glub | ( 🍓🧀 )

[ his words... don't hurt him as much as rafayel himself thought they would. instead, he just releases an almost hollow laugh. honestly, he would have done it no matter what, so remorse wasn't in his cards. he'd easily drink up this much venom. ] You're right. It sounds hypocritical.

[ maybe it is hypocritical.

but, he's not about to delve too deeply into that. he gets it's tobari who is conflicted, and he knows he doesn't deserve to overthink his own decisions, or tobari's reaction to them. it's why he seems oddly calm in light of this all. patient, even when he's always been impatient by nature. ] But, I mean it. You're allowed to take your time and think about what you want to do with your life.

I just wanted you to be able to do that. [ even if the way he did it...

was to not give him that initial choice to begin with. ]

[ tobari has never had a moment to consider his own path without anyone else's influence. from the moment that his foster mother took him in, he knew the debt that he had to repay. since he and his sister could become citizens of itehari, protected by that legal recognition, he was on the path to become the next head of the district before he was even old enough to drink. that's what it means to repay debts and to look after the people who loved you. that sentiment of devoting his life to those who give him a chance to live at all is baked into the core of his being.

which is, perhaps, what makes even looking at rafayel right now so damn confusing.

tobari no longer has a district to call his own; everyone still left there wants nothing to do with them. he still considered them his responsibility, but now there's someone else here offering him a different chance. is it selfish to take it?

those are the questions on the tip of his tongue: had you ever considered abandoning lemuria? what direction has your life taken since you lost it? what would you do in my shoes?

... but he's not sure he's even ready to hear whatever rafayel has to say. the unanswered question of what will happen to tobari's sister remains and he needs to go back into the party and beg and barter with someone, anyone, who picked up a vial for her sake because he'd never be so demanding for himself but he'd do anything for suzune.

so with that mission in mind, he presses his hand lightly against rafayel's shoulder, nudging him back. just enough space for tobari to reach down and pick up that discarded vial, turning it over in his hand, and pocketing it. ]

... My turn to be the one to call you.

[ he's walking away first, and he's not answering rafayel's messages until he initiates contact. ]

I'll have an answer for you by then. I won't keep you waiting long.

[ there's just no way for him to make any type of progress like this right now, and he doesn't want to say something he'll regret to the same person who saved his life—who looked at him and thought there was even something worth saving ]

[ in a way, this is a punishment in and of itself. being forced to wait again. yet, rafayel doesn't jump to kicking up some fuss. instead, he seems to just watch the emotions as they flicker through tobari's features. even the ones he can only kind of get a grasp on when tobari's face doesn't give way to anything. regardless, he also tries not to over-speculate what he doesn't know of. ... and what he might not even deserve to be privy to.

he tries not to look too somber even when he responds, instead giving a quiet, collected sort of nod. he does stare at tobari for a second longer than he should, before he casts his gaze back out to the balcony, purposely avoiding any sort of additional eye contact. he doesn't want to know or see if he's hurt him. then... ] I'll be waiting. [ for once, he doesn't even begin to say "don't keep me waiting too long." he doesn't justify himself, and instead, lets tobari walk away.

even if it may be with the slight comfort that tobari may have no choice but to eventually return. ]

[ there is a version of events where tobari never gets his hands on a second vial.

and with no second chance second vial, tobari still struggles to see a future that he's willing to live without suzune. what a selfish thing it is, to be an older brother who failed his sister not once, but twice. no matter what happens, he can't move on from it. maybe the chance to stay in purgatory with her comes up or maybe there is a long, long search for a similar boon for her; he'd hunt down every mazekeeper if he had to. it squanders raf's gift and the guilt eats at tobari from the inside. so much so that he can't see the sentiment for what it is at its heart. instead, it's just another burden for him to carry until rafayel is long gone and just another person that tobari disappointed, that he could never quite be worthy of.

we are ignoring that bijou rolled an 8 on this and instead tobari is given a second vial.

so instead rafayel gets a text when the final week dawns: ]

Meet me at the flower field

[ i can't believe dice maiden continues to ruin my entire life singlehandedly

( dana voice ) why did you roll when you knew what you wanted... listen. half of rafayel was beginning to suspect no text would ever come. perhaps, tobari found out that he wasn't willing to part with purgatory, and the glimmering potential of hope that would always linger just within view. a promised life with his sister... in turn, maybe rafayel would also never know what the end of his journey would bring. maybe he would have taken that as sign enough.

but, just like that, he gets the text.

it's ominous. or maybe, rafayel can't help but feel like all nerves when they departed on such rocky terms not so long ago. regardless, it's not like he isn't going to show up. he shoots a quick— ] ill be there [ before he sets off.

he wonders if tobari is already there, or if he's beating him there.

either way, he discovers himself taking his time, mostly absorbing the sights of the flowers as if it's his last. ]

[ i think everyday about how even in the canon purg timeline, rafayel gave tobari the vial and tobari was a lil bitch about it and then the literal next day, yosuke gave him the second one. which made tobari go 'what the hell' and then he had to apologize to raf exactly 2 days after he turned down his offer.

this is pretty much the same timeline but fucky-er.

anyway, tobari is already there. he's hanging out not quite at the base of the tree where all the eurydice are, but just a little ways out in the flower field itself. the stark red of his haori probably makes him easy to find, even as he's sitting in the field cross-legged with his head resting in the palm of his hand. the index finger of his free hand brushes against the petal of a daisy.

when he hears rafayel approach, he looks up and pulls up two vials from his belt: one empty, the other still full. ]

Thought we should start here.

[ he looks at the two vials, and he recognizes one instantly, while the other— ] Oh.

[ so he found another one? or maybe someone had a similar idea to his own? still, he's relieved, even if he isn't sure if he's allowed to show it. instead, he keeps his voice light, airy, and gentle as he speaks. ]

Looks like I wasn't very creative. [ ... probably a very poor joke in the middle of this all, but he can't help but smile just a little. that means tobari's decided to live, right? that was reason enough to celebrate, whether tobari decides to follow him or not. ]

... I think I'm just a more troublesome person than I ever intended to be.

[ he knows that raf means it as a joke but—it doesn't change the fact that people thought of tobari's circumstances enough to think he needed the help. it's funny because tsukasa was also worrying about him and that makes me laugh. imagine if he got three vials.

as is, ]

... I'm going to ask something, and I'll understand if you say no.

But does your offer for a place to go have room for two?

[ because as raf can probably guess—tobari comes with a plus-one at all times

... but after how he's treated raf, he wonders if he's allowed to make such a selfish ask ]

I could have told you that.

[ he says, but there's no real bite to his words. in reality, rafayel knows that their concern for tobari was likely two-fold. people often only returned what they received. while he doesn't know who the other party is, rafayel can make an educated enough guess that it's someone tobari also had an equal impact on, and in a way... it was a heartwarming thing to consider. enough, where he pauses at that second question.

...

he blinks. ] Are you really asking that now? [ but, he gives an easygoing smile. ] Yeah, I'll arrange something. [ he'd have promised tobari to be in closer proximity with her, if he didn't think it was dangerous. ]

[ he shoots rafayel a slightly annoyed look at the first remark—but it's entirely toothless. this will be something else that tobari ruminates on for a while. the way in which he keeps being saved by other people.

. . . like now. again.

he'll gesture for rafayel to sit with him in the flower field. ]

... I'll figure out how to repay you. Even if it takes the rest of my new life.

[ that might still only be three years but i suppose in this au you can send him to zayne if you really want ]

[ time for you to thread with anna

but that said, he does end up taking a seat next to him. he doesn't say anything at first, as he just idly plays with some of the flowers beside him. the orange tulips shade is vibrant, and he can't help his gaze from sticking to it momentarily, before focusing back on tobari. ]

I told you I don't need any of that.

[ he quietly touches the petals, before— ] Just if I need your help with something from time to time... will you? [ he knows tobari is the type who'd continue to feel like he owes him, and if that's the case...

he'd rather give him something to do. that said, he also knows what he does isn't exactly... kosher. it's not for everyone. but, he guesses that's a bridge they'd cross when they get there. who even knows if he'd ever show tobari that part of himself. ]

Yes. [ it took rafayel a second to ask—but tobari's answer is immediate. whatever it is, the answer is yes. it is for the sake of the fact that he's pretty sure rafayel wouldn't want him to jump into saying something without thinking about it that he'll pause for just a second, and then reaffirm: ] ... Yeah. Anything, Raf.

[ everything, if rafayel really wanted.

because he's still processing this. some part of him didn't actually expect everything to work out—well, most of him didn't. tobari's losses are so, so recent. the red light district burnt down maybe five weeks ago by now, his own death only a month ago, his immediate memory before making it to purgatory. everything disappeared in an instant and yet... this new future also opened up so fast.

is that really how it works?

those are big questions he still has to answer, maybe, but while he has raf with him, he has to say— ]

... and I'm sorry.

First, it looks like I'll have to teach you how to make an actual deal.

[ not that he thinks tobari gives in like this to everyone. but, still... it never hurts to be cautious, especially around someone who could go around promising everything and anything. should he be worried?

he knows it's probably been a tumultuous past couple of days for tobari. to be fair, he isn't even sure if now is a good time to be continuing this conversation when emotions are obviously running high. even his own. he feels the rapid beating of his own heart, and so he was also about to change the subject, before...

? ] What?

[ he shakes his head ]

I'm not an idiot. I just trust you.

[ tobari is used to contracts and negotiations. he's used them more than once in his role as boss of the red light district and its delegate—but with rafayel, why bother? if he gets tricked or betrayed again, then that's just tobari's fault.

it's not impossible. tobari's own brother turned on him. foolishly, he finds himself choosing to believe again anyway. ]

... and I trusted you even before you pulled this. I don't like the way you did it—but I get why you did. [ because he's right. tobari would've never chosen himself. ] But based on what I said to you... it probably seems like I doubt you or resent you a lot more than I do.

And I don't want you to think that.

[ "i just trust you."

it's difficult for rafayel to reconcile with the idea that tobari may not have entirely forgiven him, but that... he at least comprehended where he came from. saw his intentions, and somehow decided he was still worth placing his faith in. there's a pause, as he seems to mull over these words. to be honest, he probably looks a bit foolish, his mouth slightly agape, before he ends up recovering some of his lost bearings. ]

I see. [ it isn't often that rafayel feels awkward like this. ] Thanks...?

[ no, that also didn't seem like the right words. so instead, he just gives a shrug like he's fed up with overthinking. ] Is that all?

[ the awkwardness is a little amusing… but tobari isn’t sure he wants the serious air to linger. so he just offers a small smile and a raise of his brow. ]

… ah. If there’s more you want me to apologize for, we can deal with that later.

I said what I wanted to.

[ but at the very least, he can admit he doesn’t expect one from rafayel in turn. because tobari understands where he was coming from and assumes that the action comes out of care for tobari… the resentment will dissipate so unreasonably fast. (the odd emotion that such Care elicits will linger for a long time instead.) ]

[ honestly, rafayel was never really interested in apologies. he didn't believe they held much weight. they didn't change the past, and... at the same time, they didn't necessarily add anything to their future either. however, if there is one thing rafayel believed in— ]

You don't have to be sorry. Instead, just promise to live your life from now on. Even with your sister, you should remember to focus on yourself sometimes. Maybe take a nice vacation?

[ he closes his eyes momentarily, before focusing them back on tobari. ]

As for me... [ he won't say sorry, if just because that felt like it'd be like admitting his desires were wrong. ]

[ . . . rafayel trails off, and tobari tilts his head. ]

... don't force yourself. I'd rather have your truth, even if it's something I don't agree with.

[ he's tired of being betrayed and having his trust put in the wrong people... but even when it happens, he takes it upon himself for not noticing. still. it does mean that when someone seems so firmly on his side, like rafayel, it stands out just a bit more.

as for a vacation, he looks thoughtful ]

We need to finish up what we're doing here, and then I'd need time to get Suzune settled... [ it's not that he doesn't trust raf, he really is just an overprotective big brother. more so now after his sister has actually just straight up died, ] But after.... sure. You coming with?

[ on that vacation ]

[ there is a small, almost self-deprecating sort of chuckle to that. he's glad for tobari's preference for the truth, no matter how inconvenient is actually is. he supposed it also suited him. someone who had inevitably been through so much, and rafayel can only presume that doesn't end here, either. ]

But, knowing you.... you won't stop until it's done. [ so it's an inevitability and not an actual question. or that's the implication, at least. ] ... Do you still want me to? [ he knows tobari made himself clear, and yet he can't stop thinking this is where he should place some distance between them. especially, if he's going to come home with him. there's a lot he hasn't put into words yet, and he doesn't know if he ever will.

all the more if tobari has someone else's safety to worry about.

still, rafayel tries not to make his own plans too obvious. on one hand, you force someone into a second chance, on the other, you realize there are consequences... ]

[ tobari looks thoughtful about it, letting his gaze fall back down to the flowers. the daisy by his hand. ]

… I won’t let Suzune and I be an imposition on you. At least, not more than we already have been. So you don’t need to feel like you have to babysit us. I’ll be able to make things work.

[ he’s already deep in rafayel’s debt. the idea of troubling him anymore than this gives tobari hives. ]

But if you’re asking if I’d want to spend time with you again, the answer is of course.

[ and he would find it slightly baffling if rafayel’s answer was different, given the fact that he literally used a mazekeeper gift to keep tobari alive ]

It's not an imposition. [ by his tone, it's clear he's almost offended tobari would come to such a conclusion? ] I never thought that.

[ it's more of everything else that he can't say, and so he just ends up falling silent. which might be why he welcomes the shift in conversation. ]

I see. [ he looks down at the flowers, before looking back at tobari. it's clear his own feelings and mind hasn't changed. ] I also wanna have fun with you. You know, without everything else about this place looming over our heads. I'll think of a few places, but I think it'd be best to consult Suzune too, right? Weeeeell, we can worry about one thing at a time. [ going to pat tobari on the head likes a lads... ]

[ not the head pat

the funny thing is that tobari actually will endure being patted on the head by certain people he’s close to—but weirdly, he doesn’t want to accept one from rafayel. so he reaches up to catch that hand instead before it comes into contact with his hair, huffing ]

… she’ll like you, I think. A lot.

[ he glances over to where the eurydice sleep and his whirlwind of a little sister is so peacefully at rest ]

Something tells me I’m not going to get peace for a while.

[ and despite this he can’t help but sound… fond.

more time with two of his favorite people even when he didn’t think that it was possible… how does he still manage to find such luck? ]

[ his lips purse into a line momentarily as he gives a weak half-pout at the idea that tobari wouldn't let him pat him on the head today. then again, he did notice that tobari did always seem to stop him...? questions to consider later. for now, he gives up and withdraw his hand. ]

You think so? You sure you're not just trying to butter me up?

[ despite saying that, he does notice the fact that tobari doesn't seem too upset at the idea that he won't get "peace." instead, he gives a small shrug. ] Maybe peace is overrated and you're getting something better?

[ as if taking his own advice, rafayel supposed they could take the problems as they came. for now, he's a little comforted by the fact that he wasn't returning home alone for once. that he hasn't been cast aside, or forced to break some sort of unspoken bond. ]

[ first of all: ] She likes everyone more than me, but she likes your type the most.

[ playful friendly slightly dishonest guys with purple hair

that said, it’s not hard for him to agree ]

… but yeah. I know I am. [ he knows exactly what rafayel has offered him and it’s still making his head swim a bit. he looks at him again for a long moment, as if trying to get any type of stability before getting swept away in the waves of whatever rafayel has planned ] Maybe I’ll get to see that ocean of yours after all.

[ even if lemuria itself isn’t an option. something close. ]

[ speaking of dishonest... ] That's probably not true.

[ her ripping him apart comes from love... probably ]

My type, huh? Good taste. Must be the otherworldy charm. [ why are you making him compliment himself in two threads dana

also WHO IS THAT IN ITEHARI???? ]

You will. You'll see enough of it that you miiight finally get sick of it. Or, at the very least, you might want to spread your wings and venture off even further. [ ... ] But, you'll always come back to it, I think.

Once you see the allure of the sea, it's hard to go back to a time before knowing it.

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