glub | ( 🍓🧀 )

[ she's cute...

rafayel gets the distinct feeling that tobari was right. not that he'd ever admit that. not that there was anything to rebuff, but he didn't necessarily like giving tobari the win when he didn't have to. that said, he does end up leaving purgatory behind a little lighter.

even when he knows he's leaving the one he loves back into the world and version of him that she inevitably belongs to.

... though, he guesses it's the same for tobari.

when they return to linkon, it's relatively busy. between ensuring they're settled in, and finding a place that's in his aunt's name as opposed to his own. considering he lives on a private island, it's hard to find a place nearby, and so for now, he does allow them space in his home to get settled in. but, when it comes to suzune's educational endeavors, he does believe somewhere in the city would be better in the long run. but, this is food for thought for later, though. getting them assimilated to linkon came first.

i love how yaywon is just the ultimate source of canon... whips...

maybe after a few months is when rafayel eventually hands tobari keys to a new apartment talia has purchased, and a key to his house too. ]

For the record, I'm not kicking you out. I just think this would be better for you two.

[ i think about how in a matter of months, tobari goes from being relatively calm to being the most restless person on planet earth. linkon is new and welcome and full of opportunity. there isn't a single second where he stops being grateful for rafayel—but it's also clear evidence of what happens when someone has dedicated their entire being to the service of others and then suddenly finds themselves with... quite frankly too much free time.

he doesn't unleash his stress on rafayel or suzune—rather, he's so grateful that his sister is able to continue her performance practices. she's dedicated to her craft and art even now, and that's able to keep her occupied even as tobari makes her study what teenagers her age should be studying but he also thinks she's at an age where she can still go to school. tobari does his own insane level of self-study, learning as much as he can about the entire world through books, articles, news segments. when his head feels too crammed with information, he wanders off to the beach and teaches himself how to swim because trying not to drown is a good way to expel all other thoughts. or sometimes he'll go to the city himself and disappear for a day, just so he can understand the landscape better.

all that said, even though he's in agreement that the city would be better for suzune and in some ways even better for tobari—he takes the keys with some level of contemplation. ]

... you'll be alright?

[ he knows rafayel did just fine for ages before he and suzune ever got here. but. for some reason, leaving him behind also puts a weird taste in tobari's mouth. ]

[ the question honestly throws him off. tobari was not unlike seaweed that's been unrooted from the bottom of the ocean, floating through its depths to finally make friends with the surface. he seemed to be floating around, attempting to find his own sense of purpose, and while rafayel's spared no amount of effort in attempting to help him through, he also found himself enraptured in a work or two. maybe the inspiration of purgatory and being so closed to where both death and the world beyond were so close... was inevitable. however, he does sometimes feel bad that he may have been too absorbed in his own craft.

without thomas and talia, he probably would have dragged this process out longer? or maybe a part of him wanted that too. to live in this illusion that they could be some sort of happy family together. ... this may have only been made more awkward by the days he does end up lingering close within a certain hunter's periphery...

but, it's clear they're nothing more than acquaintances, and he wonders... if his attachment to tobari also made him stuck in his own version of purgatory all over again? regardless, he does end up answering the question after a long pause of consideration. ]

You do know I used to live alone before this, yeah?

[ said with a small huff, but it is kind of gentle. not unlike he's saying goodbye. ]

Besides, if I say I'm not, it's not like you're going to stay, right?

[ tobari can handle himself. he's certain of that. the thing is he's also very sure that suzune can handle herself. the question from rafayel makes tobari look at him as though he's grown a second head ]

... are you stupid?

[ they keep answering questions with questions, but at least tobari will follow up with— ]

Of course I'd stay, you moron. Suzune and I didn't even live together before we got here. Men aren't allowed to stay in the okiya.

[ tobari's been going insane but that's just because being stuck in flux is the worst fate for a workaholic ]

[ he opens his mouth...

then closes it. he then opens it again. ]

Then are you saying you want to stay...?

[ if his words are cautious, it's because they are. it's almost like he's worried tobari is a small, delicate woodland creature, and that any move could scare him off. obviously, this couldn't be any further from reality, but that's just how in his own head rafayel is about this. ]

[ the way that rafayel overwhelmingly obviously wants tobari to stay more than suzune wants him to come with her. it'd be one thing if suzune wanted her brother to be with her, but if anything she'd complain more about tobari being overbearing... so, ]

Yes. Moron. Why would I want to leave you behind?

[ said with a sigh LIKE HE'S THE ONE BEING PUT UPON! NO! ]

Suzune still has to go to school, so we won't waste Miss Talia's kindness. But we can just spend the weekend getting her settled and I'm sure she'll love the freedom. I'll have to check on her from time to time but she'd probably be more relieved to hear that I'm not coming with her.

[ even though for safety reasons tobari is like. should we get her a guard dog? ]

[ his words are as rough as always. no hint of him pulling any verbal punches, and still— rafayel feels strangely comforted by them. he gives a small sigh, as if he's exasperated, even when in reality... his emotions couldn't be anymore opposite of that. ]

I think you just admitted yourself that you can be a bit much.

[ when it comes to suzune, he means. as sharp of a tongue as tobari possesses, he knows just how much he cares for suzune. what it means for him to have her in his life, and also ... he can see her flourishing in this new world, too. at times, he marvels at how much easier of a time it seems they had opposed to him... food for thought, even if not now specifically. ]

But... you really are making it hard to tell you to go. Just so you know, if you do stay, you can't take it back later. Even if you wanna pull all your hair out, or want to live closer to the city.

Can you at least pretend I won't get a headache from staying here... [ not pulling all his hair out. raf!! but tobari sighs ] If you really wanted me to go, I'd go.

[ but they exchanged about two sentences on the matter and it was immediately as if tobari was getting ready to pack for a trip and rafayel was the sad pet that was sitting in the suitcase not wanting him to leave. you think he's not emotionally adept enough to be able to pick up on that? you think that he's strong enough to just leave him?

not a chance in hell ]

But I don't think you do. So I'll be staying.

[ RAFAYEL BEING THE SAD PET...

is kind of real. even now he's barely maintaining his expressions, and he can feel it. it's a little embarrassing to show this kind of raw vulnerability after so long, and even after playing his role in trying to seem like a reliable guardian.

even if he gets the feeling tobari never really saw him like that.

he closes his eyes momentarily, before he ends up giving in. ]

I had this whole speech prepared and everything... [ he tries to dissolve some of his own tension first. ] I might not live the life you think I do, either... Is that still okay? Are you still going to stay by my side?

[ tobari saw rafayel as less of a reliable guardian and more as a literal lifeline. ]

... well, it's not like you know everything about us either.

[ rafayel knows a lot. more than just about anyone else. even still, there are things that tobari doesn't offer up when they don't come up in conversation, and some things he still feels like are worth explaining. especially now, since the distance between them won't be quite as big as they thought.

... not even taking into consideration the ways in which tobari has lightly watched rafayel's interactions with that familiar woman from afar. all things he's keeping in mind. ]

... but you really keep making me say it. My time is yours. I'm not going anywhere.

If it's you, I'll accept anything.

True. [ the confirmation comes gradually. not that he's unconvinced, but maybe he'd also like to think they know more about one another than most do. is that thanks to to their history? their inconvenient circumstances? whatever the case is, he's kind of grateful for it. enough where he wonders if a day will come where he can genuinely believe in those words.

for now, this probably won't be the last time he seeks reassurance. even if he'll definitely act like it's a first every time. like now. ] I keep making you say it? When? Sounds like someooone is a little delusional. Must be all the seawater getting into your ears and brain. [ he thinks he's so funny, but he does pause and smile. ]

... I'm the same. [ he'd also accept anything from tobari.

he is confident in that, at least. ]

[ tobari just fixes the most exhausted look at rafayel when he pretends like he's not a needy little brat. okay.....

. . . it's just his words in return get tobari to pause. it's not like tobari's hands or clean or like his record is clear. rafayel was the one who called him mr. jailbreak—and it's true that tobari's a criminal, but he's evaded being caught as one for a very long time. that only comes with being good at what he does, even if it's seedy and distasteful. even if he wishes he could choose something else.

still, ] ... I think I believe you.

[ a soft little admission. after everything, he doesn't think that raf would cast him aside. maybe he's being naive. maybe it's the anxiety of someone who just desperately wants to believe in someone again.

it is what it is, either way. ]

I'll tell Suzune when she gets home later then. [ that she gets to live a sweet teen life out on her own in the city. good for her. ] I kind of want to get her a guard dog though.

[ okay overprotective big brother (tobari is the usual guard dog) ]

[ tobari's belief means a lot, if just because he gets the impression it isn't something he gave out readily. it probably doesn't come natural for people like them who've predominately seen the worst in others. it's why, he can't help but feel a little touched if he's managed to penetrate that deeply into his heart.

even when knowing his is a lot more... complicated. ]

Sure, we can find one. But, I'll also make sure she has a good security system. [ he feels a little bad for living somewhere kind of remote... you know, comparatively. ] ... Don't you two like pets to begin with?

[ tobari's love of cats... grits teeth, jk he's a lot more accepting of it now compared to before. ]

... there weren't many animals in Itehari. We'd use birds for communication... and nobles would be able to keep cats. [ he wants a cat......... he doesn't linger on this thought though because he remembers rafayel doesn't like them ] So I guess you can say we're pretty interested if we see any other animal at all.

[ tobari would probably like dogs too? he probably gets distracted on some days just watching tide pools because he's fascinated. but he's really thinking practically about making sure his baby sister isn't lonely. ]

It's still strange being on the surface. Like I can't believe we actually made it here.

We can also a fish keep close watch of her.

[ ... did tobari know he could use fish for that?

he seems to fall silent for a second, before shaking it off. ] But, yeah. One dog, one fish... [ what else? he taps his chin thoughtfully, before: ]

Is it everything you thought it'd be? The occasional weirdness from space can be a little inconvenient, but it hasn't been too weird so far, right? [ minus the time where there was probably darkness for two weeks, or the fact that people were going in and out of dream-like landscapes, but that companies profited off of as destination not!weddings... ]

[ FISH? ]

… yeah?

[ JUST BLINDLY AGREES? he supposes that this makes sense given what he knows about rafayel but. okay.

as for the actual question, ]

… I don’t think that I’m able to comment much on weirdness. [ itehari also has its ups and downs and tobari is having trouble processing what is typical for the surface and what isn’t ] But it’s… well it’s not bad. It’s more comfortable than we’ve ever been before, at least.

[ i made no sense but thanks for understanding me ]

Yeah. [ good, they both agreed without much thought.

as for the second question, it does make him smile a little. ] The place where you're from... It also sounded interesting, [ is that truly the word he's looking for, knowing what he's seen? maybe not, but he sticks to it regardless. he supposed everyone had some attachment to the world they came from, or... the people in it that made it what it is. ] but I think I prefer seeing you here too. You both have managed to acclimate pretty quickly. I'm proud of you both.

[ he can't hair ruffle him, but he can still say this much, right? ]

You can call it a hellhole.

[ plainly. rafayel didn’t even see the worst of it and tobari isn’t going to illuminate him on it just yet. ]

… was it quick? Suzune’s done better, I think. [ tobari has been restless but now he can figure out what he’ll do, even if it means going into the city and then coming back. he will endure the commute. if anything he likes being outside. ] What was it like for you?

[ given that he’s not sure if rafayel had some hot rich benefactor the way these siblings do ]

It's the place where you were born.

[ he can at least respect that.

maybe it's a very godlike thing for him to consider that, but he can't help it. regardless of what itehari may be like, rafayel might always find beauty in the idea that it's where tobari and suzune come from. ]

I think so. [ ... ] I wasn't completely alone. Though, I guess it depends on which time. I told you, at first, I lived somewhere else with my butler and mentor. [ did he tell him this? maybe not. ] And then, I came to Linkon alone. I wouldn't say it's hard, but it was the first time I realized I had no one in this world I could rely on, or call up in a pinch.

[ but, he smiles a little as if to try and mitigate how sad that could sound on paper. ]

[ the place he was born was a hellhole... but kind people were there. so he understands rafayel's sentiment enough that he doesn't argue. tobari has no fondness for itehari itself, with all its strict hierarchy and apathy, but he worked so hard for the sake of everyone who ever gave him the time of day when they didn't have to.

so hearing that rafayel eventually came to linkon without knowing a single soul and not having anyone to help lend him that hand makes tobari frown. ]

... your butler and mentor couldn't come with? Or?

[ why make the migration by himself? ]

It seems like you made it... but I don't think it'd be wrong to say that it sounds difficult. Taking things on yourself.

My butler was pretty old, you know. I'm sure just the move would have been a lot on him. Besides, I'd say he needed the break. [ for better or worse, lemurians weren't meant to be in public eye for very long, especially considering the aftermath of why he moved.

but, he doesn't delve too deeply into that. ] As for my mentor. He was a bit of a free spirit to begin with. I'm sure he's off in his own little utopia. [ nothing in his expression suggests he's broken up or sad about this, or that it's even ominous.

he keeps his voice purposely light. ] A little, but I think I figured it out.

[ . . . hmm. there really is still so much about rafayel that tobari doesn't know—but fair enough. there's also plenty that tobari hasn't divulged himself. still, he listens and commits it all to memory. ]

... it seems like you have. [ idly, because rafayel has managed to earn his own income and has a stable lifestyle. even though tobari also wonders how lonely it must be, given that he lived on this island by himself before he and suzune came by.

but, ]

You don't have to figure it all out by yourself anymore, though. If you ever need someone, that's what I'll be here for.

[ plainly. trust takes a while to earn—but tobari is determined to get at least this right. ]

[ he gives a small nod of acknowledgment. it's kind of nice to hear someone validate the way he's lived, even if he hasn't even scraped the surface of it. not unlike the ways in which they've gotten to know one another prior to their arrival and return here— he feels a certain closeness and connection with tobari. in the past few months, he wouldn't say that the feeling waned, but that they were mostly preoccupied, and maybe rafayel was constantly in a state of preparing to say goodbye.

it's why, he can't help but feel like this is a weird turning point in his own mind. ]

Thanks. [ the idea that tobari wants to understand him, accept him, and stay at his side is... well, who wouldn't feel affection for someone like that? even now, that feeling settles somewhere in his chest, and it's almost uncomfortable. ]

I know you're not exactly the type who goes out looking for help, but you shouldn't forget there are also people who are on standby, waiting for Mister Jailbreak to call them? Mostly me, but? [ he's kidding. his aunt or thomas were also there... ]

[ it's funny because the way that raf is feeling about tobari is what got tobari to fall for hinagiku in the first place

but it's not wrong—tobari has focused on being a big brother for the past few months, to the point that he and suzune probably had some actual sibling spat away from the house about him being a bit too much. it's a lot for him to endure - knowing that his sister has a second chance and she has to go out there and live it... and there's no way for him to ever truly protect her from everything again. whatever rare instances of fear he experiences is never for himself, only for the people he loves.

.... but he still hears the offer for what it is. tobari has adapted less well than suzune, but that's probably all the trauma he's refused to unpack talking. ]

... believe it or not, I used to delegate. Had people I relied on. [ maybe not as much as he could've, but he was restricted to the limits of his role in itehari. exceptions granted only to the delegate and no one else. even still, ] ... I wouldn't say that it worked out too well for me last time.

[ rafayel saw the aftermath of it—the way that the district burnt down and the same people that tobari gave everything for blamed him for all its ruin. a reasonable person would probably be more closed off or take more time to recover. fortunately, there are some ways in which tobari is an idiot so he'll meet raf's eyes and offer a smile—small but sincere. ]

But I can try again.

[ with you. ]

[ STOP!! we can't soil hinagiku like this

good thing that doctor zayne can also offer therapy (alleged).

he doesn't blame tobari for having his reservations. coming to a new land was daunting. all the more with the knowledge they have of humanity and its tendency to veer on the side of cruelty; operating entirely on feeding their greed and egos. this only seems further punctuated by the fact that, despite tobari's hardened exterior, there's a deep, inextinguishable kindness that exists within him. ... and if there's one thing he knows, it's that goodwill was often easy to exploit.

so he doesn't blame tobari for safeguarding his sister, or his own heart.

but, funny enough, maybe this is also what attracts rafayel to tobari. he also knows of a certain hunter who also can't help but to stick her neck out for others. who makes sacrifices so others doesn't, and maybe he has a soft spot for that kind of thing.

... and well, tobari's been through a lot, and so rafayel also tries not to push him. half of him expects to just be brushed off, but what he gets in return is a little different. ] You... [ a sigh. ] This is why I worry about you... [ but, he feels like this moment might linger in his head for a long time. ]

I'll make sure you get nice and settled for real this time.

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