficult. Taking things on yourself.

My butler was pretty old, you know. I'm sure just the move would have been a lot on him. Besides, I'd say he needed the break. [ for better or worse, lemurians weren't meant to be in public eye for very long, especially considering the aftermath of why he moved.

but, he doesn't delve too deeply into that. ] As for my mentor. He was a bit of a free spirit to begin with. I'm sure he's off in his own little utopia. [ nothing in his expression suggests he's broken up or sad about this, or that it's even ominous.

he keeps his voice purposely light. ] A little, but I think I figured it out.

[ . . . hmm. there really is still so much about rafayel that tobari doesn't know—but fair enough. there's also plenty that tobari hasn't divulged himself. still, he listens and commits it all to memory. ]

... it seems like you have. [ idly, because rafayel has managed to earn his own income and has a stable lifestyle. even though tobari also wonders how lonely it must be, given that he lived on this island by himself before he and suzune came by.

but, ]

You don't have to figure it all out by yourself anymore, though. If you ever need someone, that's what I'll be here for.

[ plainly. trust takes a while to earn—but tobari is determined to get at least this right. ]

[ he gives a small nod of acknowledgment. it's kind of nice to hear someone validate the way he's lived, even if he hasn't even scraped the surface of it. not unlike the ways in which they've gotten to know one another prior to their arrival and return here— he feels a certain closeness and connection with tobari. in the past few months, he wouldn't say that the feeling waned, but that they were mostly preoccupied, and maybe rafayel was constantly in a state of preparing to say goodbye.

it's why, he can't help but feel like this is a weird turning point in his own mind. ]

Thanks. [ the idea that tobari wants to understand him, accept him, and stay at his side is... well, who wouldn't feel affection for someone like that? even now, that feeling settles somewhere in his chest, and it's almost uncomfortable. ]

I know you're not exactly the type who goes out looking for help, but you shouldn't forget there are also people who are on standby, waiting for Mister Jailbreak to call them? Mostly me, but? [ he's kidding. his aunt or thomas were also there... ]

[ it's funny because the way that raf is feeling about tobari is what got tobari to fall for hinagiku in the first place

but it's not wrong—tobari has focused on being a big brother for the past few months, to the point that he and suzune probably had some actual sibling spat away from the house about him being a bit too much. it's a lot for him to endure - knowing that his sister has a second chance and she has to go out there and live it... and there's no way for him to ever truly protect her from everything again. whatever rare instances of fear he experiences is never for himself, only for the people he loves.

.... but he still hears the offer for what it is. tobari has adapted less well than suzune, but that's probably all the trauma he's refused to unpack talking. ]

... believe it or not, I used to delegate. Had people I relied on. [ maybe not as much as he could've, but he was restricted to the limits of his role in itehari. exceptions granted only to the delegate and no one else. even still, ] ... I wouldn't say that it worked out too well for me last time.

[ rafayel saw the aftermath of it—the way that the district burnt down and the same people that tobari gave everything for blamed him for all its ruin. a reasonable person would probably be more closed off or take more time to recover. fortunately, there are some ways in which tobari is an idiot so he'll meet raf's eyes and offer a smile—small but sincere. ]

But I can try again.

[ with you. ]

[ STOP!! we can't soil hinagiku like this

good thing that doctor zayne can also offer therapy (alleged).

he doesn't blame tobari for having his reservations. coming to a new land was daunting. all the more with the knowledge they have of humanity and its tendency to veer on the side of cruelty; operating entirely on feeding their greed and egos. this only seems further punctuated by the fact that, despite tobari's hardened exterior, there's a deep, inextinguishable kindness that exists within him. ... and if there's one thing he knows, it's that goodwill was often easy to exploit.

so he doesn't blame tobari for safeguarding his sister, or his own heart.

but, funny enough, maybe this is also what attracts rafayel to tobari. he also knows of a certain hunter who also can't help but to stick her neck out for others. who makes sacrifices so others doesn't, and maybe he has a soft spot for that kind of thing.

... and well, tobari's been through a lot, and so rafayel also tries not to push him. half of him expects to just be brushed off, but what he gets in return is a little different. ] You... [ a sigh. ] This is why I worry about you... [ but, he feels like this moment might linger in his head for a long time. ]

I'll make sure you get nice and settled for real this time.

[ tobari pretends that he’s so tough and jaded—in some cases, he is. nobility and rich people put a horrible taste in his mouth, making him more hostile to them by default. despite this… he is so alarmingly naive.

plenty of people have commented on this before, the way that tobari always wants to believe in people. some part of him is still reticent after everything that happened but… after rafayel forced that elixir down his throat, how could tobari even begin to doubt him?

hence why he shakes his head. ]

I’m alright. I mean it. [ a beat ] I haven’t heard anything that’s made me want to knock someone’s lights out or seen any situations where I’ve had to watch people suffer. It really is a lot better than we’ve ever had it.

… and I think I’m the one getting in my own way about it. It’s hard not to feel guilty.

But that’s on me. Not you.

That's because I haven't taken you out enough, maybe? [ a joke.

it's probably not funny, though. so he does end up clearing his throat a little. ] If that's the case, I'm relieved. I already feel bad taking you away from... [ everything, including having to leave the love of his life behind. or, sometimes, aren't dreams valuable because they're framed in the specific context of what your life was?

maybe he's overthinking it. he shakes it off. ]

You sure you won't go back to blaming me like before?

[ it was like one night and a few days of silence, but it counts, right? ]

… I was angry with you because we didn’t know if I could save Suzune then. [ and separating them would’ve made tobari angriest. he would force suzune to live without him but he would be livid to be forced into the same fate ] But she’s clearly fine, so…

I’ve long since forgiven you.

[ it’s turned into a different feeling. one that feels like it’s tied them together in a way that’s… well, unbreakable. like tobari couldn’t regain any distance if he tried. ]

… I only ever told one person before but I…

[ thank god there’s no emotionshare because his guilt would just end up blasting everywhere ]

… I’d always wanted to see the surface. I wanted to leave Itehari and everything else behind. I never did, because it’s where the people I cared about lived and I wanted to make things better for them.

But you don’t have to feel like you stole me away from anything. In the end, I know I’m the selfish one.

[ even now, with some time to act as distance from the initial situation, rafayel still feels no inkling of remorse. if they returned to that time, he'd likely commit to the act again and again. it's why he's silent when tobari brings it up... not because he doubts the forgiveness tobari speaks of, but that maybe he feels guiltier knowing his own stance on the matter, and the fact that it'll never change.

but, his words are reminder to all he's seen of tobari's memories.

of all he sees in the possibilities and hopes that tobari may have clung to. just like their conversation in purgatory, rafayel doubts that feeling of guilt will ever completely go away. they were sinners to their own whims and selfishness. as much as they lay judgment on others, they also had desires...

the difference, however— ] Your intentions of wanting to do better and have everyone live a little easier aren't wasted. You might carry that burden with you forever, but you also deserve to see the world you wanted.

[ he reaches over and grabs hold of tobari's hand. ] You grasped it with your own hands.

[ ... ] Besides, I get the feeling you'll still do good for the people around you in your own way.

[ he's not sure if that's any consolation, or if that makes up for it. probably not.

but, the past was the past. they couldn't change that, but maybe they could still try and change fate itself for the future? ]

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