[ i think everyday about how even in the canon purg timeline, rafayel gave tobari the vial and tobari was a lil bitch about it and then the literal next day, yosuke gave him the second one. which made tobari go 'what the hell' and then he had to apologize to raf exactly 2 days after he turned down his offer.
this is pretty much the same timeline but fucky-er.
anyway, tobari is already there. he's hanging out not quite at the base of the tree where all the eurydice are, but just a little ways out in the flower field itself. the stark red of his haori probably makes him easy to find, even as he's sitting in the field cross-legged with his head resting in the palm of his hand. the index finger of his free hand brushes against the petal of a daisy.
when he hears rafayel approach, he looks up and pulls up two vials from his belt: one empty, the other still full. ]
[ he looks at the two vials, and he recognizes one instantly, while the other— ] Oh.
[ so he found another one? or maybe someone had a similar idea to his own? still, he's relieved, even if he isn't sure if he's allowed to show it. instead, he keeps his voice light, airy, and gentle as he speaks. ]
Looks like I wasn't very creative. [ ... probably a very poor joke in the middle of this all, but he can't help but smile just a little. that means tobari's decided to live, right? that was reason enough to celebrate, whether tobari decides to follow him or not. ]
... I think I'm just a more troublesome person than I ever intended to be.
[ he knows that raf means it as a joke but—it doesn't change the fact that people thought of tobari's circumstances enough to think he needed the help. it's funny because tsukasa was also worrying about him and that makes me laugh. imagine if he got three vials.
as is, ]
... I'm going to ask something, and I'll understand if you say no.
But does your offer for a place to go have room for two?
[ because as raf can probably guess—tobari comes with a plus-one at all times
... but after how he's treated raf, he wonders if he's allowed to make such a selfish ask ]
[ he says, but there's no real bite to his words. in reality, rafayel knows that their concern for tobari was likely two-fold. people often only returned what they received. while he doesn't know who the other party is, rafayel can make an educated enough guess that it's someone tobari also had an equal impact on, and in a way... it was a heartwarming thing to consider. enough, where he pauses at that second question.
...
he blinks. ] Are you really asking that now? [ but, he gives an easygoing smile. ] Yeah, I'll arrange something. [ he'd have promised tobari to be in closer proximity with her, if he didn't think it was dangerous. ]
[ he shoots rafayel a slightly annoyed look at the first remark—but it's entirely toothless. this will be something else that tobari ruminates on for a while. the way in which he keeps being saved by other people.
. . . like now. again.
he'll gesture for rafayel to sit with him in the flower field. ]
... I'll figure out how to repay you. Even if it takes the rest of my new life.
[ that might still only be three years but i suppose in this au you can send him to zayne if you really want ]
but that said, he does end up taking a seat next to him. he doesn't say anything at first, as he just idly plays with some of the flowers beside him. the orange tulips shade is vibrant, and he can't help his gaze from sticking to it momentarily, before focusing back on tobari. ]
I told you I don't need any of that.
[ he quietly touches the petals, before— ] Just if I need your help with something from time to time... will you? [ he knows tobari is the type who'd continue to feel like he owes him, and if that's the case...
he'd rather give him something to do. that said, he also knows what he does isn't exactly... kosher. it's not for everyone. but, he guesses that's a bridge they'd cross when they get there. who even knows if he'd ever show tobari that part of himself. ]
Yes. [ it took rafayel a second to ask—but tobari's answer is immediate. whatever it is, the answer is yes. it is for the sake of the fact that he's pretty sure rafayel wouldn't want him to jump into saying something without thinking about it that he'll pause for just a second, and then reaffirm: ] ... Yeah. Anything, Raf.
[ everything, if rafayel really wanted.
because he's still processing this. some part of him didn't actually expect everything to work out—well, most of him didn't. tobari's losses are so, so recent. the red light district burnt down maybe five weeks ago by now, his own death only a month ago, his immediate memory before making it to purgatory. everything disappeared in an instant and yet... this new future also opened up so fast.
is that really how it works?
those are big questions he still has to answer, maybe, but while he has raf with him, he has to say— ]
First, it looks like I'll have to teach you how to make an actual deal.
[ not that he thinks tobari gives in like this to everyone. but, still... it never hurts to be cautious, especially around someone who could go around promising everything and anything. should he be worried?
he knows it's probably been a tumultuous past couple of days for tobari. to be fair, he isn't even sure if now is a good time to be continuing this conversation when emotions are obviously running high. even his own. he feels the rapid beating of his own heart, and so he was also about to change the subject, before...
[ tobari is used to contracts and negotiations. he's used them more than once in his role as boss of the red light district and its delegate—but with rafayel, why bother? if he gets tricked or betrayed again, then that's just tobari's fault.
it's not impossible. tobari's own brother turned on him. foolishly, he finds himself choosing to believe again anyway. ]
... and I trusted you even before you pulled this. I don't like the way you did it—but I get why you did. [ because he's right. tobari would've never chosen himself. ] But based on what I said to you... it probably seems like I doubt you or resent you a lot more than I do.
it's difficult for rafayel to reconcile with the idea that tobari may not have entirely forgiven him, but that... he at least comprehended where he came from. saw his intentions, and somehow decided he was still worth placing his faith in. there's a pause, as he seems to mull over these words. to be honest, he probably looks a bit foolish, his mouth slightly agape, before he ends up recovering some of his lost bearings. ]
I see. [ it isn't often that rafayel feels awkward like this. ] Thanks...?
[ no, that also didn't seem like the right words. so instead, he just gives a shrug like he's fed up with overthinking. ] Is that all?
[ the awkwardness is a little amusingβ¦ but tobari isnβt sure he wants the serious air to linger. so he just offers a small smile and a raise of his brow. ]
β¦ ah. If thereβs more you want me to apologize for, we can deal with that later.
I said what I wanted to.
[ but at the very least, he can admit he doesnβt expect one from rafayel in turn. because tobari understands where he was coming from and assumes that the action comes out of care for tobariβ¦ the resentment will dissipate so unreasonably fast. (the odd emotion that such Care elicits will linger for a long time instead.) ]
[ honestly, rafayel was never really interested in apologies. he didn't believe they held much weight. they didn't change the past, and... at the same time, they didn't necessarily add anything to their future either. however, if there is one thing rafayel believed in— ]
You don't have to be sorry. Instead, just promise to live your life from now on. Even with your sister, you should remember to focus on yourself sometimes. Maybe take a nice vacation?
[ he closes his eyes momentarily, before focusing them back on tobari. ]
As for me... [ he won't say sorry, if just because that felt like it'd be like admitting his desires were wrong. ]
[ . . . rafayel trails off, and tobari tilts his head. ]
... don't force yourself. I'd rather have your truth, even if it's something I don't agree with.
[ he's tired of being betrayed and having his trust put in the wrong people... but even when it happens, he takes it upon himself for not noticing. still. it does mean that when someone seems so firmly on his side, like rafayel, it stands out just a bit more.
as for a vacation, he looks thoughtful ]
We need to finish up what we're doing here, and then I'd need time to get Suzune settled... [ it's not that he doesn't trust raf, he really is just an overprotective big brother. more so now after his sister has actually just straight up died, ] But after.... sure. You coming with?
[ there is a small, almost self-deprecating sort of chuckle to that. he's glad for tobari's preference for the truth, no matter how inconvenient is actually is. he supposed it also suited him. someone who had inevitably been through so much, and rafayel can only presume that doesn't end here, either. ]
But, knowing you.... you won't stop until it's done. [ so it's an inevitability and not an actual question. or that's the implication, at least. ] ... Do you still want me to? [ he knows tobari made himself clear, and yet he can't stop thinking this is where he should place some distance between them. especially, if he's going to come home with him. there's a lot he hasn't put into words yet, and he doesn't know if he ever will.
all the more if tobari has someone else's safety to worry about.
still, rafayel tries not to make his own plans too obvious. on one hand, you force someone into a second chance, on the other, you realize there are consequences... ]
[ tobari looks thoughtful about it, letting his gaze fall back down to the flowers. the daisy by his hand. ]
β¦ I wonβt let Suzune and I be an imposition on you. At least, not more than we already have been. So you donβt need to feel like you have to babysit us. Iβll be able to make things work.
[ heβs already deep in rafayelβs debt. the idea of troubling him anymore than this gives tobari hives. ]
But if youβre asking if Iβd want to spend time with you again, the answer is of course.
[ and he would find it slightly baffling if rafayelβs answer was different, given the fact that he literally used a mazekeeper gift to keep tobari alive ]
It's not an imposition. [ by his tone, it's clear he's almost offended tobari would come to such a conclusion? ] I never thought that.
[ it's more of everything else that he can't say, and so he just ends up falling silent. which might be why he welcomes the shift in conversation. ]
I see. [ he looks down at the flowers, before looking back at tobari. it's clear his own feelings and mind hasn't changed. ] I also wanna have fun with you. You know, without everything else about this place looming over our heads. I'll think of a few places, but I think it'd be best to consult Suzune too, right? Weeeeell, we can worry about one thing at a time. [ going to pat tobari on the head likes a lads... ]
the funny thing is that tobari actually will endure being patted on the head by certain people heβs close to—but weirdly, he doesnβt want to accept one from rafayel. so he reaches up to catch that hand instead before it comes into contact with his hair, huffing ]
β¦ sheβll like you, I think. A lot.
[ he glances over to where the eurydice sleep and his whirlwind of a little sister is so peacefully at rest ]
Something tells me Iβm not going to get peace for a while.
[ and despite this he canβt help but soundβ¦ fond.
more time with two of his favorite people even when he didnβt think that it was possibleβ¦ how does he still manage to find such luck? ]
[ his lips purse into a line momentarily as he gives a weak half-pout at the idea that tobari wouldn't let him pat him on the head today. then again, he did notice that tobari did always seem to stop him...? questions to consider later. for now, he gives up and withdraw his hand. ]
You think so? You sure you're not just trying to butter me up?
[ despite saying that, he does notice the fact that tobari doesn't seem too upset at the idea that he won't get "peace." instead, he gives a small shrug. ] Maybe peace is overrated and you're getting something better?
[ as if taking his own advice, rafayel supposed they could take the problems as they came. for now, he's a little comforted by the fact that he wasn't returning home alone for once. that he hasn't been cast aside, or forced to break some sort of unspoken bond. ]
[ first of all: ] She likes everyone more than me, but she likes your type the most.
[ playful friendly slightly dishonest guys with purple hair
that said, itβs not hard for him to agree ]
β¦ but yeah. I know I am. [ he knows exactly what rafayel has offered him and itβs still making his head swim a bit. he looks at him again for a long moment, as if trying to get any type of stability before getting swept away in the waves of whatever rafayel has planned ] Maybe Iβll get to see that ocean of yours after all.
[ even if lemuria itself isnβt an option. something close. ]
[ speaking of dishonest... ] That's probably not true.
[ her ripping him apart comes from love... probably ]
My type, huh? Good taste. Must be the otherworldy charm. [ why are you making him compliment himself in two threads dana
also WHO IS THAT IN ITEHARI???? ]
You will. You'll see enough of it that you miiight finally get sick of it. Or, at the very least, you might want to spread your wings and venture off even further. [ ... ] But, you'll always come back to it, I think.
Once you see the allure of the sea, it's hard to go back to a time before knowing it.
[ he just lets raf compliment himselfβ¦ says nothing in affirmation or declineβ¦
itβs easier to talk about the ocean. he looks thoughtful, thinking back to the vision of the ocean that obikawa showed him in the simulationsβ¦ ]
β¦ itβs hard to imagine getting sick of it. [ he looks around at the flower field theyβre in, a little moment of awe taking over again ] All of this that everyone else finds so commonplace.
It feels strange to admit that what Iβve always dreamed of is so small to everyone else.
[ maybe this is also why he doesnβt think to want much - everything he actually desires is so impossible ]
I think I get what you mean. [ from what he comprehends of tobari's world, there weren't a lot of options for the people who weren't born into the right circles. as a result, he was devoid of the things people would consider mundane, or even a given. ... and in some ways, rafayel could relate. ]
Even I was surprised by the surface world at first. [ it was a beautiful and thriving land. even if he's also seen the worst facets of it, he doesn't think it would ever fully detract from what sights he did soak in. in the same way, he hopes tobari can also see and experience just as much. ]
But, that's why I hope you see and let yourself see lots of it.
[ enough where it may become tobari's commonplace one day.
not that he'd lose his appreciation for it, but where it'd become something expected instead of far out of reach. ]
[ a little distracted, a little soft. itβs funny when itehari would think youβre a heretic and an insane person for even expressing a desire to see the world and now he hears someone so openly encouraging about it. ]
Did you always want to see it? Whatβs your favorite part about it?
[ the question throws him off a little. he isnβt sure if itβs the casualness of it all after such an important conversation, or the fact that theyβre capable of simply falling right back into step with one another after everything thatβs recently transpired.
either way, his lips do quirk in a subtle, subdued smile. ] Not always, but I guess certain events kind of solidified it. As for my favorite part, probably traveling?
[ if theyβre going back with each other, isnβt it for the best if theyβre able to fall back into step again?
and maybe itβs just because thereβs too much to navigate in terms of the bigger feelings that tobari doesnβt feel like looking in the eye right now. too much to do at the moment. ]
A tour of⦠the surface? All of it?
[ the fact that they both kind of call it this is funny ]
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this is pretty much the same timeline but fucky-er.
anyway, tobari is already there. he's hanging out not quite at the base of the tree where all the eurydice are, but just a little ways out in the flower field itself. the stark red of his haori probably makes him easy to find, even as he's sitting in the field cross-legged with his head resting in the palm of his hand. the index finger of his free hand brushes against the petal of a daisy.
when he hears rafayel approach, he looks up and pulls up two vials from his belt: one empty, the other still full. ]
Thought we should start here.
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[ so he found another one? or maybe someone had a similar idea to his own? still, he's relieved, even if he isn't sure if he's allowed to show it. instead, he keeps his voice light, airy, and gentle as he speaks. ]
Looks like I wasn't very creative. [ ... probably a very poor joke in the middle of this all, but he can't help but smile just a little. that means tobari's decided to live, right? that was reason enough to celebrate, whether tobari decides to follow him or not. ]
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[ he knows that raf means it as a joke but—it doesn't change the fact that people thought of tobari's circumstances enough to think he needed the help. it's funny because tsukasa was also worrying about him and that makes me laugh. imagine if he got three vials.
as is, ]
... I'm going to ask something, and I'll understand if you say no.
But does your offer for a place to go have room for two?
[ because as raf can probably guess—tobari comes with a plus-one at all times
... but after how he's treated raf, he wonders if he's allowed to make such a selfish ask ]
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[ he says, but there's no real bite to his words. in reality, rafayel knows that their concern for tobari was likely two-fold. people often only returned what they received. while he doesn't know who the other party is, rafayel can make an educated enough guess that it's someone tobari also had an equal impact on, and in a way... it was a heartwarming thing to consider. enough, where he pauses at that second question.
...
he blinks. ] Are you really asking that now? [ but, he gives an easygoing smile. ] Yeah, I'll arrange something. [ he'd have promised tobari to be in closer proximity with her, if he didn't think it was dangerous. ]
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. . . like now. again.
he'll gesture for rafayel to sit with him in the flower field. ]
... I'll figure out how to repay you. Even if it takes the rest of my new life.
[ that might still only be three years but i suppose in this au you can send him to zayne if you really want ]
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but that said, he does end up taking a seat next to him. he doesn't say anything at first, as he just idly plays with some of the flowers beside him. the orange tulips shade is vibrant, and he can't help his gaze from sticking to it momentarily, before focusing back on tobari. ]
I told you I don't need any of that.
[ he quietly touches the petals, before— ] Just if I need your help with something from time to time... will you? [ he knows tobari is the type who'd continue to feel like he owes him, and if that's the case...
he'd rather give him something to do. that said, he also knows what he does isn't exactly... kosher. it's not for everyone. but, he guesses that's a bridge they'd cross when they get there. who even knows if he'd ever show tobari that part of himself. ]
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[ everything, if rafayel really wanted.
because he's still processing this. some part of him didn't actually expect everything to work out—well, most of him didn't. tobari's losses are so, so recent. the red light district burnt down maybe five weeks ago by now, his own death only a month ago, his immediate memory before making it to purgatory. everything disappeared in an instant and yet... this new future also opened up so fast.
is that really how it works?
those are big questions he still has to answer, maybe, but while he has raf with him, he has to say— ]
... and I'm sorry.
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[ not that he thinks tobari gives in like this to everyone. but, still... it never hurts to be cautious, especially around someone who could go around promising everything and anything. should he be worried?
he knows it's probably been a tumultuous past couple of days for tobari. to be fair, he isn't even sure if now is a good time to be continuing this conversation when emotions are obviously running high. even his own. he feels the rapid beating of his own heart, and so he was also about to change the subject, before...
? ] What?
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I'm not an idiot. I just trust you.
[ tobari is used to contracts and negotiations. he's used them more than once in his role as boss of the red light district and its delegate—but with rafayel, why bother? if he gets tricked or betrayed again, then that's just tobari's fault.
it's not impossible. tobari's own brother turned on him. foolishly, he finds himself choosing to believe again anyway. ]
... and I trusted you even before you pulled this. I don't like the way you did it—but I get why you did. [ because he's right. tobari would've never chosen himself. ] But based on what I said to you... it probably seems like I doubt you or resent you a lot more than I do.
And I don't want you to think that.
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it's difficult for rafayel to reconcile with the idea that tobari may not have entirely forgiven him, but that... he at least comprehended where he came from. saw his intentions, and somehow decided he was still worth placing his faith in. there's a pause, as he seems to mull over these words. to be honest, he probably looks a bit foolish, his mouth slightly agape, before he ends up recovering some of his lost bearings. ]
I see. [ it isn't often that rafayel feels awkward like this. ] Thanks...?
[ no, that also didn't seem like the right words. so instead, he just gives a shrug like he's fed up with overthinking. ] Is that all?
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β¦ ah. If thereβs more you want me to apologize for, we can deal with that later.
I said what I wanted to.
[ but at the very least, he can admit he doesnβt expect one from rafayel in turn. because tobari understands where he was coming from and assumes that the action comes out of care for tobariβ¦ the resentment will dissipate so unreasonably fast. (the odd emotion that such Care elicits will linger for a long time instead.) ]
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You don't have to be sorry. Instead, just promise to live your life from now on. Even with your sister, you should remember to focus on yourself sometimes. Maybe take a nice vacation?
[ he closes his eyes momentarily, before focusing them back on tobari. ]
As for me... [ he won't say sorry, if just because that felt like it'd be like admitting his desires were wrong. ]
no subject
... don't force yourself. I'd rather have your truth, even if it's something I don't agree with.
[ he's tired of being betrayed and having his trust put in the wrong people... but even when it happens, he takes it upon himself for not noticing. still. it does mean that when someone seems so firmly on his side, like rafayel, it stands out just a bit more.
as for a vacation, he looks thoughtful ]
We need to finish up what we're doing here, and then I'd need time to get Suzune settled... [ it's not that he doesn't trust raf, he really is just an overprotective big brother. more so now after his sister has actually just straight up died, ] But after.... sure. You coming with?
[ on that vacation ]
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But, knowing you.... you won't stop until it's done. [ so it's an inevitability and not an actual question. or that's the implication, at least. ] ... Do you still want me to? [ he knows tobari made himself clear, and yet he can't stop thinking this is where he should place some distance between them. especially, if he's going to come home with him. there's a lot he hasn't put into words yet, and he doesn't know if he ever will.
all the more if tobari has someone else's safety to worry about.
still, rafayel tries not to make his own plans too obvious. on one hand, you force someone into a second chance, on the other, you realize there are consequences... ]
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β¦ I wonβt let Suzune and I be an imposition on you. At least, not more than we already have been. So you donβt need to feel like you have to babysit us. Iβll be able to make things work.
[ heβs already deep in rafayelβs debt. the idea of troubling him anymore than this gives tobari hives. ]
But if youβre asking if Iβd want to spend time with you again, the answer is of course.
[ and he would find it slightly baffling if rafayelβs answer was different, given the fact that he literally used a mazekeeper gift to keep tobari alive ]
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[ it's more of everything else that he can't say, and so he just ends up falling silent. which might be why he welcomes the shift in conversation. ]
I see. [ he looks down at the flowers, before looking back at tobari. it's clear his own feelings and mind hasn't changed. ] I also wanna have fun with you. You know, without everything else about this place looming over our heads. I'll think of a few places, but I think it'd be best to consult Suzune too, right? Weeeeell, we can worry about one thing at a time. [ going to pat tobari on the head likes a lads... ]
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the funny thing is that tobari actually will endure being patted on the head by certain people heβs close to—but weirdly, he doesnβt want to accept one from rafayel. so he reaches up to catch that hand instead before it comes into contact with his hair, huffing ]
β¦ sheβll like you, I think. A lot.
[ he glances over to where the eurydice sleep and his whirlwind of a little sister is so peacefully at rest ]
Something tells me Iβm not going to get peace for a while.
[ and despite this he canβt help but soundβ¦ fond.
more time with two of his favorite people even when he didnβt think that it was possibleβ¦ how does he still manage to find such luck? ]
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You think so? You sure you're not just trying to butter me up?
[ despite saying that, he does notice the fact that tobari doesn't seem too upset at the idea that he won't get "peace." instead, he gives a small shrug. ] Maybe peace is overrated and you're getting something better?
[ as if taking his own advice, rafayel supposed they could take the problems as they came. for now, he's a little comforted by the fact that he wasn't returning home alone for once. that he hasn't been cast aside, or forced to break some sort of unspoken bond. ]
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[ playful friendly slightly dishonest guys with purple hair
that said, itβs not hard for him to agree ]
β¦ but yeah. I know I am. [ he knows exactly what rafayel has offered him and itβs still making his head swim a bit. he looks at him again for a long moment, as if trying to get any type of stability before getting swept away in the waves of whatever rafayel has planned ] Maybe Iβll get to see that ocean of yours after all.
[ even if lemuria itself isnβt an option. something close. ]
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[ her ripping him apart comes from love... probably ]
My type, huh? Good taste. Must be the otherworldy charm. [ why are you making him compliment himself in two threads dana
also WHO IS THAT IN ITEHARI???? ]
You will. You'll see enough of it that you miiight finally get sick of it. Or, at the very least, you might want to spread your wings and venture off even further. [ ... ] But, you'll always come back to it, I think.
Once you see the allure of the sea, it's hard to go back to a time before knowing it.
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[ he just lets raf compliment himselfβ¦ says nothing in affirmation or declineβ¦
itβs easier to talk about the ocean. he looks thoughtful, thinking back to the vision of the ocean that obikawa showed him in the simulationsβ¦ ]
β¦ itβs hard to imagine getting sick of it. [ he looks around at the flower field theyβre in, a little moment of awe taking over again ] All of this that everyone else finds so commonplace.
It feels strange to admit that what Iβve always dreamed of is so small to everyone else.
[ maybe this is also why he doesnβt think to want much - everything he actually desires is so impossible ]
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Even I was surprised by the surface world at first. [ it was a beautiful and thriving land. even if he's also seen the worst facets of it, he doesn't think it would ever fully detract from what sights he did soak in. in the same way, he hopes tobari can also see and experience just as much. ]
But, that's why I hope you see and let yourself see lots of it.
[ enough where it may become tobari's commonplace one day.
not that he'd lose his appreciation for it, but where it'd become something expected instead of far out of reach. ]
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[ a little distracted, a little soft. itβs funny when itehari would think youβre a heretic and an insane person for even expressing a desire to see the world and now he hears someone so openly encouraging about it. ]
Did you always want to see it? Whatβs your favorite part about it?
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either way, his lips do quirk in a subtle, subdued smile. ] Not always, but I guess certain events kind of solidified it. As for my favorite part, probably traveling?
Should I give you a whole tour?
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and maybe itβs just because thereβs too much to navigate in terms of the bigger feelings that tobari doesnβt feel like looking in the eye right now. too much to do at the moment. ]
A tour of⦠the surface? All of it?
[ the fact that they both kind of call it this is funny ]
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